I want a baby but.....

clearingout

lily76 wrote: »

Don't be selfish. I have to say it in that way i am sorry, but a baby needs a father more than anything else. To have a baby with the one you love is the most beautiful thing in the world. Ever imagine your baby's father massaging your bump talking to the baby how much he loves it? A baby is happier when it knows that there are two people loving it so much and it definitely knows whether it's being loved and expected. The only thing you can do is to wait until you find someone whom you love and are willing to have a baby and family with. Good luck!

at the risk of pulling away from the original post, there are plenty of us out there bringing up perfectly happy babies on our own, thank you very much. I am not a single parent by choice but my youngest child is my happiest and easiest baby by far. He shouldn't be, the stress his father put me through, but he is. And he is loved and adored by myself and his brothers and when his dad can put his girlfriend down for 10 minutes, he loves him too. He is no worse off than the other two for not having had a father during pregnancy, birth and the early months, not at all!

Having baby no.3 was, for me, the 'most beautiful thing in the world' and I would do it again, alone, if circumstances presented themselves just as they did in November 08. I don't usually get rattled at other people's posts but I feel insulted by your comments. Lucky you that you have someone to have children with! I made a bad choice in my husband - not something I could have predicted on my wedding day and that sure as hell isn't OUR children's fault!

richardvc

OP, I wish you luck in your quest and hope you find a suitable man to have a great relationship with which will then bear children !

BUT, without meaning to be offensive, sometimes you can't always get what you want. That is the way life goes !

I wanted kids but never met the right woman and sadly that has passed me by now but I guess it was just meant to be that way..

izzybusy23

lily76 wrote: »

Don't be selfish. I have to say it in that way i am sorry, but a baby needs a father more than anything else. To have a baby with the one you love is the most beautiful thing in the world. Ever imagine your baby's father massaging your bump talking to the baby how much he loves it? A baby is happier when it knows that there are two people loving it so much and it definitely knows whether it's being loved and expected. The only thing you can do is to wait until you find someone whom you love and are willing to have a baby and family with. Good luck!

Erm... my ex never massaged my bump, never spoke to the baby and even had the audactity to say to me that the piece of !!!!!! inside me wasn't his!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, all babies need fathers like that!

Bubby

richardvc wrote: »

BUT, without meaning to be offensive, sometimes you can't always get what you want. That is the way life goes !

But the OP can have what she wants, there is no mention of her "wanting" a man only that she wants a baby and there are options for that.:p

elvis86

izzybusy23 wrote: »

Erm... my ex never massaged my bump, never spoke to the baby and even had the audactity to say to me that the piece of !!!!!! inside me wasn't his!!!!!!!!!!! Yeah, all babies need fathers like that!

With all due respect, more fool you for allowing someone like that to impregnate you.:cool:

jcr16

i think this is only a question you can answer. do what makes you happiest. i was lucky met my hubby at 19 . i'm now 28 . been married 8 years next month and have 3 children. and another 1 or 2 soon. but this wasn't how i intended life to be. i was happy single. met my man and wow it felt right.

However a family member her and her hubby been married all ever since there 20 told they could never have children and excepted it. ( due to complication with her) however she had an op and they said if you want a child now is the time.they now have a gorgeous 18m old and another on the way. but the parents are 40 and 50. not how they planned it to work out but is perfect for them.

my mum had a child at 40 and so did my aunt so don't feel you too old.

It is up to you entirely how you want to proceed, whether it adoption, donor or wait. but whatever you do , enjoy life to the full and have fun. I know it easy to say and hard to hear but if it is meant to be , then it will. But sending you big hugs and thinking of you as i know what it is like to feel very maternal and broody. good luck for the future hun x

sarymclary

timeforme - I hope the fostering goes well for you. That is a very considered, and adult choice to make. Whether you meet 'Mr Right' or not, the fact is that you do have options open to you. Being financially independent makes those options more easily viable.

I am not here to judge whether you would be right or wrong to go it alone. Only you can make that decision, and judge, and until a person has walked a mile in your shoes, neither should they judge you.

Yes, you may well meet the man of your dreams in the next year, or 2, or 5 or 10. You may not.

