Wedding Gift List - hostility

[Deleted User]

For my wedding in 1997 we had a list from Argos, a new innovation then - you had to go into the store & get a form, consult the catalogue & fill it in then the store would print off copies for you & when people bought stuff they could leave a note on the list via the store purchase (or something)

I didn't really want a list but as we were then a relatively young couple with not much household stuff & almost skint it did come in handy. I put things on the list from £2.50 (plate rack) to almost £50 (a tea service).

Sadly my marriage ended amicably after much effort & sadness (on my part anyway) and fast forward to 2011-2012 & we're not asking for anything whatsoever this time. I'd feel bad about it as many of the guests would have been guests at my first wedding & have already given me a gift!

We might ask for donations for my favourite charity (I sponsor a little girl through a Christian charity in south India) or travel/garden vouchers if people really really insist.

For a first big wedding, I don't think it's unreasonable to have a list BUT it's the way it's phrased - perhaps a tiny note in with the invitation to say a gift list available from a relative, or a weblink to a list. People shouldn't feel obliged to buy from a list, though. I can remember a relative of mine had a list ... at M&S and Debenhams, in 1996, when I was very hard up :eek: the cheapest thing on it was like $7.00. They got that! LOL

kr15snw

We're asking for donations towards the honeymoon, which is what most people have asked if we want.

We're also going to do a small list with Debenhams as there are a few things we'd like to upgrade like new duvet, pillows etc. This way people can do money or a gift

Kimberley04

I was undecided for a while on this, but we will be opting for a honeymoon list. I personally don't like the idea of just cash or gift vouchers as when I give something like that, I never know what it is exactly that I've bought for someone so I looked into lists where people can donate money, but in a way where it's specifically linked to something.

For instance, I can put cocktails by the poolside for £4.00 each, or breakfast in bed at £10.00 or whatever.

The end result is the same, we get a lump sum of cash from all the people who donate to our gift list - but for our guests, they'll have a tangible idea of what it is that they have given us to start off our married lives.

ailuro2

I think it's a good dea to have the wishing well for those who want to contribute - maybe you could use a decorated suitcase if it's for honeymoon money - I think everyone who goes to a wedding takes a gift, but some people prefer not to be asked for money, this gives them the opportunity to give what they like.

Maybe have the "suitcase/well" behind a decorated table next to your guest book so people can be there for a reason other than dropping off a gift.;) Y'know some folks are funny about handing over cash in public!
Keep it in a corner where strangers can't make off with the suitcase though!!:rotfl:

frannyann

We have a just giving page so people can donate to charity if they don't want to help us have a honeymoon. We don't mind which they pick, if we get £50 then travelodge in London for the night it is!! Happy with what ever! Chuffed to bits that our charity already has £100 with months to go to the wedding though!

xtinkersx

i hadnt really thought of this untill seeing soemeone on bounty askin about the honeymoon donation poems which i really likes so i mentioned it to oh and he wetn mad! he said there was no way we were putting in a gift list or a money one but i agrred as i feel terrible awkward about it. then my mum came roun and asked us about a honeymoon-something we werent having as we didnt want one untill oh said he would like to plan it (and only this lol) so i mentioned it to my mum askin her opinion (shes in 40s so has been to alot of weddings especially last couple yrs) and she said every one she has been to has asked for cash and she has never been offended as they would prob do this anyway due to time going to buy a gift and also getting something that would actually be used is hard now adays then she said even her bfs sis and her friends who are all lawers so good paid jobs all asked for money towards honeymoon so this swayed us both a bit still feel weird though but i couldnt end up with more pic frames!!

i like the thought of setting one up like a gift list with someone like thomas cook but think we may leave it last min and get a better deal (but im not ment to be planning it lol)

LOVE the idea of cinema vounchers things like that!

RainbowDrops

I'm not sure about the wishing well idea myself.
As a guest, I would want to be sure that my gift was received; and as a host, I would worry that guests would think it was a bit odd. Plus I'd like to acknowlage each gift personally to thank the guest.
Never seen one myself.

lolly1981

hello

we arent havinga gift list i feel that it is very presumptuos (spelling) ..like im expecting people to buy me agift..i know they say that noone turns up withouta gift but to be honest its up to them what they give. i hate being asked what i want as a present. I often spend a longtime looking for presents that i know suit that person/couple. if they have a certain interest etc. i think to buy something from alist is just doing it for the sake of buyinga gift not because its been thought about ...if you see what i mean?

greenmoneysaver_2

The theme is do what feels right!

We have been together 11 years, but are having a traditional gift list. We have cutlery, plates etc, but they are ones I bought when I was 20 and I am surprised they have lasted this long, they are chipped and a bit scruffy! We are moving house soon and would love to have matching stuff! We will then have everyone round for loads of dinner parties to use what they bought!

We were surprised how many people asked about what we wanted for a gift pretty much straight away! We have kept it all really reasonable, and told the people who have helped us with stuff (website, makeup etc) not to get us anything.

I think OH's mum will get us money, as that was what she did with his siblings, and that is fine.

Overall I would rather choose something someone likes than have to spend time hunting for soemthing they might now like.

I can't decide on cash, I have given it willingly to 2 friends who used it for house deposit and honeymoon. However it felt a bit weird when OH sister asked for cash for garden furniture:-
1) she had about 200 people at her wedding, so god knows how much she got
2) they don't own their property and have bought gigantic furniture that won't fit in your average garden
3) we know she had EVERYTHING paid for, wedding, honeymoon and given a deposit for a house (which they rent out) and yet they still haven't got any spare cash when a tenant mucked them about with the rent
It did make me wonder where all the money went!

Firemunchkin

We're planning our own nuptuals in about 18/24 months time and we have lots of ideas, thoughts etc that we're trying to iron out. I've been trawling these forums for ideas and answers most of the morning!

The wedding list is one on our own list of things to discuss/agree upon and I was surprised to see those comments about people feeling upset with having to buy a gift for someone's wedding. Weddings, as we all know, cost a fortune and at roughly £30 - £50 a head for food/drink etc I think its perfectly reasonable to buy someone a wedding gift. Otherwise, are people just expecting a free meal and drinks? I'd rather elope if that's the case.

I have no idea how to word something for the invite, I want to say that 'we don't expect any gifts, but if you insist we have a list here for ideas but mainly we'd just love to have you with us on our special day'.

What do you think?

We think that a wedding list is a good idea mainly because that way people know what you like. We, too, have everything we need for the home but there are always little extras it would be nice to have, like photo frames and nice crockery and cutlery, and bedding. In this day and age most people will have been living together for a few years before they actually marry so I can't see why it is a problem in terms of buying wedding presents. I certainly have never had a problem with it, but then also I haven't always bought a wedding present. It depends on how my own finances are doing at the time, and we would not hold it against anyone if they chose not to get us anything.

As for cash, we're not getting married for 18/24 months because we are saving up everything we can to pay for it. So far our budget is around £20k but I'm working on bringing that cost down considerably with all the ideas I've picked up in these forums. We don't feel comfortable asking for cash for our honeymoon, as we're factoring in that cost to our total budget.

Comments would be handy as we're collating our ideas now.

cheers