I'm pregnant and in shock

ladybez

Congratulations. Know what you mean about being in shock!! If it any consolation, every woman worries about how good a mum she will be and it is a very steep learning curve but very rewarding at the same time. Only you, and your other half, can decide what's right for you. Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

confusedandemotional

Thanks yet again, you are all so lovely. :A

Just to clarify for those who were asking, I work as does OH. I have my own place and OH lives with parents, my own don't live too far away. The only debt I have is my mortgage and c.£4700 on credit card :eek: (I negotiated 0% for 15 months on a card I was going to close, v. MSE!) I was hoping to pay within around 18 months but it may have to take a back seat.

If I am to go ahead I think we should live together, I'll need support, and I am really concerned about being depressed as I have suffered before. Actually, I think I'm worried about EVERYTHING but I think that must be only natural...

esmf73

Get used to being worried as a future parent. Although I was married I wouldn't have said that it was a particularly stable relationship - in fact we were using Relate until 2 weeks before DS1 was conceived! My boys are now 6 and 4 and although the worries have changed I still worry about them and my capability as a parent - think this is natural because I can't see what they'll be like in the future.

We've had our tough times and we've have some exceedingly difficult times, but we're still together despite life, as we knew it, having changed beyond all recognition. Having the boys has made me slow down and see the good things in life - the sunrise (yes I'm usually up!), sweetly smelling flowers, an unexpected hug.

I should say that some of the difficulties we have experienced are not due to the children at all - my OH has depression, family members are terminally ill etc. Whatever your decision is you will surprise yourself.

Please don't think that people will judge you if you decide to have a termination - of course they probably will, but remember that they do not know all the facts of your life. Best of luck in whatever you decide - it isn't an easy decision.

Pollycat

confusedandemotional wrote: »

and I really need to know what OH really thinks! x

confusedandemotional wrote: »

If I am to go ahead I think we should live together, I'll need support, and I am really concerned about being depressed as I have suffered before. Actually, I think I'm worried about EVERYTHING but I think that must be only natural...

Maybe a weekend together spent relaxing and exploring what both your hopes & fears for the future are may put both your minds at rest.

Possibly plan to cook a nice meal, relax with a bottle of wine (for him) and non-alcoholic Shloer or something similar for you.

Hope things work out for you.

C_Mababejive

"OH says he will stick by me whatever i decide"

Sorry but that sounds like a bit of a cop out and OPs further posts indicate that she also has concerns.

It sounds like he is saying.. Oh dear,well its up to you but whatever you decide ,its your decision and largely your consequence.

A fully committed man would discuss future plans such as the whole living together,nuclear family approach to parenting.

This needs sorting now...

Anyone can get someone pregnant but that doesnt automatically make them a partner/husband/father.

Person_one

C_Mababejive wrote: »

"OH says he will stick by me whatever i decide"

Sorry but that sounds like a bit of a cop out and OPs further posts indicate that she also has concerns.

It sounds like he is saying.. Oh dear,well its up to you but whatever you decide ,its your decision and largely your consequence.

A fully committed man would discuss future plans such as the whole living together,nuclear family approach to parenting.

This needs sorting now...

Anyone can get someone pregnant but that doesnt automatically make them a partner/husband/father.

Actually, I think the OP's partner is doing pretty much all he can at the moment. Whether or not to carry on a pregnancy is entirely the woman's decision. Its helpful to know what the consequences from the male partner will be, but they don't have a 'say' in that initial decision. Once the OP knows what she wants to do, then they can start making practical decisions. The only thing he has to offer right now is support and honesty.

OP I agree with you that it would be best to live together. A relative of mine and his partner found out she was pregnant unexpectedly after only a few months together. They moved in asap and had 5 months of time just the two of them getting used to each other and having some alone time before being joined by the baby.

You will need support, and if you're going to continue the relationship and he wants to be a committed parent then there's no reason why he can't share the sleepless nights, the nappies and the responsibility.

confusedandemotional

C_Mababejive wrote: »

"OH says he will stick by me whatever i decide"

Sorry but that sounds like a bit of a cop out and OPs further posts indicate that she also has concerns.

It sounds like he is saying.. Oh dear,well its up to you but whatever you decide ,its your decision and largely your consequence.

A fully committed man would discuss future plans such as the whole living together,nuclear family approach to parenting.

This needs sorting now...

Anyone can get someone pregnant but that doesnt automatically make them a partner/husband/father.

Hit the nail on the head there. I am on a giant emotional rollercoaster and the person I need the most at this point in time does not seem to understand the enormity of what lies ahead. He has not made any effort to be with me, give me a hug, discuss options and tell me his own honest opinion.

I am literally in bits about having to make arguably the hardest decision I'll have to make in my life on my own. It could well be the sign of things to come and whatever I decide I fear I'll either be left holding the baby or have to live with the guilt of a termination alone.

Pollycat

confusedandemotional wrote: »

Hit the nail on the head there. I am on a giant emotional rollercoaster and the person I need the most at this point in time does not seem to understand the enormity of what lies ahead. He has not made any effort to be with me, give me a hug, discuss options and tell me his own honest opinion.

I am literally in bits about having to make arguably the hardest decision I'll have to make in my life on my own. It could well be the sign of things to come and whatever I decide I fear I'll either be left holding the baby or have to live with the guilt of a termination alone.

Oh, dear.

Only you can know whether this guy is standing back to allow you to make a decision because of concern for you or because he's not really ar*sed one way or the other.

I do hope it's the former, not the latter - but only a good, honest heart-to-heart with each other will sort this out.

blue-bells_2

Pollycat wrote: »

Oh, dear.

Only you can know whether this guy is standing back to allow you to make a decision because of concern for you or because he's not really ar*sed one way or the other.

I do hope it's the former, not the latter - but only a good, honest heart-to-heart with each other will sort this out.

Agreed... you really do need to talk honestly with each other, sit down and talk through how you are both feeling, and the options available to you. I really hope he gets his bum into gear and does this, and soon.

Hugs to you honey xxx

confusedandemotional

Thanks again for your advice and kind words.

Myself and OH are going to have a talk about it tomorrow, he has said that he has been thinking of all the factors in the meantime and is certainly not leaving it to me and so we'll come to a decision together.

I think maybe having a few days for him to 'sleep on it' has maybe helped him to come to terms with the news and consider the options/plans for the way forward. I never think it's good to make decisions hastily, and so for the moment I think I need to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Have a good weekend everyone x