Wedding Gift List - hostility

salesadmin

We have lived together for years and have most of the things we need, we aren't rich but if we want something we generally tend to buy it, then not spend for a couple of months!

We originally told people no presents or anything....then people started saying they were going to get us something whether we wanted anything or not...so we set up a small gift list (about 10 items) at Argos as we thought that if people insisted on buying things we would rather have some choice over what we received.

Most of our friends and family have already said that they will give cash (without us even asking) and we have said thank you we will be putting any cash towards the new carpets we want to put down and most seem happy we will be putting it to good use rather than spending it on household bills etc!

luxor4t

I think a wedding list is really helpful & not rude or pushy.

Back in 'my day' in the very late 70s things were not so organised, brides made a list in a loose-leaf notebook & it was passed around to those who asked for it. The idea was guests removed the page for the item they were buying.

In our case, his mother didn't pass on the book so we were given:

• 13 assorted casserole dishes
• 7 quiche plates
• 5 sets of identical glasses
• 2 sets of brushed nylon bedding (I can only use cotton for allergy reasons)
• various ash trays (both non-smokers)

and we were not given anything we really needed - like sheets, pillows, blankets etc. We said 'thank you' nicely & cut short our mini-honeymoon (staying in B&Bs in the Marches) so that we could buy double bedding!

There was a lot of 'Why didn't you ask for ....' afterwards, but then it was all too late.

Saint_Chris

Daughter got married in feb, and we didn't put a list in, with the invites.

She got £2,000 incash and as they had just moved into a new house, they carpeted the house through, and there is some money left, and they have put it towards a holiday in nov.

poppyscorner

after discussing gift lists/wedding pressies at length with OH and one of my bridesmaids we opted to not have one and we're both very happy with that decision.

We have all that we need already we are insisting that no one gets us anything my bridesmaid completely disagrees with us FWIW and says that its silly but we are adamant we're not having one personally I don't think there's anything wrong with having one and part of our decision is based on the fact that lots of the guests are travelling from london up to newcastle for the wedding and will have costs associated with that and we would rather people came to the wedding than feel that any gift list we had would be an added expense if that makes sense. We both felt really uncomfortable with the whole thing if i'm honest and it feels so much easier now we have made our decision.

Bridesmaid loves to point out that people won't come without a gift lol and if thats the case they will be gratefully received and thanks passed on but either way we'll be happy.

Its odd I think because I don't object to gift lists for others I have been to nor do I object to requests for money or help towards honeymoon etc and have happily done both for other weddings but for us it just feels different when its our own lol very strange I know xx

vickyw

We are getting married on a complete shoe string (shoestring?) and can't afford a honeymoon so we have put a little note at the end of the invitations which says
"no gifts, however cash donations towards our honeymoon would be greatly appreciated!"
We've also made it known to people that we really don't need anything for the house so if they insist on gifts, cash would be lovely but not essential.
I can see how some people can be funny about money but so many people don't need 5 toasters and a thousand sets of glasses!

binkyboo_2

oh and I hadn't actually discussed this topic yet so after reading this thread i thought i'd bring it up and see what he thought. So I said what are we going to say if people ask what we would like for a gift and his response was to tell them whatever they would like to give us. So this means we won't be having a list and also won't be giving people specific options. I was worrying about what to say as I felt it would be hard to ask for something after our guests have spent time and money to attend the wedding so I guess for once oh has come up with the perfect solution!

choccyface2006

I am going to a wedding a week on Saturday and I thought I'd better take a peep at the wedding list, held at John Lewis at the weekend. The couple had said that nobody should feel obligated to buy a gift and that our presence was enough but enclosed the list anyway..;)

Anyway, its my cousins wedding and my daughter and I are going. I wanted to spend £30 (I haven't spoken to my cousin in maybe 15-20 years so we are not exactly close :rotfl:) But we are looking forward to the wedding and it was lovely of them to invite us.

Everything was expensive of course so I did something else. I noticed Matalan had 20% off homeware and free delivery last weekend so I consulted the wedding list and saw the colour scheme they wanted for the bedroom and that they have a double bed and I bought a beautiful embelished duvet set and sheets and extra pillow cases to match. Somehow it looks much better than a milk jug for a set that might not even be complete, or vouchers!

Plus, I think its nice to get a few suprises!

Sarah xx

shellsuit

choccyface2006 wrote: »

I am going to a wedding a week on Saturday and I thought I'd better take a peep at the wedding list, held at John Lewis at the weekend. The couple had said that nobody should feel obligated to buy a gift and that our presence was enough but enclosed the list anyway..;)

Anyway, its my cousins wedding and my daughter and I are going. I wanted to spend £30 (I haven't spoken to my cousin in maybe 15-20 years so we are not exactly close :rotfl:) But we are looking forward to the wedding and it was lovely of them to invite us.

Everything was expensive of course so I did something else. I noticed Matalan had 20% off homeware and free delivery last weekend so I consulted the wedding list and saw the colour scheme they wanted for the bedroom and that they have a double bed and I bought a beautiful embelished duvet set and sheets and extra pillow cases to match. Somehow it looks much better than a milk jug for a set that might not even be complete, or vouchers!

Plus, I think its nice to get a few suprises!

Sarah xx

That was clever of you lol, and even if someone buys the bedding from the list, at least they will have a different set in the right colours!

That's why I think people prefer to buy a gift, because they can shop around or buy a gift that looks like it is worth £50, but it only costs £20.

We'd be happy with a tenner in a card, it all mounts up and hopefully we will have our wardrobes, as I'm sick of living out of cardboard boxes :D

Horace

I can remember my own wedding back in the 1980's when I had a wedding list only because I was urged by mother to have one and felt awkward asking for things although my work colleagues did buy us a deep fat fryer which my ex OH still uses to this day.

I can remember when one of my cousins got married and she wanted everything from M&S and had priced it all up, being the awkward beggar that I am I deciced that I didnt want to be dictated to as to what I should spend so I hunted high a low at various glass fairs for a piece of antique glass. I eventually found a divided glass dish that I know comes out at christmas time which was date marked as 5 September 1850 - my cousin actually married on 5 September 1998 and I know she was pleased at the thought that had gone into the present...because I admit that I love surprises.

One of my other cousins got married only I couldnt travel to her wedding and I am afraid she had some white napkins from the White Company (its what she asked for) and they were posted, her brother asked for vouchers and that's what he got when he got married, although I admit that I hate to give vouchers as they are so impersonal.

Saint_Chris

I remember at my 1st wedding 25 years ago, getting 3 yes 3 meat slicers.

it was a cream thing and you used it like they do when they slice meat now at shops. never used any of them.
i think it was 3 or could have been 2 carving knives, loads of tea towels and tupperware.

2nd marriage i asked for cash, as we lived together and had everything we needed, we said that we wanted to buy a hi-fi and we got enough to get one.