The cutting out/cutting down alcohol thread (part 7)

graemecarter

yellowmonkey wrote: »

Not AF tonight but tomorrows another day

Need to grow some b0llocks and sort this out


Chin up and onwards

I never found it that easy. It wasn't a question of guts or bravery for me A life denying myself something I wanted and craved is not a high quality life in my opinion.
I had to change myself, and thus I would no longer WANT to drink.
There are many people on this thread (not all people) who are really no better off than a year ago. A whole years effort and still struggling.
In my case, as I am an alcoholic, if I fight alcohol I will lose.
I had to stop fighting it and discover other methods

DEBTMONKEY1A

Hi Sim....Good post....you deffo have it 'in the mind' to move foreward!!! I'm sure friends etc will follow...although i admit once you're past a 'certain' age it's a bit harder....it sounds to me (& I'm no shrink!) that part of the reason you drink is to punish yourself (hey...I know that sounds heavy but just a guess??)...I've had periods in my life where everythings been going brill & I've thrown a work 'sickie' just to get wasted...for a whole week??!!!! (G/F was away abroad!)...WHY the f**k did i do that??!! Well after a bit of counselling (only given as G/F was ill with MH problems & it was FREE(!)...only did 2 sessions) & also writing down (i save a word doc-encrypted (!) to my computer & fill in daily my moods...etc so if I DO drink I can go back & pinpoint reasons, etc..really does help) what goes through my head (girly I know but works!)...for example yesterday after 5 AF days & feeling FAB I decided to buy sone vodka (I admit I purposefully bought a 1/2 bottle-not a full one!)...if you see my earlier post it wasn't worth the effort. So looking back on yesterdays 'notes' today I quite calmly & rationally said to myself 'no point in drinking 2night as it didn't really do anything for me yesterday' & on thinking about it the 'benefits' were out-weighted by the negatives....upshot is I've had a calm evening with no urges after making my own informed decision about no booze tonight. I'm not saying I'll never drink again but I'm fairly quickly learning about my relationship with booze by using the above methods...& feels good to be in control!

SimIsOnTheUp

graemecarter wrote: »

I never found it that easy. It wasn't a question of guts or bravery for me A life denying myself something I wanted and craved is not a high quality life in my opinion.
I had to change myself, and thus I would no longer WANT to drink.
There are many people on this thread (not all people) who are really no better off than a year ago. A whole years effort and still struggling.
In my case, as I am an alcoholic, if I fight alcohol I will lose.
I had to stop fighting it and discover other methods

The thing is Graeme -

It's this whole concept of 'powerlessness' within AA that I struggle with.

Isn't that starting from a negative viewpoint?

It's bordering on negative affirmations, going around your head at AA, and the whole notion of 'giving something up to a Higher Power' has never rang true with me

SimIsOnTheUp

It all boils down to, me wishing there was a legal, free, healthy way of getting out of my own head for an evening - without the awful aftermath.

Looks like I've just answered my own question. I need to get into running!

SimIsOnTheUp

DEBTMONKEY1A wrote: »

Hi Sim....Good post....you deffo have it 'in the mind' to move foreward!!! I'm sure friends etc will follow...although i admit once you're past a 'certain' age it's a bit harder....it sounds to me (& I'm no shrink!) that part of the reason you drink is to punish yourself (hey...I know that sounds heavy but just a guess??)...I've had periods in my life where everythings been going brill & I've thrown a work 'sickie' just to get wasted...for a whole week??!!!! (G/F was away abroad!)...WHY the f**k did i do that??!! Well after a bit of counselling (only given as G/F was ill with MH problems & it was FREE(!)...only did 2 sessions) & also writing down (i save a word doc-encrypted (!) to my computer & fill in daily my moods...etc so if I DO drink I can go back & pinpoint reasons, etc..really does help) what goes through my head (girly I know but works!)...for example yesterday after 5 AF days & feeling FAB I decided to buy sone vodka (I admit I purposefully bought a 1/2 bottle-not a full one!)...if you see my earlier post it wasn't worth the effort. So looking back on yesterdays 'notes' today I quite calmly & rationally said to myself 'no point in drinking 2night as it didn't really do anything for me yesterday' & on thinking about it the 'benefits' were out-weighted by the negatives....upshot is I've had a calm evening with no urges after making my own informed decision about no booze tonight. I'm not saying I'll never drink again but I'm fairly quickly learning about my relationship with booze by using the above methods...& feels good to be in control!

