I'm fat, my daughter has nits and I've ran out of money.

gallygirl

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: can't decide if you are v funny or v mad - think it's both

I too had a trial separation - from my exercise bike. I think I need to face facts that we are incompatible - however, last year when we were still in the honeymoon stage things were v v good (where DID that cellulite hide for 6 months? Must have been down the back of the settee). I feel I owe it to myself to make it work (also owe it to the ccard that brought us together ) so i too will be trying again.

I also agree on the beef stew - but my version is various chicken casseroles - never manage to find 2 portions from the same batch so is always 'chicken suprise'.

Glad to hear the nitxtermination is going well - fingers crossed.

rog2

Hi Triker,

Haven't heard from you for a week or so, and was just curious to know wheter the kids have managed to stay 'Nit-Free' after the first week back at school.:D

Triker

Hi everyone, hope you are all well, I've decided to update you on my situation through the medium of poetry.............ahem...........ready........


ODE TO NITS

Nits
you are
little !!!!!!
and I can't find a
coffin that fits
your tiny dead bodies.

ODE TO DEBT/NATWEST

Natwest
you are the best
at doing my head in........ daily
with your referral fee
it stinks
and so do you

ODE TO EGG CARD

You go too far
with your APR
if you were a real egg
I'd smash your head open


Fank you very much goodnight, Triker

Luckystepho

You have to do some writing, you definately have a talent!! Only thing I can come up with is 'Capital One, you are scum!'

dudleyboy

"you can take your card,
and stick it up your..."

basketcase

...own interest rate?

Luckystepho

:rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl: :rotfl:
Great!!

Triker

Hers's a few more relevant to me, please feel free to add your own poems......


Smile

I should have run a mile
from your card, Smile
Oh how I could have laughed
about your 'free' overdraft
because it's not strictly true
you talk a lot of poo
and I would really like to
wipe
that
smile
off
your
face

Lloyds TSB

By keeping my account open
I hope to annoy you
a lot
especially as I only keep
14p in it
haha

Cheers Triker

May

The problem with nits these days is that not enough parents comb through the hair. i have witnessed many parents just putting on the foam (which just sits on the hair and doesn't get to the scalp) and then just washing the stuff off and not botherring to comb through.

I was so fed up with infestations and trying everything from Neem oil to brand name chemicals, that i just comb a nit comb through my daughters hair everyday after spritzing Frizz Ease hair serum on. I spray it on the roots and comb through pulling out any insects,fluff etc.

I've found it the best solution so far cos now my daughter thinks it's the normal routine when brushing her hair.

So far, nit free!

smokybabe

Oh my god, just look at that hair,
beautifully clean, shiny and fair.
Turn around darling - lets see your face
It's the triker girl, I'm all in a daze.

I'm biding my time and waiting in line,
the head that I'm on won't do for my rhyme.
Get closer, go on whisper - that's all that I need,
one jump - I'm there - now my offspring to breed.

First off a tasty supper of nectar so red
and then I'm off to the side of her head.
Oh heaven right here a nursery I've found,
I'm laying my eggs white, shiny and round.

I'm happy and content, life is so good.
Plenty of children and oodles of food.
But wait - who's this giantress that I spy?
Triker's mum! we all shout in one single cry.

Let battle begin you adversary of mine.
Do your worst, you won't hurt me this time.
Your lotions and potions will no longer kill,
Conditioner's fun and vinegar a thrill!!

You've tried and tried, threatened and cried,
every remedy going and I've laughed while you've sighed.
Each suggestion you get - even the one from the vet,
has miserably failed and left you in debt.

But wait what is this? MSE? MARTIN? THREAD????
What's this got to do with invading her head?
Oh I see the old fashioned remedies are out,
Go ahead Triker and knock yourself out.

They all don't work - You know I'm here to stay,
look there's a comb must be tip of the day.
Buy it my lovely - and see If I'm beaten,
I'll watch your despair as your failure deepens.

D day's arrived - here we go OH MY GOD!!!
She's broken my legs the miserable sod.
She thinks she's won, we are all nearly dead.
It's a pity she missed that last shiny new egg.