Step Daughter - very long and very complicated

gizmo111

Waiting for a call back from scotland.
My thoughts are though and the process and options aren't that much different up there - the terminology is though.
I wouldn't offer a home just yet, but ask for a foster placement that can provide therapeutic input whilst she returns to school - we're only looking at a very short time before holidays - they start really early up there about mid June? The holidays will be a nightmare if you're working and trying to support this child.
In the meantime you and her father can enrol on some parenting classes and take time to test the waters by having long weekends etc. You and OH can make a plan of how you will mange this child and your relationship.
I would look at all this with a view of her coming to live with you around October time. By which time you will have a better idea of how she copes in a structured environment and how your relationship is developing.
I think if you agree to having her now things will break down very quickly and you may even lose the relationship you have now, a period of planning, monitoring and stability of her whilst you organise yourself will greatly aid a smooth transistion to her being with you.
When is the childrens panel?

jackieglasgow

Really good advice Gizmo. Schools break up 26th June here.

Buddingblonde

No idea when the panel will be - SW said that they are pushing for an urgent hearing but he has no idea when this will be. He said this 10 days ago so I dont know how quick things move.

We are back from the family meal - what a disaster!!! OH rang this afternoon to remind her that she wanted to come to the meal and she started stuttering and stammering over the phone and desperately tried to think of an excuse not to come. OH was firm but fair and challenged her saying that she had said she was coming and that the family were looking forward to seeing her. She then said that she had to go to the toilet (she does this all the time to avoid conflict) and OH said that was ok and that he would ring back. SD was so shocked that she wasnt getting off with not coming that she said she would be ready for him coming for her.
OH went and picked her up and she wasnt dressed up (the place we went was quite posh) - she was in dirty jeans and a filthy t shirt but OH didnt say anything. She said nothing in the car on the way back to pick me up - she sat texting in the car and not even responding to small talk. I got in the car and tried to chat but she ignored me. Got to the restaurent and if she said a dozen words all night that is all she said. Her gran and her granddad tried to chat with with her (avoiding the topics of school and her imaginary illness) but she would not engage. She ate 3 mouthfuls of her dinner and then just played with it and then sat with her mobile on the chair and was texting. As I was sat next to her I could see that all the texts went to her friend that she has the symbiotic relationship with.
OH is taking her to the badminton tomorrow and has said that it will be just him and her - I will not be suprised if she cancels it.

OH and I have talked and we are both of the feeling that she came tonight so that she can tell SW that she has a relationship with her dad so that they will back off - she was clock watching all evening and couldnt hide the fact that she was bored and couldnt wait to get home.

Buddingblonde

Update - she went out with her dad today but brought her friend with her (despite her dad saying that they would just go the two of them) and he noticed that she constantly looks for approval from her friend. This included did she want a drink, did she want lunch after playing, did she enjoy herself. She looked to her friend before being able to answer any question and even when they went for lunch she asked her friend what she should have rather than chosing what she wanted. Very strange behaviour but the friend would not let OH and SD be alone at all.