Hi DM,

Thanks. Fair point about the drinking due to 'punishing oneself'.

My GF struggles with bulimic tendencies, and she described it as 'purging herself for things she'd (thought she had) done to other people'.

This, I can relate to, and I have certainly drank to 'purge myself' of all the stuff in my head, whizzing about.

SimIsOnTheUp

DMonkey -

I can also relate to what you say, about the 'Why the f* ck did I do that' feeling when everything was going well.

Last Wednesday, things were 'ok', and I almost felt on a slight high, to get stuff out at the Substance Misuse counselling.

An hour later, and I was drinking :-/

graemecarter

maman wrote: »

FH, just wanted to agree with marru and others. AFness doesn't come easy and bells keep ringing but it does get easier with time. I think it was debtmonkey said earlier that for some of us habit is a very strong reason for drinking. When I first started trying some AF nights I was pacing around madly and had to have a drink in my hand at all times after 6pm whether it was water, fizz, tea or anything else. I still miss it but that urge to drink obsessively has passed. I'm sure it will for you eventually.

Sorry it's not a good evening for you Budgie, sleep well. Good luck with a new day tomorrow YM.

1AF please MissP.

Good post.
I don't think my drinking was a habit, more like an addiction. Alcoholism.
Why did I promise myself I wouldn't drink for a week, but 4 days into the week I would drink? Why did I wake up with some cracking hangovers and then drink again?
I crossed the lines I drew, and then crossed the lines I re-drew. I bet many on here didn't think they would polish off two bottles of wine in an evening. Or would drink alcohol in the morning.
Addiction could be defined as being dependent on something that is psychologically or physically habit-forming. To me addiction is also unresolved pain

If we replaced the world drug for Alcohol, I wonder if many people would think they had a drug 'habit' or a drug 'addiction'?

I couldn't go to the supermarket without buying drugs
I was so lonely that I took drugs
I took far too many drugs the other night, and feel awful today
I am spending money I haven't got on drugs
I am sick and tired of taking drugs, yet I still take drugs
The doctor told me to cut down or stop taking drugs, but I still take them
I can only manage one day in three without drugs

Thus I am pretty sure my drinking was more than a habit
Habits can be broken fairly easily, it was not the case with alcohol.

graemecarter

SimIsOnTheUp wrote: »

The thing is Graeme -

It's this whole concept of 'powerlessness' within AA that I struggle with.

Isn't that starting from a negative viewpoint?

It's bordering on negative affirmations, going around your head at AA, and the whole notion of 'giving something up to a Higher Power' has never rang true with me

You're running before you can walk. I had the same questions and reservations, and the more meetings I went to, the more I figured it out.

It seems you are powerless over alcohol anyway Sim - your behaviour last week doesn't suggest someone who has power over alcohol. Quite the opposite. I don't think I am feeling as negatively about things as you are at the moment, so I don't think I have a negative viewpoint

If I don't drink, then the power has gone from alcohol.

SimIsOnTheUp

Graeme - probably the best post of yours I read so far.

Especially - To me addiction is also unresolved pain

That is the bit I worry about. I worry I'll never be able to sort out the pain underneath.

graemecarter

SimIsOnTheUp wrote: »

It all boils down to, me wishing there was a legal, free, healthy way of getting out of my own head for an evening - without the awful aftermath.

Looks like I've just answered my own question. I need to get into running!

Speaking on my experience only:
Execricse helps, but I had to work out WHY I wanted to get out of my head? What don't I like about myself, what do I regret, what should I have done differently, etc

These will not be solved by me running - however if it keeps me away from drink and gives clarity to my thinking, then I should do it!!