How do you know when you are ready for a relationship?

studentphil

I feel mature enough at almost 21 to have a serious relationship.
I would like some companionship. But yet as a student and no great funds I do not feel financially able enough to run a girlfriend as it were.

But how do you know if you are ready for a proper relationship

Counting_Pennies_2

'Running' a girlfriend isn't quite how I would see a relationship working.

It isn't a case of going out and getting a girlfriend like getting a car and running it with petrol and and MOT. It is more a case of first you meet someone who you like and they like you back, then you spend time together and if compatible continue through the next stages of life and if not move on separately.

Spending time together need not be expensive, as I think you might be getting at. To spend romantic time, go out on picnics, walks, trips to the cinema (Orange Wednesdays where you buy one get one free at some cinemas) or cook a nice meal for her (look on the old style forums to get some tips on nice and cheap meals) and if you spend enough time searching through the forums you will find loads of reasonably priced things to do.

I wouldn't look at having a girlfriend in terms of costs, I would look at finding someone mutually compatible with you, where both of you like one another and take it slowly from there and have fun getting to know one another.

studentphil

thanks, but if you can see what I mean, to be a decent partner involves some cost and if I could not afford to buy her the odd thing I would feel a failure. Maybe I am out of date thinking the guy should pay for the lady.

Counting_Pennies_2

Throughout the 10 years my husband and I have been together, yes he has paid for the odd trip to the cinema or a meal out, but none of that need be expensive.

Obviously birthdays and Christmas you would buy a gift as you would a relative, and if you have the funds a nice piece of jewellery, if not something cheaper, you will find plenty of discussion threads on what to buy cheaply.

What I am getting at is relationships aren't about money.

Going out with someone should in these days be fairly equal. I still pay my way even now we are married. Both paying your way at a cinema or one week you pay the next she pay.

What you do in your spare time depends on the funds you have available. If you have a good job, you treat a little more, if a student you spend according to your means.

studentphil

Thanks, most helpful!

I have to just work out if I am ready for a proper relationship now.

jazzyjustlaw

studentphil wrote:

Thanks, most helpful!

I have to just work out if I am ready for a proper relationship now.

If you have found a girl and you feel you cannot wait to see her 24/7 then you are ready. Once you know that then figure out the costs of it.

williamo_2

You should split everything 50/50 and pay for the odd thing, money can't buy you love

studentphil

jazzyjustlaw wrote:

If you have found a girl and you feel you cannot wait to see her 24/7 then you are ready. Once you know that then figure out the costs of it.

She does not exist yet, but I have to be sure from now on that I will be willing to bite the bullet and not think I like her and fall into being her friend and then feeling so last down when she gets a real boyfriend.

Becles

Don't think about it and don't look so hard. She'll turn up when you are least expecting it

Was on my own for a while after my ex left me, then out of the blue someone PM'd me from another board I use. We got chatting, and to cut a long story short, I married him in April!

studentphil

Becles wrote:

Don't think about it and don't look so hard. She'll turn up when you are least expecting it

Was on my own for a while after my ex left me, then out of the blue someone PM'd me from another board I use. We got chatting, and to cut a long story short, I married him in April!

That is true people do tend to turn up. I just have this habit of thinking wow she is for me and then chickening out and just being her mate. I do not know if that is because I am just shy or I am in my heart of hearts frightened to commit to a relationship.

kittykate_2

you'll know yourself when you've found someone you want to be with. those girls from before weren't right for you, hun, if they were then you would have told them. She'll come along eventually.

kk x