I'm pregnant and in shock

confusedandemotional

Hello all

Posting under a different name....

Yesterday I found out I'm pregnant. :eek:
It wasn't planned, in fact it was a total shock. I had been suffering some symptoms for about a week which I put down to my stressful job (tears, stomach cramps, unexplained tiredness)

Myself and OH do not live together, we've been together almost a year and have a good relationship. I'm in my early 30s.

I don't know what to do. OH says he'll stick with me whatever I decide but I worry about money, how I'd cope, I don't want to be left alone, I don't even know if I'd be a good mum. I've never wanted a family but I'm strangely enough I'm not as devastated as I thought I'd be.

Any advice (not judgment) would be really helpful. Thanks x

bonar

congratulations. As for how your feeling, been there done that and worn the t-shirt 3 times. If you and you OH decide to carry on with the pregnancy (only you too can decide)im sure you'll be a great mum. You have just discovered your pregnant so of course you will be unsure of so many things. I would be worried if you werent. good luck, a night for a nice meal, and a long talk. then get out get some baby books and ENJOY.

**confuzzled**

Well...congratulations I really don't have any advice tbh would it help to think of all the pro's & cons of having the baby(I'm sure fellow MSErs can help on both counts;)) to help you decide what to do??

Money worries are natural when you find out you're expecting:) I'm currently pregnant and although it was planned, we still panicked:o..its normal as its such a huge change of lifestyle! And as everyone keeps telling me, 'you'll manage coz you have to'.:D

Are you at a time in your life where a baby wouldn't actually be disastrous? is your relationship going the way you want it to? what I mean is are you both in it for the long haul? Think about the future, if you're in your early 30s now would you want kids in the future? I hate to say it but some people at your age and older can struggle to conceive so maybe its a sort of blessing in disguise?!?!? I'm trying to play devils advocate here so please don't get offended:o:o

HTH and good luck x

red_devil

genuine question what do you mean in shock? did your normal contraception fail?

hayleyc_2

The only thing I would say is not to worry too much about money and things like that. Practicalities can be worked out once you've actually decided how you feel about the pregnancy. In my opninion things have a way of working out if you want them enough, if that makes sense. I have a 2yr old and am currently pregnant with my 2nd baby. Both were planned, but even so you still go through the initial shock and worry about how you'll cope. It's totally normal, so just give yourself time and space to think about things and talk it through.

Good Luck x

confusedandemotional

Thanks for your replies, I guess I need to think about it, it's all new to me.

bonar - just about to go out, think I'll look at baby books.

red devil - yes it did These things happen I guess.

confuzzled - it wouldn't be a disaster, I don't mind the change of lifestyle apart from sleep!! The relationship is good and we're both happy, I'm concerned about the strain it can put on the best of relationships. And no I'm not offended at all with reference to my age... I think I would've been happy if I never had children at all, never had any kind of maternal feelings (ever I think!)

hayleyc - You're right, where there's a will there's a way.

debtfreenewbie

Congratulations? Maybe it was to be?Dont worry about the what ifs? It is all scary no matter what age you are.
Maybe your relationship is to be the future.
Dont make any rash decisions,if you need to chat to others try netmums.You wont be alone...

caitybabes

Go with your heart on this one as which ever decision you make, you and OH will have to live by it. Only you two can know what's right so just be totally honest with each other and with yourselves. Good luck and congratulations. x

wes_cov

Congratulation, Hope everything turns out well. It does put a strain on every relationship but through that strain also makes it stronger.

as for the "will i be a good mum" the fact you ask yourself that question already gives me a pretty good clue

good luck and enjoy the Rollercoaster

blue-bells_2

Congratulations!

It's understandable that this has come as a shock and that you're concerned about how you would cope. Is there a good maternity package at work? To help put your mind at rest abit, could be best to look into the money side of things. I've seen people mention previously about using entitledto.com (or something like that?!) and putting in a future date after your baby would be born, to get an idea of what benefits you may be entitled to (tax credits etc.) It's only an estimate but could give you an idea?

All the best xx

Bufger

this exact thing happened to me and my OH only 3 weeks ago! The way we came to the decision (and this may seem harsh to some but it was a practical way for us is..)

Can you justify a termination on the grounds of:

Stability of the relationship, is it healthy and does it look good for the future for a child to be bought in to.

Money, can you afford to have a child and give it a good upbringing. The main factor is will all 3 of you be able to live on 1 wage + maternity pay.

Mental Health, will having this baby be a cause for concern in your mental health. Will you be likely to have a breakdown or do you have a history of folding under pressure etc which would affect the baby? is your other half supportive and will he pull his weight too?

You may also want to start to think about moving in together,. Do either of you own your own house or are you both renting? do you think you can live with each other? what is the possibility financially?

Only you can decide but this is the process we used (although it really is a harsh way to look at it). We're both happy that we've decided to become parents and are now really very excited about the prospect!