The cutting out/cutting down alcohol thread (part 7)

penelopedee_2

graemecarter wrote: »

Good post.

If we replaced the world drug for Alcohol, I wonder if many people would think they had a drug 'habit' or a drug 'addiction'?

I couldn't go to the supermarket without buying drugs
I was so lonely that I took drugs
I took far too many drugs the other night, and feel awful today
I am spending money I haven't got on drugs
I am sick and tired of taking drugs, yet I still take drugs
The doctor told me to cut down or stop taking drugs, but I still take them
I can only manage one day in three without drugs

Oh, that really hit home

graemecarter

SimIsOnTheUp wrote: »

DMonkey -

I can also relate to what you say, about the 'Why the f* ck did I do that' feeling when everything was going well.

Last Wednesday, things were 'ok', and I almost felt on a slight high, to get stuff out at the Substance Misuse counselling.

An hour later, and I was drinking :-/

My alcoholism would make me behave like that. I would wake up and ask myself why? And then I'd do it again days/weeks/months later
It's my responsibility to ensure I don't do that today. I have no-one or nothing to blame if I drink again. The responsibility is mine and mine alone. It's because of that I can remain sober today. I am in charge of me, no-one else

graemecarter

SimIsOnTheUp wrote: »

Graeme - probably the best post of yours I read so far.

Especially - To me addiction is also unresolved pain

That is the bit I worry about. I worry I'll never be able to sort out the pain underneath.

I am sure it can be done Sim. Though for people to do it successfully, they need to be honest, open, and willing. That's H O W you do it.
It's not easy and does sometimes hurt, however I guarantee the pain you feel is not comparable to the pain, self-loathing, and self-pity you were feeling after your recent bender.

If you approach pain head on, you get through the other side quicker. If you try and avoid it, you'll be in it for much longer.
Pain is fear leaving the body

SimIsOnTheUp

graemecarter wrote: »

You're running before you can walk. I had the same questions and reservations, and the more meetings I went to, the more I figured it out.

It seems you are powerless over alcohol anyway Sim - your behaviour last week doesn't suggest someone who has power over alcohol. Quite the opposite. I don't think I am feeling as negatively about things as you are at the moment, so I don't think I have a negative viewpoint

If I don't drink, then the power has gone from alcohol.

Ouch Graeme.

I wasn't claiming to have any power of alcohol at all! Certainly the opposite.

It's just a few of the AA concepts I have trouble with - the disease concept and the HP concept too.

Regarding you not feeling as negatively as me at the moment, that's good to know. I didn't realise it was a competition however!

What I meant was, repeating at AA meetings over and over, that 'one is powerless over alcohol, and that they'll always be an alcoholic' is kind of a negative affirmation in itself.

I do respect where you're coming from though, and I 'get' that once we 'surrender' there's less of a fight against oneself I suppose.

SimIsOnTheUp

It also terrifies me, that I'll never be able to drink, even socially again :-/

SimIsOnTheUp

But then, I'm not socialising with it now. I was drinking 99% of the time, alone.

SimIsOnTheUp

I wish I was living back in London.

The AA meetings where I am, are always full of the same people (pretty much) week in, week out, as it's a pretty small town.

They nice people. However, there's one guy who always holds court, in the same chair every week.

He's about 20 years sober, and he has a sort of inverted arrogance - ie - He'll say "Not that 20 years matters. I'm the same as anyone who walks in here for the first time" but it never rings true.

There is certainly a case of the 'old guard' at *some* of the meetings, where there is this inherent false modesty, and I can not bear it.

The first thing I feel like doing when I leave, is going straight to the pub!

My Girlfriend said the same, and unprompted by me, she said they seemed like a 'cult'.

No offence Graeme, but I have very mixed feelings about the whole 12 step approach.

RecoveringAlcoholic

SimIsOnTheUp wrote: »

It also terrifies me, that I'll never be able to drink, even socially again :-/

I know the feeling, but experience tells me that I will end up in a police cell, a hospital or a mortuary.


.

graemecarter

SimIsOnTheUp wrote: »

Ouch Graeme.

I wasn't claiming to have any power of alcohol at all! Certainly the opposite.

It's just a few of the AA concepts I have trouble with - the disease concept and the HP concept too.

Regarding you not feeling as negatively as me at the moment, that's good to know. I didn't realise it was a competition however!

What I meant was, repeating at AA meetings over and over, that 'one is powerless over alcohol, and that they'll always be an alcoholic' is kind of a negative affirmation in itself.

I do respect where you're coming from though, and I 'get' that once we 'surrender' there's less of a fight against oneself I suppose.

Sorry if It came out lacking compassion. I do feel for you Sim, and wish you well. I don't understand why you say "It's this whole concept of 'powerlessness' within AA that I struggle with" when you admit you are powerless over alcohol. I am powerless too. Nothing wrong with admitting it. It is what it is.

Disease concept and Higher Power stuff - I just went to meetings and then figured it out. If you talk to people, then you'll understand it better. Just because you don't understand everything immediately doesn't mean you cannot go back. If I went to French lessons, I wouldn't expect to figure it all out after an hour. Some people would be speaking fluently, but I'd start at the beginning, and go at my own pace

Feeling negative is not a competition at all - I'm sorry if it read that way. I am just saying that if powerlessness seems negative to you, that's probably because you are feeling negative at the moment.

A friend of mine has a buddy who is an addiction professor at UCLA - this professor says that people who fight addictions lose. People who accept them are more likely to recover.

I had few options available to me and my drinking was getting worse, so I decided to listen to people who had not drunk for a very long time and seemed happy. My life was a mess. I needed to learn and be patient.
I have two ears and one mouth. So I should listen more than I speak

Good luck - I am going to bed

GC

graemecarter

SimIsOnTheUp wrote: »

I wish I was living back in London.

The AA meetings where I am, are always full of the same people (pretty much) week in, week out, as it's a pretty small town.

They nice people. However, there's one guy who always holds court, in the same chair every week.

He's about 20 years sober, and he has a sort of inverted arrogance - ie - He'll say "Not that 20 years matters. I'm the same as anyone who walks in here for the first time" but it never rings true.

There is certainly a case of the 'old guard' at *some* of the meetings, where there is this inherent false modesty, and I can not bear it.

The first thing I feel like doing when I leave, is going straight to the pub!

My Girlfriend said the same, and unprompted by me, she said they seemed like a 'cult'.

No offence Graeme, but I have very mixed feelings about the whole 12 step approach.

The fact that this guy has not picked up a drink for 20 years suggests he is doing something right. If no-one else has a problem with him, then perhaps he is not such an impediment to your attendance. If I have an issue with someone, I need to look at myself to see why that person bothers me. The issue is often mine.
I would try not to let one person stop me getting sober - I die if I drink. I don't want to give my power away that easily.

It's fine to have mixed feelings about 12 steps - I did, and often still do. However, I tried for years to stop drinking, and couldn't manage it. I didn't have any better ideas. And so far it has worked.
It only works for me as I work it. No-one should promise you sobriety is easy. Though it is possible. And now I love not drinking!!