think my man is cheating what now?

**confuzzled**

clare I've just read the thread and I'm sorry honey (((hugs))) Its sounds to me as though he knows he's been caught but is refusing to admit it, no one who's innocent would offer to move out that quickly!!! And yeah he's angry about the text, who wouldn't be angry at being caught out eh??? If he tried to blame anything on you, do your best to ignore him, he's cheated not you!!!

Practically speaking, if you have any joint accounts freeze them asap or at least try and take out your share of any joint money you have.

(((hugs))) to you and I'm sure you can get through this x

RedBern

clare1981 wrote: »

he just txt back we'll talk tonight but i will leave tonight. ill keep paying my share of the house till we sort out things.

... tell him to mind the door doesn't slam on his ar*e on the way out!

You're not in the wrong here - and don't let him tell you that you are. If he chooses to leave over this, well, that's another choices in life HE has made...

ellay864

Clare, just seen this thread and my heart goes out to you. You do need to find out the truth but don't put yourself down for any action you've done...nor for feeling like you love him and want to try to carry on. There's no shame in that - you cant just switch off feelings.
My now ex actually confessed to me he'd been having an affair - I'd no idea. I was scared s***less at the thought of splitting up (made worse by having 2 sons aged just 7 and 5) and did everything to try to get us back together. He told her it was over but then went back to her. A month later I got suspicious and confronted him...he denied it but I kept on with the 'evidence' I'd managed to find and he admitted it....but yet again I gave him another chance. Another month later when I found absolute proof he was seeing her and confronted him it all came to a head and he left. TBH tho, if he'd begged for another chance I would have probably given in. The whole situation wrecked my self confidence and for months afterwards I felt I loved him, wanted him back, they'd tire of each other and we'd start again etc etc. Makes me sound so pathetic I know but that's how I felt with my whole world ripped apart.
But now having gone through it I've come out so much stronger. 10 years on I'm engaged again and it's quite a liberating feeling to know that if the same thing happened this time I would have no doubts about making it on my own.
I know that will be hard to believe now but you are worth more than a lifetime of wondering. I know if me and my ex had got back together I'd never have trusted him. And it doesn't have to be a full on physical affair to be cheating - you'd worry about every little 'innocent flirt'
I do hope you come through this OK. Take care xx

Britwife

I think you already know the truth in your heart and I think his response proves it. To be honest, if you just have quick sex and get dressed right after, you can still leave the evidence like what you found. The text talked about being a good kisser, even kissing is still cheating.

I know you're not doing well with being layed off work and all but you deserve to be treated like a queen. I love my husband but would have a hard time forgiving cheating even once.

My heart goes out to you hun

suited-aces

neneromanova wrote: »

I don't see you giving any helpful advice?!

I don't think he was being sarcastic,

ali-t

suited-aces wrote: »

I don't think he was being sarcastic,

Me either, it is genius! :T I am obviously not devious enough

sp1987

If he leaves, make sure you get a parting blow in. There must be a hobby/interest you do that he doesn't. During the row, mention how Mr Wonderful from some group asked you out but you had far more respect for your committed relationship than that. To be honest by leaving he has opened up a wealth of opportunity for you to invite Mr Wonderful over. The only white lie is there is no Mr Wonderful yet, but you get a headstart on looking when jizzpants shuts the door on his way out. You need to make it his loss, not yours. Making it your loss that he did wrong does not show him you were worth much, much more and gives you no closure on it. If he leaves because he did wrong then it shows all you need to know. Many people make bad, awful, stupid decisions in life but it is the people who stick around to sort them out and learn from them that really get somewhere. Plus, if he leaves you for the 'mistress' as the saying says; a vacancy is created....for a new mistress!

Very few people in life are entirely trustworthy and it is never a bad lesson to learn (even though some people keep having to learn it again, and again from multiple idiots!). But the caveat being, when you do find somebody worth trusting, do trust them. A great degree of problems arise when you assume the faults of the last hapless idiot must exist in everyone. Sometimes when someone says ''you're different'' they actually mean it, lol.

Oh and don't just endlessly stalk him if you do break up. It looks sad, desperate and there would be nothing more flattering and uplifting to him than having some nutty, bitter woman following him around forever.

mrcow

Clare - what you need to do is call a good friend over and spend some time with them. You can't deal with this without support.

Whether he's cheated or not I guess is a little irrelevent now - he's going anyway - and give him credit - he's trying to do it as cleanly as possibly. You need to accept that.

You sound very worried - but you must know that things will work out - you'll get your life together - and you'll go on to bigger and better things. And a better relationship that the one you had.

It's very hard to hear from someone that it's over. I personally think there is often a greiving process (disbelief/anger/despair/acceptance cycle) about it. Give yourself time and the space to breathe.

And call up a friend you can trust - don't be alone today.

bugbabe

dont sell yourself short of course you can still look at someone and get butterflys hes just not the one ,ive been with my hubby 20 years and still get them ,you will be ok have you though of going to the drs as you sound really down good luck you will move on x

whatgoesaround_2

hi clare, i nearly burst into tears reading your post, my wife left me 6 months ago after admitting to an affair. im still in shock, love and woe.
Get support, get councilling, take time out if you can. I dont understand why humans can be soo hurtful but you do need the support of a real friend.:grouphug: I feel your pain.