No replies for DDs party - advice

patchwork_cat

tiamai_d wrote: »

Where did I say that I didn't already reply? The text later on is a confirmation.

One person jumps to a conclusion and everyone else jumps on the bandwagon. Then go on about being rude. I give up.

No fair enough your first comment says many of us can't give a definite yes or no until the week before. However you then say you can't be definite until the same week due to hospital and associated appts, but presumably that isn't the case with 'many' of us quoted. Personally, I feel, if it has become an accepted social more in your group to not definately confirm until the same week then your social group has become rude. If you do have a lot of appointments sprung on you at short notice then yes the I most probably can come, but I will defo let you know is the best way to handle it.

Oldernotwiser

tiamai_d wrote: »

My calendar is full of hospital appointments, physio, OT, SALT, biomechanics, so if I'm rude for prioritising more important things over kids parties, bite me.

But I'm sure that most of these don't spring up at a week's notice and you said "most of the parents" which implies that you consider this the normal way to go about things!

pigpen

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

But I'm sure that most of these don't spring up at a week's notice and you said "most of the parents" which implies that you consider this the normal way to go about things!

I get less than a weeks notice for most appointments.. and then consultants etc get pee'd off when I already have other appts that day for people sensible enough to give more notice! Unless you have had several people involved with your child you honestly have no idea.. they are so much worse than adult services!

Re invites.. I am notoriously bad for replying.. I don't speak to anyone at school really.. maybe one of the girls grandmothers and will say hello to others but I could probably match up most parents in reception class with their child.. but thy have spent 2 years at nursery with my daughter and almost a year at school.

Today DD5 came out with 2 invites.. 1 is most sensible.. church hall. blah blah.. yeah NP... the other is terrible.. 2:30 in XX park... !!!!!!? Where abouts? etc.. there is no way I am leaving my daughter just to be 'in the park' with a bunch of total strangers.. so I am sending DD1 with her.. she can manage a couple of hours park life.. This is one of the parents I do not know by sight.

I hate childrens parties so avoid it by not having any! On the VERY rare occasion I have been persuaded to have one we have invited twice as many children as we wanted knowing at least half will not come.

I think it is odd none of the parents replied.. hope you get something sorted it would be a shame to have to cancel as no doubt DD is looking forward to it.

thatgirlsam

i can always give an answer well in advance , i prefer to have notice so i can arrange my shifts to ferry kids to parties and events .. what bothers me is really short notice .. a mum inviting my child to a party the next day is never going to work as i have other commitments ( to the shock of some mums)

the school drive me mad for this .. my ds has got a class assembly coming up , its been may 4th for months , every week its on the newsletter , may 4th .

i get my off duty about 6 weeks in advance so i make sure i can go .. and today he has brought home a letter saying its now thurs may 6th

grrr

Spongbong

I remember when we had my son's 5th birthday party in a church hall, we asked the parents for their phone numbers if they were not staying with their child. Obviously this was in case there was an emergency but by the shocked looks on a lot of the parents' faces you'd think I'd just asked if I could give their kids alcohol! Was surprised how many left their kids actually, no way I'd leave my 5 year old at a party with people I don't know.

gingin_2

pigpen wrote: »

Today DD5 came out with 2 invites.. 1 is most sensible.. church hall. blah blah.. yeah NP... the other is terrible.. 2:30 in XX park... !!!!!!? Where abouts? etc.. there is no way I am leaving my daughter just to be 'in the park' with a bunch of total strangers.. so I am sending DD1 with her.. she can manage a couple of hours park life.. This is one of the parents I do not know by sight.

Parties in a park are very common here and in my opinion make the best birthday parties for kids. The parents bring a load of trestle tables and picnic rugs, plonk them on the grass and the kids can run wild. They can play lots more games than you can do in a living room or church hall and it costs nothing to hire for the parents. Most of them I've been to other parents have stayed, quite often booze is involved for the adults, siblings can stay and it makes a great fun afternoon. Even if you don't know anyone, sitting outside with a picnic in the sunshine is a great way to get to know people.

If my children had summer birthdays, we would definitely do it this way.

Spendless

pigpen wrote: »

I get less than a weeks notice for most appointments.. and then consultants etc get pee'd off when I already have other appts that day for people sensible enough to give more notice! Unless you have had several people involved with your child you honestly have no idea.. they are so much worse than adult services!

Re invites.. I am notoriously bad for replying.. I don't speak to anyone at school really.. maybe one of the girls grandmothers and will say hello to others but I could probably match up most parents in reception class with their child.. but thy have spent 2 years at nursery with my daughter and almost a year at school.

Today DD5 came out with 2 invites.. 1 is most sensible.. church hall. blah blah.. yeah NP... the other is terrible.. 2:30 in XX park... !!!!!!? Where abouts? etc.. there is no way I am leaving my daughter just to be 'in the park' with a bunch of total strangers.. so I am sending DD1 with her.. she can manage a couple of hours park life.. This is one of the parents I do not know by sight.

I hate childrens parties so avoid it by not having any! On the VERY rare occasion I have been persuaded to have one we have invited twice as many children as we wanted knowing at least half will not come.

I think it is odd none of the parents replied.. hope you get something sorted it would be a shame to have to cancel as no doubt DD is looking forward to it.

I took ONW to mean that only the odd few parents will have a child with medical appointments that means you can't answer 'yay' or nay' till a week before.

bestpud

Experience has taught me to put a last reply date on the invite and to say parents are welcome to stop but if they aren't could they make sure they leave a contact number. If I need numbers by a set date, I stress this on the invite too.

I will chase them up if I see them but I don't make a massive effort as I consider it their problem if they lack manners. I leave a landline and a mobile number as well as reply slips so people can respond how they choose.

Despite that, there is always at least one who just turns up on the day! :mad:

Unfortunately it is the children who suffer when parents are ignorant as people will just stop inviting them. It's about priorities imo - even if I didn't want my child to go because the party child/parent was truly awful (or whatever), I would still decline politely as I consider it part of caring for my child (and that's before we get onto manners!)

I would be rather put out if someone routinely accepted and then called the week of the party to cancel! I know stuff happens but I wouldn't expect that practice to be common place or to happen more than a couple of times to the same family. That must have a big impact if most parents are doing it!

As an aside, try and keep phone numbers of those who do respond, for future reference.

bestpud

sylvergrunge wrote: »

My youngest DD is 4 and for her party I did invites (not named) that she handed out to the other children in her nursery whilst in the playground before school for a few days in a row. They were unnamed as this then allowed her to give out any extras she had "forgotten". This also meant they were handed out at a time when they could be given straight to the parents. Most parents got back to me within a day or so but there were a few who I never got a response from but that was fine (although mental note taken and I wont be inviting their child next year) as I had hired a hall so numbers weren't an issue. I always put my phone number on the invite as it allows parents to give their answer straight away rather than relying on a reply slip to find it's way back to me.

It is also worth noting that getting invites put into childrens bags at nursery is an easy way to do it but dont always expect them to find their way back to the parents!!!

I have to ask...

If you leave them unnamed and leave your dd responsible for handing them out, how do you know who hasn't responded?

thatgirlsam

i do not allow my children to hand out invites as we can't invite the whole class ( done it once, never again) .. so half the class or more are not invited but wait patiently for their invitations.. i know this is a lesson in life but i am a big softy and it upsets me to see their faces

so i give them discreetly to their mums so there is no fuss about it , the same with thank you letters