Helping someone with Post Natal Depression.

Savvy_Sue

I had PND too, never suicidal but pretty bad at times. The thing was, I only felt very low when I was on my own with the babies, as soon as anyone else was there I felt fine. So I scored OK on the HV assessments, because you're not supposed to think too deeply about your answers, and because she was there, I was fine!

Fortunately my friends were the sort who would come in and just do things, and I wasn't too ill to go out - in fact going out was FAR better than staying in!

This page of the Association for Post-Natal Illness website has information for carers (partners, friends etc) as well as links to other sites.

It might also be worth seeing if the local branch of the NCT has a support group specially for mums with PNI.

abbecer

I am sat here with tears in my eyes because i am reliving my PND. I have always been a really outgoing confident person but two bouts of postnatal depression ended that, at least for a very long time. I got it first time and was really poorly. By what was almost a miracle conception i found out i was pregnant again. I was devasted and hated the baby inside me as i was so scared of it happening again. This was made worse by the fact that i saw a locum doctor about 2nd pregnancy and he withdrew all my anti depression tablets with immediate effect as they were dangerous for the baby. I had terrible withdrawal and really thought i was going to die. I couldn't stop being sick, i couldn't stand up and the pains in my body were unbearable, this lasted for nearlty 3 weeks. Such quick withdrawal then lead to prenatal depression. As the birth drew nearer i hated my husband as i thought he had forced me to have a baby i didn't want. Miraculously as soon as my son was born i loved him so much. Unfortunately he has intolerences and it took till he was 8 weeks old to diagnose this. Up until then he had never taken more than 1 ounce of milk or slept for more than 1 hour. I was constanly at GP's but they kept saying i was 'fussing'. By now PND was back with a vengence!! I didn't leave the house, had panic attacks and was absolutely obsessed by suicide. I constantly visualised ways to do it, i had no energy left to continue going through it. One day i made my mind up that was the day. My mum thought she was having the kids to give me a rest. By chance the health visitor called unannounced. She took one look at me made a phone call and 45 minutes later the psychiatrist and 3 nurses were at my house ready to admit me to hospital. They phoned my husband from work. He begged them not to take me in as he knew that ironically i would get worse if i wasn't with the children. They reluctantly agreed providing that i was on 24 hour suicide watch and all potentially lethal objects were removed from the house. They removed all medications etc and came to give me tablets and councelling daily. My son is now 18 months old. I am still on medication but things have transformed beyond recognition. I now have my own business working from home and decided not to return to nursing. I have two beautiful boys and a fantastic supportive husband and family. I never thought it would end but it has and my life is even better because i don't take things for granted. I am constantly trying to do things with my boys and take them nice places as i feel a lot of guilt for neglecting them and having the feelings i had. Both my husband and myself would like more children but given my history have decided that this would be stupid so he has his vasectomy in September. As much as we love him we don't want anymore little Joe's. I feel lucky everyday that i'm here for my husband and my boys and to see them grow up.

Sorry to waffle but once i started i just couldn't stop. It's been helpful sharing it and reading other people's experiences.

Rebecca x :rotfl:

Horasio

I had agoraphobia after I had my son, I was OK when hubby was at home helping but when he went back to work, I felt really scared to go out with my small baby alone.

When you are pregnant, giving birth and having visits for a few days after, you get a lot of support and company. That seemed to dry up afterwards.

The health visitor wrongly diagnosed my son's illness, so felt a loss of faith in them afterwards. It turned out he had something more serious and had emergency surgery at 4 weeks old.

My son was a good sleeper, so didn't feel too sleep deprived. I breastfed for 3 months too but I was nervous of taking him out post op until the weather got better (he was born in February).

hollydays

Thank you to everyone who has posted on here.It has really given me a huge insight into how a person can feel.,at a time when i was feeling a bit scared as to what was going on for her. you are all busy Mums I appreciate the time you have taken to post and hope i can support my friend as much as she needs.

Rachie_B

oh abbecer (((hugs))) i have tears in MY eyes now reading your story !

im so glad things are good for you now ,it must have been so awful

Rach x

abbecer

Thanks Rachie B. It was awful, but i think that this shows that no matter how bad things are you can overcome it. PND has made me the person i am today. My life is better than ever and i have so much to be thankful for. I have a really close fantastic relationship with both my boys and my husband and love them all dearly.

If anyone has PND and would like to talk a would be more than willing to offer my shoulder. Just PM me and i will reply asap.

Rebecca x

hollydays

Anyone here tell me if they found the pill made their depression worse.(Logynon) also if they could be ok for a week then down for a week?

jellyhead

is that a contraceptive pill? not sure, but i can say for definite that the depo jab changed my moods. there are people who aren't affected at all though.

i'm not doubting that your friend is depressed but is it possible that she has very bad PMS? my sister started having problems after her second son was born. it seemed to be PMS rather than PND, and prozac helped her a lot.

hollydays

Yes it is the contraceptive pill.My friend still refuses to see the doctor,but now thinks maybe her symptoms started around the time she took the pill.She says she is now going to stop taking it.She is up and down.When i speak to her on the phone the change is obvious..On a good week she is up with the lark,cleaning the house getting on,happy.On a bad week ,when she speaks she almost has a slur at times where she cant open her mouth to speak as clearly as usual(dont know if i explained that well,but those who have been depressed will understand re complete lack of energy),she doesnt get up till late,even then is still tired,just sits on the sofa,no energy,she says she cant stop eating,but she is quite slim.She feels very down at these times.Particularly feeling guilty because she cant get motivated.At these times explaining "forget about the housework" doesnt help.She is getting support from her partner,but i think he is lost as to what is going on.I cant speak to him.

abbecer

Hiya Hollydays,

I was actually put on the pill for my depression to try and balance my hormones. I don't know if it actually worked or not due to the fact that i was on antidepressants also. The mood changes you are explaining are what i experienced and i think they are totally normal with PND. I would have a good few days and think that i was getting better, then i would come down with a bloody big bang and feel worse than ever. My sympathies really are with your friend. You are too tired to do anything, housework etc and then you feel more depressed because of the mess around. The guilt you feel about everything is tremendous, you feel like a bad mum, bad wife, bad housekeeper etc.

I would like to say how lucky your friend is to have such a loving supporting friend. It is also difficult for you and her family because you don't know what to do to help and wish you could make it go away. When you are in the throws of PND you think no-one understands how you feel. I would suggest that if it is difficult to talk to her face to face you write her a letter. A supportive letter saying how you are concerned about her and want to do everything you can to help. Suggest that she sees the GP and you will go with her if she wants. You want to see her happy again so that she is back to her happy carefree self. It may not work but she may take more notice of a letter as she can read it again and again and it maybe won't seem as interfering to her.

Please keep me informed of how you get on. If i can be any help at all just ask.

Rebecca x:rotfl: