Relationships and money

JimmyTheWig

How do you plan pension provisions if you don'r know what the other is doing with money?
How do you plan what to buy, even, if you don't know how much money you've got?

Firewalker

It seems to me that if measures as the ones suggested but Bloomberg are needed the relationship is not very sound anyway. My OH and I have always had a joint account. And yes we are in debt at the moment but we were able to start moving forward only after discussing the situation openly, each of us taking responsibility and agreeing a shared course of action.

Having separate accounts might be fine but being secretive about this kind of thing? Where would it end? How is payment for different kinds of services in the land of coupledom (meal preparation, for instance)?

No, I would rather be on my own...A relationship with trust makes a couple, a relationship without trust makes for convenient (or not) co-existence.

Firewalker

Gambit

DarkConvict wrote: »

But all in all i agree joint accounts are a bit of a sod. It is best to have the bills in both names but just use a single account, if they are less trusting and want access to statements then get a joint account with no overdraft where both pay in the monthly bills.

Not always possible as I remember trying to have our BT bill put in both names and was told this was not possible as we had different surnames (not being married and all) so I put it in mine as I do all the complaining to companies in our relationship Obviously I know that it means I am responsible for the bills but I'm happy with that.

I have a joint account with my girlfriend and use it to have our DD taken from but we do not have our salaries paid in there, instead transfer our 'share' in every month. I trust my girlfriend 100% as if I didnt, she wouldnt be my girlfriend.

Happytogetdebtfree wrote: »

I have a joint account and both pay wages in and bills out, I don't see it as a negtive thing and I'm happy to share my finances with my husband after all I'd you can't be honest with your best friend who can you be honest with. I do see where your point is but it's not the standard for everyone, for me a joint account is much less hassle and I have nothing to hide :-)

I think I'm in a similar position and agree completely with trusting my girlfriend as she's my best friend! Guess we must be some of the lucky ones :j

Gambit

Also, I am just in the process of buying my first flat with my girlfriend so if you dont trust your other half with a joint account, how can you ever trust them to buy a property with??? As this is a major financial commitment!

Bloomberg

Gambit wrote: »

Not always possible as I remember trying to have our BT bill put in both names and was told this was not possible as we had different surnames (not being married and all) so I put it in mine as I do all the complaining to companies in our relationship Obviously I know that it means I am responsible for the bills but I'm happy with that.

I have a joint account with my girlfriend and use it to have our DD taken from but we do not have our salaries paid in there, instead transfer our 'share' in every month. I trust my girlfriend 100% as if I didnt, she wouldnt be my girlfriend.



I think I'm in a similar position and agree completely with trusting my girlfriend as she's my best friend! Guess we must be some of the lucky ones :j

Fair comment:T

DarkConvict

It does raise a good point, everyones previous experiences with money/people but also on how long you have been in a current relationship with have an affect.

Bloomberg

Firewalker wrote: »

It seems to me that if measures as the ones suggested but Bloomberg are needed the relationship is not very sound anyway. My OH and I have always had a joint account. And yes we are in debt at the moment but we were able to start moving forward only after discussing the situation openly, each of us taking responsibility and agreeing a shared course of action.

Having separate accounts might be fine but being secretive about this kind of thing? Where would it end? How is payment for different kinds of services in the land of coupledom (meal preparation, for instance)?

No, I would rather be on my own...A relationship with trust makes a couple, a relationship without trust makes for convenient (or not) co-existence.

Firewalker

Our finances run very smoothly, I pay all the household bills and the only thing I ask my wife to buy is the food. This leaves her with most of her wages as spare cash. She saves much of this and pays into her pension. I also clothe the children.

Our relationship is very sound. Seperate finances do not mean seperate lives. We seldom even discuss money in our house. We do have trust in our relationship, just remember that every relationship is different.

JimmyTheWig

Bloomberg wrote: »

just remember that every relationship is different.

Then why come on here posting "advice" to "anyone who is in a relationship"?

mazza25

My husband and I have a joint and a seperate account. Our wages go into our seperate accounts. It's more out of laziness than anything else that that is still the case.
However, I have a child and a mortgage and I married him, so if I don't trust him, I probably need my head read. (I do trust him lol )

We've been together 5 years and we still have our 'own' money and I don't see it changing tbh, it works for us.

Britwife

Both my husband and myself would never dream of having separate accounts. As a married couple we are one. I know that sounds corny but that's how we look at it. I think it's sad that so many feel they have to have their own money when married. I do think it's a bit different when you're not married.

I still find it confusing about relationships. I know that nothing will ever separate my husband and I, I am that confident in our marriage and our relationship with God. Marriage is just not a piece of paper, it is a serious commitment between 2 who will work at being a couple everyday and honoring the vows they made to each other. When things go wrong, you have an obligation to work on it. Marriage is also about compromise and give and take.

When I see failed marriages, I feel that there were probably issues before the marriage took place and shouldn't have got married but ignored any red flags. If you ignore any red flags in a relationship no matter how small, they will come back and ruin the relationship. I've been happily married for 7 years now and have never seen a red flag from my husband.

People take relationships too lightly and can be taken down too easily when done that way. If I were just in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, I would never buy a property with that person because there is no way to see the future of it, it's just too easy to walk out the door and you have to fight to get what you paid for. Yeah, I know it's just as easy to walk out on a marriage, but back to what I wrote before, if there are issues or ignored red flags....those are the marriages that are easy to walk away from.

I don't know, I'm not having a go at anybody and I feel badly for those that have been taken financially but you have to move past what happened in the past and change things....like if you feel she or he is the one and know you want to spend the rest of your life with them, marry them....if it's the right thing to do, if not, then don't invest financially together.

Sorry this got so long....I'm not old, just old fashioned. I'm also not trying to get anyone to change how they do things, just sharing my odd opinion.