I want a baby but.....

UKTigerlily

I've desperately wanted kids for many years, but due to MI I won't ever have any. The way I see it is people should think of the potential baby not themselves, just because a child is wanted doesn't mean it should be concieved. A child has the right IMO to know BOTH parents, not just one. Please don't use a doner, fostering sounds brilliant, good luck!

xmaslolly76

property.advert wrote: »

The one word which comes to mind is selfish. Kids need two parents, not just a hormonally unbalanced mother with financial resources.

What a completely ignorant comment. A child needs a loveing stable environment where is can be nurtured, cherished and looked after that doesnt = having to have two parents in all cases in fact there are a few couples i know would be better off not being couples for the sake of the children. Yes it is the "ideal" situation but it doesnt always work out that way and there are plenty of very good single mothers out there who have wonderful well balanced children to prove the point in question :mad:

ceridwen

Bonnie2009 wrote: »

I remember when I was in my mid twenties and really felt desperate to have a child. I read an article by Irma Kurtz, who was the agony aunt for Cosmopolitan who said that even if you had a child, you would still have that desperation for another, because it was your body not your mind that was making you feel like that. Because of that, she said, you can afford to wait, because having the child won't take away the desire to get pregnant.

It was the best piece of advice I've read - I'm sure I would've tried to 'accidentally' get pregnant otherwise.

As to the sperm donor - sorry, but that's just horrible! You'll have a child you'll love more than life itself and then you will have to explain that he doesn't have a father who will cherish him; in fact you've no clue who the father is. Your child will see other children with their fathers and will always feel a sadness throughout his life that he doesn't have that.

Why not try to discriminate when you look for men, and look for those who will be decent fathers, rather than those who are immature and unwilling to commit?

As for being too old! 28 has to be just about the best age to be - lots of potential for the future, everyone treats you as an adult, enough single men to make life interesting....

One of the best posts I have read on this thread.

I know its currently unfashionable to say "Children need fathers" - but I have no truck with fashionable opinions. I would rather vote for commonsense than fashion any day of the week. Children DO need fathers and have a right to have fathers (ie in residence and married to/or SECURELY living with the mother) regardless of what fashionable opinion is these days. A balanced input from both a man and a woman is required - not to mention two adults who both care about the child and are bringing it up together. That's not even mentioning what happens in a single parent family if that solo parent is ill - at least in a marriage there is still another parent to hand that will look after that child.

tiredanddesperate

Don't panic - you have time to find your man and have a family.

The fostering is a great idea.

I was in the wrong relationship for a long time until I finally managed to leave at the age of 33. Within a year I had met 'the one'. IVF failed so we looked at adoption and within a year we were proud parents to 3 gorgeous boys, aged 5, 6 & 7

We jumped right in at the deep end with triplets. One day we were a couple, then next a fully-fledged family.

For us we realised that having a family was more important than a baby...I mean our boys came able to feed themselves and dress themselves (although they could also speak and therefore answer back!:cool:)

Four years on we have 1 at grammar school doing well, 1 currently practicing for his 11+ & the 3rd generally enjoying school (he also wants to do his 11+). They are bright, articulate, full of life and happy - they are also loud, argumentative and, at times, downright horrible :eek:

I wouldn't change them for the world

We have the usual family life, with a few extras thrown in and it's great! :j

Enjoy your life, don't worry - you have time...

clearingout

I am about to turn 40 and have three children. The first two were done 'properly' with my now ex-husband and the third was an accident, conceived around 4 days before he walked out on me for another woman. That baby is now nearly 11 months old.

There are pros and cons to both ways! Obviously, I had a hellish time emotionally with my 3rd pregnancy because of the crap the ex was putting me through. But the birth and early days were a dream compared with the other two and I believe that was because I was on my own, doing it my way, doing what I wanted with the baby, when I wanted. I guess it helped knowing what I was doing having had two others, but not having to dance to my ex's tune in terms of what baby's need/don't need, routine etc. made life so much easier.

The downside is having no one to share their milestones with - first smile was recorded in a text to my friends, not my ex (who at that time was denying baby was his - very long story) and it's me he cries for all the time, every time! It's very wearing. There's no one to hand him to after a hard day's teething, no rest, no personal space at all. He is very precious to me, obviously, and I worked hard to keep him (threatened with losing him continually during the pregnancy, largely due to the stress my ex put me under) but I wish there was someone here with me to take on some of the strain. I wish desperately that he wasn't mine alone and I wish that I didn't have to hand him over to some other, smug as hell woman who couldn't give a you know what about him and an ex who sees him because he has to, not because he wants to.

But that's life. Sperm donors are different, I guess. But just wanted to share.

rach

OP just to provide you with some hope. I was almost the same age as you and was convinced after a bad relationship that I'd never meet anyone and settle down and yet here I am, now 32 and happily married with a baby on the way. However, likeconfuzzled I did buy hubby on the internet!

timeforme_2

property.advert - how dare you call me selfish? You do not know anything about me other than a few posts on a forum.

If you had read my last post, I am looking at fostering. I have not gone out and had a one night stand or gone to a sperm donor in complete desperation.

Have a look at your own life before you start criticising others.

lily76

Don't be selfish. I have to say it in that way i am sorry, but a baby needs a father more than anything else. To have a baby with the one you love is the most beautiful thing in the world. Ever imagine your baby's father massaging your bump talking to the baby how much he loves it? A baby is happier when it knows that there are two people loving it so much and it definitely knows whether it's being loved and expected. The only thing you can do is to wait until you find someone whom you love and are willing to have a baby and family with. Good luck!

lily76

I guess people say you selfish is because you only want to satisfy your own need and never put it into a logical circumstances and never think how the baby will feel. What if the baby asks you about its dad?

flimsier

timeforme wrote: »

I'm an avid lurker on the forums (have been for a while) but have only rencently joined. Please don't think I'm a troll, just after some advice.

So, as the title says: I want a baby but I am single and unmarried:sad: (single since last July when ex cheated on me - we were planning a baby this year but he left for someone else:mad:)

Thats obviously the major flaw. I am 28, have my own flat, a very good job (with fab maternity benefits!), brilliant family and friends, a good life in general but the one thing I have craved since I was a teenager I dont have.

What do I do? A sperm donor? Wait till I meet someone?
Has anyone had this and how do you cope with it?

thank you
TFM

You have A LOT of time yet. Seriously. I know what it's like to want a baby, but how about preparing for the baby and thinking about how you might have one in a better situation (though I concede, you are in a good financial and personal position to have one now).