I can tell you one of my good friend's story. Had a couple of failed serious relationships during her 20's. Failed engagement in her 30's. Met 'the one' aged 37, who then left her a year later, when she fell pregnant (unplanned). She miscarried, and he moved abroad to escape the situation and her. He's never returned. My friend was left devastated. She lost the man of her dreams, and the baby she'd longed for. As a follow-up to the miscarriage, the investigations discovered that she was at least mid-menopausal. They told her that she had approx. 18 months of fertility left. She was still reeling from being abandoned by the guy she loved, desperately hoping he might come back to her, etc. I visited her for the weekend, and during this time, I reminded her of a conversation we'd had many years before, when she'd told me that if she got to her 40's and wasn't with Mr Right, she'd go it alone and have the baby she wanted. I asked her if she wanted to meet Mr Right more than she wanted to have a child. If she could find the answer deep within her heart to that, she'd know what to do.
6 months later I accompanied her to have her first insemination at a hospital. It failed. 3 months later she had the 2nd insemination. The following spring my gorgeous goddaughter was born, prematurely.
It's not been easy, but my friend had a great network of friends and family around her who were supportive of her decision, and were there with her before, during and after. Yes it's hard work being on your own, but then you can't really think otherwise. It can isolate you, if you're working hard, then caring for a child, and weekends and bank holidays can be pretty hollow if you're not doing the 'perfect family' thing. But then several single parents, who've been abandoned by a partner/spouse get that too.

If you need some reassurance, you could always go to your GP in a couple of years time, and ask to have a blood test to check your fertility. You may have to pay for this. With the support of a good GP you would find things more reassuring in years to come.

Perhaps you need to have a target time ahead to meet, that will be your cut-off point? Say, if by age 35 your circumstances haven't changed, that could be the time you'd decide to go ahead with plans on your own? That way you have the reassurance of knowing you can take control, if need be, but can also get on and enjoy life in the meantime.

My only word of advice I gave to my friend was that you don't get holidays from children, or nights off. Also, my own experience of being in the workplace and having a baby who was sickly was met with no sympathy from my bosses, and I was asked why I didn't have a 'back up plan' for childcare for a sick child, when the creche wouldn't take them. The problem is, a sick child really only wants it's parents, so it'd be hard to leave them with anyone. Suffice to say, I wasn't surprised when I got made redundant, but I worked in an office with single professionals, in their 30/40's who didn't understand the needs of children, or for that matter, a parent. My friend has found the pressure to provide, particularly in the current climate, very stressful, and as she's done it alone, I think she feels she needs to retain a certain standard of living, to prove she made the right choice, which in itself is a big pressure.

lily76

clearingout wrote: »

at the risk of pulling away from the original post, there are plenty of us out there bringing up perfectly happy babies on our own, thank you very much. I am not a single parent by choice but my youngest child is my happiest and easiest baby by far. He shouldn't be, the stress his father put me through, but he is. And he is loved and adored by myself and his brothers and when his dad can put his girlfriend down for 10 minutes, he loves him too. He is no worse off than the other two for not having had a father during pregnancy, birth and the early months, not at all!

Having baby no.3 was, for me, the 'most beautiful thing in the world' and I would do it again, alone, if circumstances presented themselves just as they did in November 08. I don't usually get rattled at other people's posts but I feel insulted by your comments. Lucky you that you have someone to have children with! I made a bad choice in my husband - not something I could have predicted on my wedding day and that sure as hell isn't OUR children's fault!

If my post let you down then I have to say I did not mean to hurt anyone and my post does not aim to insult anyone nor to blame single parent. I don't know why you feel being 'insulted' as I never mentioned anything about the less lucky girls who met the wrong men in my post. What I mean is the sperm donner thing itself not any other cases.

And there is huge difference between it and your case. I believe if you can choose you wouldn't choose to be a single mum, and it's not your fault, but having a baby through a donnated sperm means choosing to be a single mum under one's own will and the baby wouldn't even know who its dad is. It's not a same thing. All I want is to pull OP out of the idea of sperm donner. Surely it is her right to do so, but I just want people to spare a thought for the babies.

samandona

Lily - you can't miss what you've never had.

pinkclouds

lily76 wrote: »

having a baby through a donnated sperm means choosing to be a single mum under one's own will and the baby wouldn't even know who its dad is.

I was under the impression that anonymous sperm donation, in this country, ceased in 2005. Any donor-conceived child born now would know who their donor was.