I'm pregnant and in shock

LeeSouthEast

Things happen for a reason, I've decided.

Congratulations.

babyboom_2

confusedandemotional wrote: »

Hello all

Posting under a different name....

Yesterday I found out I'm pregnant. :eek:
It wasn't planned, in fact it was a total shock. I had been suffering some symptoms for about a week which I put down to my stressful job (tears, stomach cramps, unexplained tiredness)

Myself and OH do not live together, we've been together almost a year and have a good relationship. I'm in my early 30s.

I don't know what to do. OH says he'll stick with me whatever I decide but I worry about money, how I'd cope, I don't want to be left alone, I don't even know if I'd be a good mum. I've never wanted a family but I'm strangely enough I'm not as devastated as I thought I'd be.

Any advice (not judgment) would be really helpful. Thanks x

Don't push yourself too hard. You're pregnant and it is not good for you to be anxious too much. You must start on taking care of yourself as you carry your baby. I think you will be a good mom. It's like an instinct, you're the mother, so you will know how to take care of your child. Financially wise, it will be hard from the start, because it is your adjustment stage, it's just normal. Just take one step at a time and exert a lot of patient, soon enough you'll learn everything. And besides, your OH said that he will stick with you whatever your decision is. For now, trust him, trust God, and trust yourself that you can.

**confuzzled**

forgot to say earlier, it might be an idea to start taking folic acid/pregnacare vitamins to keep you both healthy until you've come to a decision x

Person_one

Bufger wrote: »

this exact thing happened to me and my OH only 3 weeks ago! The way we came to the decision (and this may seem harsh to some but it was a practical way for us is..)

Can you justify a termination on the grounds of:

Stability of the relationship, is it healthy and does it look good for the future for a child to be bought in to.

Money, can you afford to have a child and give it a good upbringing. The main factor is will all 3 of you be able to live on 1 wage + maternity pay.

Mental Health, will having this baby be a cause for concern in your mental health. Will you be likely to have a breakdown or do you have a history of folding under pressure etc which would affect the baby? is your other half supportive and will he pull his weight too?

You may also want to start to think about moving in together,. Do either of you own your own house or are you both renting? do you think you can live with each other? what is the possibility financially?

Only you can decide but this is the process we used (although it really is a harsh way to look at it). We're both happy that we've decided to become parents and are now really very excited about the prospect!

Just for the record, a termination doesn't have to be 'justified', simply not wanting a baby is a good enough reason.

OP, its bound to be a confusing time, but whatever you decide I'm sure you will make the right decision for you and if you do choose to be a parent I'm sure you will be a great one. As others have said, the fact that you are worried you won't be is a good sign!

Coveredinbees!!!!

We never wanted kids either but my wife fell pregnant due to a contraception failure. Our situation is different to yours as we had been married for 6 years when it happened but it was still a shock. All I can really say is you feel a lot different when they get here, I still hate children, just not my own

Pollycat

confusedandemotional wrote: »

Hello all

Posting under a different name....

Yesterday I found out I'm pregnant. :eek:
It wasn't planned, in fact it was a total shock. I had been suffering some symptoms for about a week which I put down to my stressful job (tears, stomach cramps, unexplained tiredness)

Myself and OH do not live together, we've been together almost a year and have a good relationship. I'm in my early 30s.

I don't know what to do. OH says he'll stick with me whatever I decide but I worry about money, how I'd cope, I don't want to be left alone, I don't even know if I'd be a good mum. I've never wanted a family but I'm strangely enough I'm not as devastated as I thought I'd be.

Any advice (not judgment) would be really helpful. Thanks x

Congratulations, it sounds like good news for you, despite the shock.

The only thing I picked up on was the bit in bold.
What does your OH REALLY want?
Has he always wanted kids but at some undefined time in the future?
Or is he ambivalent about kids?
Have you spoken about your future together? Both before and after you found out about the pregnancy?
Assuming you want to go ahead with the pregnancy (and it sounds like you do), will you move in together? Share finances etc?

Regardless of what you decide, best wishes for the future.

gratefulforhelp_2

Congratulations, OP. It will be much better than you imagined, and hard work of course. Take care.

pickle

It's the hardest job there is but I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm afraid it's rarely "the right time" to have them and you're never really "ready". I was petrified at the idea of being a parent and when my first was born I just looked at her like she'd arrived from another planet, it felt so weird. If you plan to have kids may it is the right time as you're in your 30s. Fertility declines rapidly in your later thirties, I was fortunate but it took a while to get pregnant and I had miscarriages which is also a higher risk factor as you get older. Who is available to provide childcare? That is really the number one issue if you want to continue working. Can you get vouchers via work? No one can really advise you as it's such a personal decision and there's no right answer unfortunately, having a child is a bit of a leap I'm afraid.

confusedandemotional

Thanks so much for all your posts, I'm really moved. (Hormones kicking in lol)

I'm a practical kind of gal, I already thought of the childcare issue and I really need to know what OH really thinks! x

MYLITTLESISTERLOLA

I found myself in the same situation 6 years ago, we both lived with parents, had been going out for a few years and got caught totally by surprise. We now have a lovely boy, a house together, we got married 2 years ago and are expecting our 2nd.

It wasn't easy but much easier than the scaremongers would have you believe. We are both on very average incomes £15k each we manage 2/3 holidays a year and we run two cars, we own our own home ( mortgaged ) and have enough luxuries to make life comfortable.

Dont put money as your first priority, you will always manage look at entitledto.co.uk for an estimate on how much in benefits you would be entitled to, do you have family support, would you consider moving in together, do you have existing debts, are you working ( I haven;t read all the replies so maybe these questions have already been answered ) did children fit in to your plans at some stage ( the way I look at it is you don't chose it, it choses you, if you waited until everything was right there would never be a good time

Good luck with your choice