Wedding Gift List - hostility

sal-ad_daze

luxor4t wrote: »

I think a wedding list is really helpful & not rude or pushy.

Back in 'my day' in the very late 70s things were not so organised, brides made a list in a loose-leaf notebook & it was passed around to those who asked for it. The idea was guests removed the page for the item they were buying.

In our case, his mother didn't pass on the book so we were given:

• 13 assorted casserole dishes
• 7 quiche plates
• 5 sets of identical glasses
• 2 sets of brushed nylon bedding (I can only use cotton for allergy reasons)
• various ash trays (both non-smokers)

and we were not given anything we really needed - like sheets, pillows, blankets etc. We said 'thank you' nicely & cut short our mini-honeymoon (staying in B&Bs in the Marches) so that we could buy double bedding!

There was a lot of 'Why didn't you ask for ....' afterwards, but then it was all too late.

I did this too (early 80's)!
Problem was, people ripped out a page then bought something entirely different!
My daughter is marrying abroad then having a UK party after the event, it's a 'goodbye' party too as she's moving abroad straight after the party (doesn't do things by halves my girl!lol) so, if people ask - and ONLY if people ask- we request a cash gift. As she's going abroad she can't take stuff bought here as it's too expensive to transport a lot of stuff and she's going to need to buy somewhere to live when they get there so cash would really help.

jamtart6

Anyone who has asked us/parents directly we have said "we do have a gift list but cash is also welcome"

we didn't put anything into an invitation but did set up a gift list puting the link to it on our wedding website, that way the info was there set up and ready if anyone did ask.

we however dont own anything so anything and everything on or off the gift list would be welcome!

spongebabs

Hmm, we weren't going to have a list, and thought we'd just say, if anyone asked directly, that we'd like B&Q vouchers as we're still working on our house and garden, but I'm not sure now if we'd be better off just making a list somewhere. I feel a bit awkward asking for anything at all really, be it vouchers or having a list, but I don't feel that way when it's someone elses wedding, in fact I prefer to be given a list to choose a gift from. Strange!

richardvc

Personally, unless you are starting out in your first house etc I don't think you should ask for cash but I don't have anything against those who do.

Friends of ours, who had been together a number of years asked for charity donations and raised approx £2500 which was great and we felt such an unselfish move.

eve13_2

My daughters getting married in November. She gets very flustered when people ask her what she'd like. Presents are a no-no as they live in rented property and have had to move 3 times in two years- it gives them a minimalist outlook as they don't want to keep carting things around. All of us think asking for money seems a little crass. So we've come to a compromise, any and all vouchers ie meals, cinema, argos, days out, supermarkets etc. These can then be used to have fun or buy things that to them are luxuries. All the guests seem very happy about this- in fact are being quite imaginative. One has even got them a voucher for paintballing!!

jtr2803

This thread is very interesting and it was also the subject of discussion on a local radio show last week! From talking to people about it, it would seem that you can't win either way - some guests hate wedding lists and some hate being asked for cash!

Personally I don't have a problem with either, I would rather get something that I know the couple want or make a donation to a honeymoon fund. We are going to a wedding in october and the invite had a nice little verse in it about how they have lived together for a while and have all their essentials but would gratefully accept a donation to their honeymoon. I don't feel stingy or awkward about putting even just £5 in a card, a donation is a donation. I wouldn't have had a clue what to buy them if they hadn't asked for money so it makes my life so much easier and I am happy for them to have an enjoyable honeymoon with our money.

If we get married I would go down an anonymous donation route, having a 'wishing well' or similar so that we wouldn't know who had donated what and that way taking pressure off the guests!

hayleythedaisy

eve13 wrote: »

My daughters getting married in November. She gets very flustered when people ask her what she'd like. Presents are a no-no as they live in rented property and have had to move 3 times in two years- it gives them a minimalist outlook as they don't want to keep carting things around. All of us think asking for money seems a little crass. So we've come to a compromise, any and all vouchers ie meals, cinema, argos, days out, supermarkets etc. These can then be used to have fun or buy things that to them are luxuries. All the guests seem very happy about this- in fact are being quite imaginative. One has even got them a voucher for paintballing!!

I sooo wish we'd done that!

RainbowDrops

Just seen a wedding list for a couple that have been living together for ages & have all the usual household stuff.

They've set up there list to get donations towards transforming their garden into an allotment.
You can buy them an apple tree or an asparagus patch etc. Lovely idea!

Jowo_2

RainbowDrops wrote: »

Just seen a wedding list for a couple that have been living together for ages & have all the usual household stuff.

They've set up there list to get donations towards transforming their garden into an allotment.
You can buy them an apple tree or an asparagus patch etc. Lovely idea!

yes, that sounds fab. One of my friends had a civil partnership but didn't want gifts and didn't issue a list. They had an allotment so I bought them some english heritage fruit and vegetable seeds.

mellymeep

weenireeni wrote: »

We are asking for money as our giftlist. Other half's family have said we should have a trad list as well, but we really dont need anything, we just wnat money towards our honeymoon. can't ask for vouchers as booked through an independent travel agent. Apparently some people will think it rude we've asked for money, but if thats the case they can buy us a vase or nothing at all - i dont want to create a list for the sake of it!

This is exactly my problem as well!! I dunno why I'm bothering most of the time getting married is so stressful its totally not just about the bride and groom, you've gotta keep a whole host of family and guests happy!