The cutting out/cutting down alcohol thread (part 7)

Different_Corner

Budgie
I know this is not in your nature and you are obviously worried about Mr B, but it knocks the stuffing out of you, think you should be selfish occasionally. Look after you. I wish you big hugs and happy things because you are such a sweet and caring person.

maman

115K, good luck with your counselling session. I know you said it's not specifically aout drinking but that seems a symptom/effect of your other issues so I'd bring it up if I were you.

Budgie I completely agree with DC. You must try to distance yourself from MrB's problems. You're so right that it's an illness and you're not responsible. Focus on doing anything you can to help support him but you have to be very careful to not go down with him, that helps no-one. I'm not putting this well but you need a sort of professional distance like doctors develop, keep telling yourself that you must preserve yourself to be able to help MrB in the longer term. Sorry to ramble. Great news that DS is coming home soon. Enjoy his company, focus on yourself.

Back later.

gien

((((budgie)))). I agree with DC and Maman, you need to get a bit more self caring otherwise you will get dragged down. It's the hardest thing to do to but we can't take on and solve all of our loved one's problems -they need to find their own way through.


Feeling great today after three AF days and it is almost entirely due to me having joined the 96 hour challenge. Last night I was tempted but I thought of the challenge and had a cup of tea instead!

So THANK YOU SPARKLES for whipping us into shape.

DB, that's 5 in total now thanks.

brokepaolo

maman wrote: »

115K, good luck with your counselling session. I know you said it's not specifically aout drinking but that seems a symptom/effect of your other issues so I'd bring it up if I were you.

Budgie I completely agree with DC. You must try to distance yourself from MrB's problems. You're so right that it's an illness and you're not responsible. Focus on doing anything you can to help support him but you have to be very careful to not go down with him, that helps no-one. I'm not putting this well but you need a sort of professional distance like doctors develop, keep telling yourself that you must preserve yourself to be able to help MrB in the longer term. Sorry to ramble. Great news that DS is coming home soon. Enjoy his company, focus on yourself.

Back later.

I can only echo the above for both of you.

115k
When seeing a doctor, it is sometimes difficult to not feel judged by him/her especially when it comes to things like smoking, drinking, drugs, diet or exercies/the lack thereof but ultimately they are being paid by your taxes to offer you advice and support for whatever your ailment may be, be it physical or emotional or both. Of course they will tell you to cut down or stop drinking, even if you have already cut down significantly, and as much as this can sometimes sound like a telling off, it isn't meant that way and to be fair, they are right in telling you to do so. The important thing is not to hide things from your doctor, they can probably half guess what you're hiding anyway and then you'll end up really feeling like a naughty kid whose been caught telling fibs.

I've often been to the doctor and told them that I've been feeling depressed and when they've asked the main reason, I'd reel off all sorts of possibilities before saying 'actually, scrap that, it's because on top of those problems, I've been drinking like fish to block them out' and that has usually drawn an understanding nod from the doctor rather than the inevitable 'and what have you been doing to cope with these problems?' question.

It's tough but try and see the doctor as a reflection of what you would be like if you were healthy and happy, talk to them as though you were asking how to be like that person, because you've been that person once and you want to be that person again, it's just a matter of being encouraged and having the support and drive to get there.

all the best.

Budgie
If as I suspect the illness in question here is depression, as it sounds like it might be, then I really feel for you because my dad has suffered from severe depression for the whole time I've been alive and since my mother died 4 years ago, it has become even more apparent because he only has my sister and I to rely on. It can seem like the sufferer is being selfish or unappreciative and this will inevitably affect you. Sometimes it can feel like you're bound to end up in the same boat but use the time you have to yourself to really instill the notion in your mind that you need to be as good to yourself as you are to the sufferer, because neglecting yourself will only prevent you from being able to project positivity towards the sufferer and then you both lose out.

Easier said than done, I know but I notice distinct improvements in my dad's moods when I tell him about really good things that have happened, not necessarily things about me, it can be even a story in the newspaper that made me smile or talking about times in the past which were good, like holidays or special occasions then trying to tie them in with the possibility of such a good time occurring again.

The whole 'I wish I had a disease and would die' scenario is awful and I'm sorry that you have to hear it but it really isn't what it sounds like, it's a call for attention and whenever my dad would say things like that, either my sister or I would say 'ok, let's go for a walk then' and if the reply came back as 'I don't feel like it' we'd ask what he did feel like doing. Just try to stay strong and persist with engaging the person, it may feel like a thankless task but in essence it is feeding them what they really want the most, and that is to know that someone cares.

69chick

What a lovely post Brokepaulo :T some fantastic words for budgie there that I would echo...look after yourself your budgieness and give ds a big hug when you see him x

115k good luck with the counselling hun..

Jo I sooo get where you are coming from about not having to do lunches and stuff, I had a much better and less stressful morning with ds being off school, just the 2 littlies to drop to nursery then dropped ds off with his grandad and me to work..+ I am doing o/time so will be here till 5.30, so by the time I get home kids will have been fed and watered....bliss!

Hope you are all having a good day.....

brokepaolo

I'm going to the pub after work with some friends this evening. I told them last Sunday that I was going to lay off the booze for a bit and even asked them if they fancied giving it a go themselves.

needless to say I've yet to hear from any of them this week so it will be interesting to see their reactions when I order a lime soda at the bar.

also, hopefully the barmaid I like will be there and we can have another chat

budget_babe

HI Guys,

Thankyou so much for your kind words, DC, Maman, BrokeP, 69CHick, and Gien :A I am feeling much better now, my friend rang me earlier to thank me for her present and to tell me off for spending too much money;) I burst into tears, I was out with her and other friends on Tuesday. She commented that it seems that when I am feeling good, Mr Budgie seems to bring me down every time.

It has made me think and also he made a comment which has been playing on my mind. It was: "perhaps I am playing with you, I don't know"? He only ever says these things to me or has rages only with me????

Strange really. But he rang earlier and I have asked him to stay away this morning and I will ring him when Ds is on the train.

So I do now feel much better.

BrokeP thankyou for your post and the insight you have given. I do hope that you can get chatting to the barmaid again. (She may be thinking, I wished he'd hurry up and ask me out ) I do hope so mate. Hugs (()) xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Oh and Gien I hope you are feeling better hunny too? Big hugs. (()) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

OH and Sim I forgot to ask how the homeless charity went? Hope it was good mate. (()) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Marru thankyou for updating where MP is (()) xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Ok Guys Thankyou all again. :A

Off for a nice cup of rosie lee
Budgie (()) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

brokepaolo

for those of you suffering from anxiety/sleeplessness during your AF attempts, here's another couple of musical suggestions that might help or at least distract you from whatever's bothering you, if only for a while:

Sol Seppy - Slo Fuzz: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wd27YI1Es3Q&feature=PlayList&p=9FDAEE45864A1D3A&playnext_from=PL&playnext=1&index=63

and then the real 'lights out' song from The Early day Miners - Centralia:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ue4XE4Y8HEA&feature=related

sorry if music's not your thing, I absolutely love it and it has been a great help lately.

brokepaolo

one more sorry!

I realise that those 2 songs are a bit on the sad side, so here's one for the morning time to get you out of bed with a smile.

Dan Tyminski - Wheels: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_06a37XrsQw

yeeeee-haw!

115K

Thank you to all the very sweet people for the well wishes. :A

(I did feel like I got some of my feelings out today. This is not an AF day for me though.)

I hope everyone else is doing well.:)