From Trash to Cash: Dribbling a river

jo70mo

Oh Joey,
big big cyber hugs hun. glad you got some real life ones at work too.
Jo x

elly68

Thats sad joey ,your mummy cat looks just like the one we had shes pretty.hope you feel better today.

jo70mo

Hi Elly. how are the kids?
Jo x

paulabear

Oh, Joey, how sad but glad you've got lots of cats to cuddle up with and feel better. Your work colleagues sound lovely too. And thanks for the virtual ex-friend-punching lol, I think the fact that after the initial shock and upset I can just shrug her off must mean she wasn't as good a friend as I'd thought.
Jo, lol at the typo, yes it does! It was Amber who put the comment about psycho sulkies, I'm quite tempted now lol. The voodoo doll ones'd have to be cloth though or the pins'd get bent hehe! The girls are going down for a nap - never a great idea as it means Freyja will be awake late - but she's definitely tired as she keeps doing naughty things - so I'm going to do clay. I'm getting a bit neurotic about the quality of the things I'm producing but I think it's because there are less and less mistakes, so I'm picking on tiny things, iykwim. OH said, just think what you'll be able to do in a year's time, after lots of practice; I'm thinking of trying out a different clay too, you can mix and match as they bake at similar temperatures so if I decide against using it it won't go to waste; but it's a bit more porcelain-like and I think it will look better for toppers. Elly, I'll borrow OH's phone and get pics of yours later and PM you them xx

elly68

Thats great Paula , see dribblings good for you lol .jo i was supposed to work today but caught hubbys lurgy so i'm off just as well as kids slept till 10 they are tanned and healthy and seem to be glad to be home although asking if we can all go next year lol

jo70mo

Elly - hope you get well soon.
Paula I love that you can see that you are becoming more critical as your style improves.
You know your DD is only young and is still learning and exploring. she is a human being in progress not a finished product. glad that you are capable of not letting that scare you. only reason I'm not bashing your "friend" is that she seems caught up in fear and unable to trust that her daughter at this young age can have these experiences and still grow up to be ok and loved. Thats an extremely pressured place to be for both of them but one that it is easy to find ourselves in. she obviously believes that she is doing the best she can for her child which at the end of the day as parents is what we are all trying to do and looks different for every family.
Jo x

jo70mo

this is a bit off topic and might make you yawn but wanted to share a realisation that I had in my 20's that really helped me out. a lot of people will already have this realisation too but just wanted to share.
I suddenly realised that if I sat down in the middle of a huge circle of people and went round them all. there would be people who thought I was too fat and others who thought I was too thin; those who thought I was boring and those who thought I was a bit too loopy, those who loved my sense of humour and those who cringed at it, those who liked my taste in clothes and those who thought I looked to frumpy or to modern or my skirt was too short or not mini enough, those who thought my green credentials were lacking and those who thought I was too hippy for them.
In all of that I would be just the same just me. I didn't change from cool to frumpy as I turned round the circle. I didn't need to try and change myself to match each person I turned towards I just had to trust that in the circle there would be enough people with whom I clicked ie they "got" me and I "got" them. that the rest didn't matter. I just needed to be me and concern myself with relationships with the people that fit with me. Its fine that the others don't get me and its fine that there are people I don't get. they are still ok too and don't need to change so that I can click with them.
I don't always remember this but it helped my self esteem hugely at the time
Jo x

paulabear

I agree with you Jo - she must think she's doing the best for her kids, and I know she's tried really hard; she doesn't have any real confidence and has had a bad time with their dad, who was abusive - I was so upset when she sent me that text, I feel like there was more I could have done to prevent this - but I also just feel like I want to back off now, as I'd hoped we were truthful enough with each other that she'd tell me if she couldn't handle the kids being there, and the list of things DD1 had taught her child to do just made me feel like a bad mother; I feel like she shouldn't have sent me that, I have apologised for DD1s behaviour whenever it seemed necessary including some of the things she stated; she has never said that she felt it was unacceptable and always brushed my apologies off like I was being silly, and with a smile. I don't know if she's going through a bad period at the moment, I've always been there for support and she for me through these times - but after telling me she can't be my friend any more I guess that's kind of it. If I seem flippant it's because I'm really confused and also afraid I've been a bad friend and/or parent despite knowing I do my best etc etc. Also because I'm trying to hurry as I have to get to school for the boy's football practice lol. Thank you for the other thing as well, it's very very true and it still doesn't occur to me that often.
Hope you feel better soon Elly, try to rest if you can! Back later if can boot OH off farmville, ugh xx

jo70mo

hugs Paula - stuff like this can really shake our confidence. you think really hard about your parenting. another mother might have shared enjoying both your daughters exploring life and trying things out while supporting and guiding them. another mother might have thought you were too strict or stressy with your daughter.
If there is anything she has said that makes complete sense and resonates with you then maybe look at it but otherwise try not to be blown off course by her viewpoint of things.
Sometimes when people don't really know how to be assertive with someone then they ignore and ignore things and only manage to do something about it when they can blow it up into something big that requires big action like finishing a friendship.
sounds like you've been a good friend but she doesn't necessarily have the skills to negotiate some of the complications of friendship.
I do this sometimes with DH I don't know how to deal with an issue and eventually turn it into a drama that blows up and has to be dealt with.
If you want to maintain a friendship with her you could maybe get in touch and say it doesn't have to be all or nothing. obviously we both have different takes on bringing up our children but we can still be there for each other at the other end of a phone or text.
maybe for your own sake you do just need to back off and recover from what she has said to you and how it has upset, confused and shaken you.
please don't think you haven't been a good enough friend to her or that you are a bad mother. she really isn't the expert on you and your family. do things because they feel right to you otherwise you will end up chopping and changing all the time depending on who is around you.
We don't know you inside out but we do get to know people on the dribblers and you are a lovely person who cares deeply about her family and how you bring them up. We have confidence in you hun.
I'd happily have you round my garden and our DD's could teach each other terrible things and we'd deal with it and laugh about it.(and sometimes cry about it too.lol)
Jo x

jo70mo

ps and don't forget all the compliments you get about your children too. our kids shouldn't have to be perfect.
Jo x