I want a baby but.....

Redman30

There's a few of us fellas who so far have avoided having kids, whether that's fear, pig headedness or not finding the right woman I'll leave up to you. I never thought I'd want kids, but since my sis has had kids, they've grown up, and I've kinda melted.

Of course, I'm single too so it's all for naught at the moment, but to me, it would mean nothing without a partner to love and bring up my kids with. Oh and I'm 35, but I'm a bloke, so biologically there's not much of an issue, however I kinda feel 'ready' if you you know what I mean?

Loulou2010

well there we go...redman wants kids...so do u...

Sagz_2

If you want to be a Mum, and don't need to be in a relationship, then how about adoption?

Oldernotwiser

You may not even be able to have children!

Enjoy your life and if marriage and children happen then look on that as a bonus.

msb5262

Hello OP,
Please don't take this the wrong way but if your relationship only broke up last summer, it's early days yet to be thinking that you CAN'T find another partner.
I suspect that your sadness over your relationship ending has spilled over into worry about the future and about possible lack of a father for your future children - have you considered getting some counselling to discuss what happened last year? I get the feeling that you are in need of love and companionship, and that you're getting anxious about the long term because of that.
I reckon that there's a lot going on in your head at the moment, and counselling really might help you to sort out what you are feeling and find a way to move on. I don't mean, see a counsellor and he or she will talk you out of this idea of having a baby alone...I mean that seeing a counsellor might well help you to move on to a point where you can really start thinking about new relationships in a constructive way.
Just a thought you might like to consider. Anyway good luck with whatever you decide!
MsB

Rockporkchop

Sorry about your stupid ex. At your age I would definitely wait a while before going down the single mum/donor route, you sound like a great catch and I'm sure there is someone out there for you.

Have a look at fertilityfriends.co.uk/forum - there is a single women thread on there, a great bunch of ladies who are going through exactly the same thing as you so will hopefully have some advice or suggestions.

In the meantime you should come over here and spend a couple of hours with my children - that should remove all your maternal urges for at least a couple of years.

Best of luck.

xx

timeforme_2

oh wow thank you for the replies!:o

Redman, whats your number?:rotfl:

Thanks everyone.

In regards to the new partner/relationship view, I dont see myself settling down and getting married for a few years just due to my ex and general mistrust of men:(

I guess I will wait for my Prince Charming (;))

Milsey-Girl

timefor me, you don't sound that unlike me when I was 28 (12 yrs ago) - my childhood sweetheart had just left me after having an affair with my then best friend and when we'd been trying to have kids for 3 years with no success......fastforward to 4 years later when I was 32 and I was married to the man of my dreams and had 2 beautiful daughters:D:D

You just don't know what is round the corner for you, don't panic yet, just enjoy your life:beer:

miss_independent

OP, I've just turned 26 and I feel the same way now I'm pushing thirty! I am at the stage where I've been so hurt that I can do without men but I feel I was born to be a mother and I do work with kids (teacher/trainee educational psychologist) and had my colicky teething baby niece staying with me 24/7 whilst I was sitting my A-Levels so, like you, I do know what kids are really like! Deep down I still wish with all my heart to meet and marry an amazing man, fall in true love and have lots of children. However, as I've got older I've started to realise all of that is a privilege, not a right and so many people think it is there right. I have an aunt and a cousin who have never married and will never have children as well as an elderly lady I know who says she wishes " she had done away with her morals and had a child outside of marriage". What all of that has made me realise is that I have to have a plan B. The way I feel now it genuinely hurts, I cry alot but knowing that if the worst comes to the worst I will adopt makes me feel better.

However, although I've grown up with a dad we don't have much of a relationship, he never talked to me or hugged me as a kid and it is that which has left a gaping hole inside of me and probably which has caused me relationship problems (I always go for bad boys who want to hurt me). Honestly, I would want my kids to have a dad, I want them to have what I never did and I want to have a "family". I worry I am being selfish by contemplating having kids without having a dad around for them. I think thats why I would rather adopt than do sperm donation because they are kids who are already here and who have had problems and felt unwanted - I can relate to that. But then, I would love to know what it is like to have my baby growing inside of me and to bring into the world, to give it life and pass on a part of me. Ugh, I just don't know what to think anymore, sometimes I wonder what life is all about.

The way I look at it is, at least we know that we want marriage and family and babies now rather than leaving it way too late and only focusing on careers and waking up one day and seeing the time has passed and its too late. I really hope we do both find the right man and we get our chance of being mothers and having proper families. I told someone that I wanted to adopt as I worry I won't meet the right guy and she told me someone she knew adopted two little girls from China and then met her Prince Charming - its funny how life can often work out so well!

pinkladyof66

I got divorced at 28 and from 28 - 38 was looking for that someone special in which to marry and have a family, at 38 I met my now husband and we unfortuately are unable to have our own child, nothing wrong with either of us just seems we left it too late, been down the road of ivf and no luck, we are in the early process of applying to adopt it will be our only chance of having a child, I have been waiting since I was 26 for a family, in hind sight now would have I done anything different yes i probably would have I would have considered a sperm donor child if I knew I would now be 44 and no sign of a family, people say you will meet someone yes I met many chaps in the 10 years I was single but none of them husband or father material, so I would say do what you think is right if you feel ready and able to have a child why not do it on your own, you wouldnt want to be in my situation futher down the line.