How do you know when you are ready for a relationship?

studentphil

mrcow wrote:

:rotfl: Isn't that just about the biggest understatement!

Even if it's not their weight, lots of women are self concious about something.....their bum, their nose, their chest, their feet, their teeth.....the list is endless.

When you like someone, none of this matters.

In fact, looks do not bother me too much with women. As long as I find them attractive and we get on that is fine. I do not have a check list of body parts I want. In fact, really classically stunning women do nothing for me.

studentphil

Blonde, boobs and long legs is not really my thing in women.
Short, dark hair and so on would suit me better.

clarew

on the weight issue-i am a big girl (size 22), and have been on the larger size through my school years. Yet in 6th form i was dating a lovely guy, and was the only one of my 4 close friends to be doing so (the others were usual size beauties!). Similarly my hubby asked me out at this size, and i know many of my skinny friends are still looking for love!

Size doesn't matter, people like you (as a whole) for you, not for being a certain size.

Think you are pressurizing yourself too much on this dating malarky-loads of my mates are 30+ and still single. Just relax, and see where life takes you.

(but you better keep us all updated now you've started this!!! I see a studentphil's diary page coming up...)

studentphil

I think maybe I am probably better looking for a heavy girlfriend and then weight can be less of an issue. Plus, all the bigger women I know are the kindest and least vain women I now and I really do like down to earth women.

studentphil

I just have to bite the bullet and stop being so self concious about myself.

clarew

don't go out there looking for a "big woman", look for someone you like,regardless. My best friend (size 8 beauty) is married to a lovely guy who is large in both ways (tall and size xxl), you like who you like in life.

studentphil

clarew wrote:

don't go out there looking for a "big woman", look for someone you like,regardless. My best friend (size 8 beauty) is married to a lovely guy who is large in both ways (tall and size xxl), you like who you like in life.

I would never look for just someone of one size. It is stupid to limit yourself like that when I think about it.

skippie

Have not read all of the posts,

But whether you are ready for a proper relationship imo much depends on your emotional well being to begin with. You can't just say you are ready and get g/f.

Things don't tend to work like that, you actually need to get out and meet some people, then if you are lucky you'll find one that you click with and things will progress from there.

Being at university you must be ready to accept distances involved, when i first got with my ex, it was summer we went to uni (she was heading to Notts, me to Reading) very quickly we had to decide how serious the relationship was, how serious we thought it could be, and whether we could overcome the distance. I'd be lying if i said parts of it weren't particularly difficult. Yes the distance caused a great deal of stress to begin with, and it was a bind on the university life to see her for long weekends every two weeks.


It was making it over these barriers, one by one that alerted us that we had something going.

I have to see it is not exactly difficult to pick girls up at uni, over the last year i have pretty much be walking into situations (that i then spend time having to disintangle).

Just going to a unibar with some mates to play some drinking games is a good start. Whilst you are there you can act a bit lively, but always be relatively polite.

I find that go a couple of times and people begin to recognise you, and are more likely to be less on their guard.

If you are having a good time, other people will pick up on that vibe, if you are sitting at a table, it is more than likely that as the evening goes on you'll end up speaking so some young ladies, keep it call if that is the case.

Then the next time you go in, take it on from there, have a chat about where you're from, ask plenty of questions (And remeber what they say!, the name is a good start!)

You'll find things gradually build up, work off her vibes, maybe the third time say "you out tonight?"
she'll probably say "erm don't know"
To which you reply "we're going toVodkaRevs, why dont you bring some of your mates along"

etc. etc.

P.s cost should not come into it, you are a university student, thus you are likely to be relatively skint.

Its about using your immagination, being fun, being laid back and having fun, you've got to try and give off a good vibe

skippie

P.S having read most of the posts now, i would disagree, the person you meet is imo random, i met one girlfriend at a camp, another in the lake district, one in a camp and the final one at a football match-we'd both been standing there for a while and hadn't noticed one another, untill i turned up in my school uniform one day (due to playing rugby at the local posh school)

There are no steps, no predertmined path, everyone works in different days.

With the first three, i vaguely got know and then had a relationship, it was only with one that i actually cared for (we are now best buddies), I'd always liked her, but she was going out with someone i knew, and only announced she really liked me when i told her i liked her. With the lass from the football there was an instant connection, and we started going out pretty much before we knew anything about one another (she clammed up on our first date, not saying anything, but found the courage to "rape my face" at the end of the date.

It's about working off someones vibe, this can be difficult, as both partners can often appear to give out mixed signals in the early days, I'll admit i am normally relatively cautious, which makes me look like i am deliberatly playing with someone, but i guess that reflects my personality in some respects.

I believe its random luck who you'll meet, obviousl if you put yourself in a situation where there are a greater amount of people your age milling about, you are more likely to have some luck.

But try not to weight people up as long term relationships when you meet them the first few times, its best to taking things one step at a time to begin with

lynzpower

thats probably the point phil.

I met my now ex via work some years ago, and fell for him, we had a broadly good relationship, but I moved home after my degree finished, we agreed it was the best thing to do and move on. Personally I found it very fdifficult to think about having a relationship again, kept thinking about my ex a lot, but went out and dated etc, but knew I was always going to be on my own as no one met my high expectations.

then I met my Oh. The most random of meetings too. Lived far away from each other, but fell in love immiediatley. I proposed a few weeks after meeting him, he acccepted ( of course ) Hes my best freind, and I just adore him, its really great I was destined to be with him, and thats why we got together