Relationships and money

Bloomberg

JohnD76 wrote: »

Not wanting to state the obvious, but if you get divorced you need to declare all your assets so why not be honest with the woman you love and married?

My wife was on a very good wage and now is a stay at home Mum looking after our children, I would never dream of keeping anything from her and never have especially something as stupid as how much I earn or what I have in the bank.

Obviously you have never heard of someone running off and clearing out the household pot. If my marriage was to break up I would see my wife alright. She has looked after the children which is no less a contribution than me going to work.

You are confusing seperate finances with being tight fisted.

silentsmile

Me and my boyfriend have seperate bank accounts, but are aware of each others financial situation. For instance, he has a lot of savings - I don't have a brass penny to rub together We are both very strict over our accounts, but usually club together our money at the start of the month and allocate accordingly.

Bloomberg

JimmyTheWig wrote: »

Then why come on here posting "advice" to "anyone who is in a relationship"?

As mentioned in the original post I have had friends who have had bad experiences. Some people say that they would never have a seperate acount from their partner as they feel it creates a feeling of not trusting one another. In my relationship the seperate finances do not create this feeling, hence me saying that every relationship is different. I would have thought that this is quite self evident.

vaporate

I totally agree with the OP on this, and pity the nay-sayers.

At the end of the day, everyone is out for themselves. wife today, !!!!! from hell 2moro.

I most certainly will never open a joint account, why bother? Just ties you down and you are far better off keeping your own money in your OWN bank account. No arguments then.

I would also keep large sums of money a secret too. Who says you have to disclose everything to your partner. Leverage is a nice little cushion.

My view anyway. Hope it makes sense.

Bloomberg

vaporate wrote: »

I totally agree with the OP on this, and pity the nay-sayers.

At the end of the day, everyone is out for themselves. wife today, !!!!! from hell 2moro.

I most certainly will never open a joint account, why bother? Just ties you down and you are far better off keeping your own money in your OWN bank account. No arguments then.

I would also keep large sums of money a secret too. Who says you have to disclose everything to your partner. Leverage is a nice little cushion.

My view anyway. Hope it makes sense.

You talk a lot of sense, as you probably noticed there are some people on here who just do not grasp what we are saying. If you read through this thread you will see that some readers have taken offence at my thread. All the best.

Nottoobadyet

Bloomberg wrote: »

You talk a lot of sense, as you probably noticed there are some people on here who just do not grasp what we are saying. If you read through this thread you will see that some readers have taken offence at my thread. All the best.

Though I have to say mate - your friend was lucky his girlfriend found out about his money and turned into a greedy monster when she did. Otherwise he could have ended up stuck with her!

Bloomberg

Nottoobadyet wrote: »

Though I have to say mate - your friend was lucky his girlfriend found out about his money and turned into a greedy monster when she did. Otherwise he could have ended up stuck with her!

I agree that things could have been worse. Without being big headed I told him not to mention the windfall.

sp1987

It depends on the couple.

Some couples are the same in their view of ''we are one and only need one pot of money''. Provided both are trustworthy with money and it works, good for them.

Others, like myself and my partner, are keen to share lives together and pool resources but at the same time knowing what is one partner's and what is the others.

My best example of the feeling is I would feel a bit bad buying my partner a present out of joint money as he would be paying for it himself and maybe he would have chosen something different had I not got that something. We both like to have money that we can spend on ourselves without feeling the other one might be disadvantaged. It would end up a stalemate where nobody ever got anything worrying that the other would not get any use from it. When both of you have your own money you don't have to hold back on buying something you really fancy when you have the funds ''just in case'' the other wants something.

The problem with some couples is the greed and selfishness of one (or more) person. Holding back from joint finances will protect against that to a certain extent, but not all people avoiding joint finances are untrusting. I trust my partner 100% but still like to spend excess money on things because I just fancy them, and he the same.

TighterThanTwoCoatsOfPain

Bloomberg wrote: »

Obviously you have never heard of someone running off and clearing out the household pot. If my marriage was to break up I would see my wife alright. She has looked after the children which is no less a contribution than me going to work.

You are confusing seperate finances with being tight fisted.

You're assuming i was taken for the money? We were together 7 years, after which time I decided it "wasnt for me" and saw my girlfriend alright.

Whilst reading back i acknowledge you could potentially take offence to my original hurried reply (needed to get back to work! ), I still stand by my viewpoint that if you can't be 100% honest about your financial standing then you're already on the wrong foot.

Friends of ours sound like you, in it that if he gets a large bonus at work he will either keep it a secret, or tell his missus a different amount... Given one of the fundamentals of any relationship is trust, surely you see why I have trouble with your theory?

Out of interest, is your wife aware how in the dark she is?

A poll might be interesting as to if people feel being honest and upfront about financial matters is important in a marriage / relationship.

JohnD76

Bloomberg wrote: »

Obviously you have never heard of someone running off and clearing out the household pot. If my marriage was to break up I would see my wife alright. .....

I think you will find that is the job of the divorce lawyer.