Pay off mortgage and start having fun!

CathT

Even though it's after their birthdays you'll have a tiny mortgage by then

newgirly

True cath, I think I may be a bit obsessed with the dates!

Still no internet, hopefully today is the day.

Dd's boyfriend has a problem, his dad has decided to sell up and move away , buying somewhere smaller so he and one of his sisters can't come. He is going to have to rent somewhere, which will totally stop his saving towards buying a property. After a few hours discussion with dh, we have decided to probably offer to let him stay here :eek:

I can't say I'm ecstatic about it as we don't live in a palace and I like privacy, but he is a lovely guy who we all get on with and he is desperate for dd to finish her degree and do the career she wants while he works and saves for their future.

I guess time will tell if it's the right decision but I think we should offer ( they are together most of the time currently ) it's all just a bit of a surprise.

Moneyfordreams

It is very generous of you...... mind you , will he pay rent and knock a few months off for you ?

greent

Ooh yes, ng - need to factor in extra costs from him and make sure he pays enough to cover! xx

newgirly

Oh don't it's such a dilemma , if it's my kids I would be charging as much as I can get away with then saving it up secretly to hand back in the future when they want to move out. With a non family member I obviously wouldn't be doing that, I think he pays his dad about £200 so am thinking a similar amount would be reasonable all in, it's difficult , I don't want to be greedy but also don't the want to feel like it's not enough if he ends up staying for years (:eek::eek:) , I would never have the nerve to ask for more in the future! Hopefully it won't be happening though as we are quite full!

Good news today - internet fixed after a long boring catalogue of missed appointments and not very helpful phone company.

Bad news, dh started work at 3 am and is still there, I've just got back from the cinema with ds2 and given him a verbal warning crazy working hours, if I didn't work with him I might think he had a second family somewhere the amount of time he is not at home.

greent

Depends what £200 per month covers - all food? will you be doing his washing? ironing? It's not just the extra ££ spends but extra time you might spend on his things.

£200/ mth is a good deal for him imo xx ( I paid my mum £125/ mth back in 1991!!)

newgirly

I don't know really I guess I'll have to work it out if and when the time comes, I used to pay £25 pw (also in 1991!) I'm still hoping his dad stays put

So busy at work at the Moment which is good, come new year we will be struggling again, I have been putting in extra hours in most days while the work is there to do.

We are away Sunday night visiting dhs older brother and his dw in Lincoln - it's also Lincoln Xmas market weekend yay!! :rudolf: we are hoping to just meet them in town (we have a premier inn booked) for lunch or dinner , but we may have to drive out to theirs to see all their home improvements / changes in wallpaper etc. Sorry I sound like a total c*w, they can be a little trying

Anyway to do list needed:

Do all washing

Ditto ironing

Cleaning /tidying

Check accounts

Pack for Sunday night

Buy last couple of table presents for Xmas dinner

Put up decorations - not sure yet, was think of doing it later

Wrap Xmas presents

See best friend for coffee

Take another friend to cinema Friday

AlexLK

Personally, I think if your daughter is serious about this boyfriend and they have a future together I wouldn't have a problem with him staying if I were the parent in this scenario. I wouldn't personally charge "rent" and certainly cannot understand parents charging their own children "rent". However, at university age I'd fully expect them to be self sufficient (do own laundry, cook some family meals etc.).

newgirly

Hi Alex, of have to say I disagree - would you have wanted to live with a girlfriends family and NOT pay your way? I think that would feel quite awkward!

As for the kids, too right they will pay rent when they are earning ( please god one day :rotfl:) they will be adults who will need to learn that nothing is free and the have to pay their way and learn to look after their money. It's not about taking money from your kids as I would personally save the lot and give it back when they moved out , hopefully with a lot more added to it.

My plan is to be tough and not to spoil them too much when they are growing up and then be able to hopefully help them financially with deposits in the future. Having said that if our own financial situation was a lot harder I would be using their rent to buy food and pay billls if we needed it.

I am with you on the help around the house issue and that is an ongoing battle for me at the moment, It's my fault as I was always a sahm with dh working long hours and so did everything, now that's not the case and the kids are all older it's still a pattern I slip into. Dd is very self sufficient , cooking and washing etc. they boys are getting better but are essentially fairly messy teenagers!

My mums house has always been like a showhome, she hoovers multiple times a day, so I rebelled as a teen and was incredibly messy, she always said I would get my commupance and now I am :rotfl:

daisy_1571

Hi there, I'm with you NG on the paying digs front. I don't think its a good idea for them not to pay digs as it is not giving a realistic view of the world. Paying this helps you realise that food, electricity and all the etcs you get when you continue to stay at home all cost money and now you are earning it is only right to help pay towards your way in the world. Its part of being an adult.

I assume, Alex, you don't think most parents take every penny of the child's wage, the way you said it would appear you think its similar to chucking them out and putting them in the workhouse lol. It does go a long way towards helping them be an adult with a healthy relationship with money ie how hard/long it takes to earn and how easy/quick it is to spend. TBH and IMHO I would have thought you would have learnt that the hard way and have similar strategies already fermenting for little K's future so he doesn't have to go through the years of self loathing over some of your financial decisions (that you now would describe as mistakes even though they were taken at a totally different point in your life) that you have had since your light bulb moment.

NG, to be in a position where you don't actually need this money to go into the household budget and be able to save it for them is wonderful (as long of course as they do not know this and are also saving some of their own money so the gift comes as a wonderful surprise which must be difficult by the time you get to the third one leaving the nest lol).

Well done on offering to have the BF. With a few rules in place at the beginning there should be no resentment or hurt feelings about length of showers, lights on/off, TV/music levels (and hours of use if he is a night owl and you are both trying to get some shut eye), heaps of washing, extra food prep etc that may make you feel a bit undervalued. As long as he is aware (and this will depend very much on him and his life attitudes i suppose) that £200 is not buying a 24 hour maid/hotel service and he knows is expected to pitch in etc it will be a lovely time in all your lives helping him out.

take care
daisy xx