Wake Up Shake Up

HamsterWheel_3

Herewego wrote: »

Just popped by for a g & t :beer: or a beer.
Hope you have had a good day, remember you daughter is only young once and that job will be there always so your time will come.
Any other news on the job hunting ?
Well done on the shopping i think you did fantastic, i bought DH a pair if jeans and a t shirt last week and it cost me £125

Yeah i did have a good day honey, i didnt go silly its bf's bday tuesday and i wanted to spoil him a little as he is still doing so well. dd loved her treats too so that was nice to see her smile when i tell her to " revise" lol

Nothing on the job front sadly there really isnt much about that i can go for its either wanting qualifications or wrong hours but im sure something will come up,... ouch @ your shopping i thought i had spent a lot but for now its on a budget eventho with pennies in the bank im being wise :T


Urm but.............. to add to todays spending i have just been on ebay and......

Won 2 Paul Weller tickets for 24th may at the royal albert hall :j:j:j:j:j

he is mine and bf fave artist and we wanted to go but with holiday and me out of work and them originally being £150 each it was out of the question but i just got 2 for £40 quid!! All i got to do now is arrange for my folks to be here so we can go and they can watch dd and tell bf that on that monday he has to work half a day so we can get to london...... god im happy.. just hope he is when he wakes up :rotfl:

Herewego

Well done on the tickets i love getting a bargain, I applied for some free x faxtor tickets ages ago and had am email last night asking if i still wanted them so have applied just have to wait and see now. Im all for a free day out.

OrangeFairy

Well done on the tickets to both of you!

I had a friend request on facebook to be friends with the local soft indoor play area. I gingerly accepted and then they emailed me offering me free family entry for one day as my birthday was coming up!!! Result! My kids love going there and it costs about £10 a time!

Woohoo for free/cheap entertainment! :j:j:j:j:j

HamsterWheel_3

:(

Hi all, (and to me for backtracking reading,

Everything is falling apart i haven't mentioned it before as i hoped it was going to go away but seems its not and i need to talk, rather than talk talk i thought i would come here and knowing me, write a ruddy essay;)

BF is drinking again,

As you may or may not have read he was an alcoholic before i met him, approx for about 15-20 yrs on and off, anyway at xmas u will know he went on tablets they are anitbuse basically if you drink you are sick, he had had a seizure on me, drink and drove and the drinking was day and night but i stuck by him and he made me proud as he stopped, he managed about 15 weeks with the tablets then came off them as basically they affect your libido and it was frustrating him, he then did about 5 weeks drink-free without tablets and things were perfect, in the 7 months we been together we never once fell out, or upset me frightened me or had any faults with each other, its been heaven. Then we had a family bbq about 3 weeks ago and he asked if he could have a drink, i can't stop him so he did, he had a few cans got tiddly but the next morning he woke up and didnt drink.. great i thought what a fantasic move he has made, before he would have been reaching for it the minute he wokr up, i was proud of him and me.
He didnt drink all week then at the following wknd just had a few cans not bad i thought.
Then we had the wedding last wknd, he started drinking at 12 and finished at 12, he was blotto, my family didnt really notice but i had to put him to bed, when we came home the next day while i cooked dinner he went to the shop, bought some more to make him feel ok, see he suffers badly like im sure most people but can have fits/seizures etc if he dont come down slowly, anyway that was sunday, he drank monday night all the way to thursday night, on thursday he slept on the sofa from 7pm till 1am but was drink free so i thought he was ok, not suffering too much and we back on track.
Today i come in from shopping he pops in after work i felt so tired i laid on sofa, by time i woke up he had been to the shop and necked 5 cans of strong cider, couldnt understand why i was so mad with him, my wknd is ruined and by 9pm he is in bed drunk.
I know he loves me and i know he cares trust me i know that sounds naive but i know he does, but alcohol just gets the better of him clearly and thats all that matters, I have turned round to him and told him how i feel that we have no intimacy no touchy feely no nothing and he just says " o you want me to go then" no i dont want you to go BF i just want this sorted i need to feel as if i matter i dont deserve it etc etc.

I know its harder for me as im a non drinker, never was much of one but not touched anything in 2 years, i also have a mother who has had a drink problem over the years and the rest of my family drink, it would annoy me that they would crush my ma about her drinking when they would be blatant hypocrites and drink themselves:mad: i stood by her and she is better now. but i just dont know what to do, i asked him to go back on the tablets as we was so happy then but he doesnt want to. Ive asked him to maybe just have a social drink at wknd like 1 or 2 of an evening but he can drink 5 cans in an hour,, its not a social drink its a " drink to get drunk" drink.
We have our holiday coming up in about 2 weeks, its all inclusive im so scared bad things will happen, i have said i wont go if its still like this i cant run the risk of it all being ruined and my dd to be put in a situation she shouldnt be

About 9pm he listened to what i had to say then went and got into my bed, he will be there till the morning now, another night of me sat on my own, feeling lonely and so confused, im too soft a lot of the time i know thats my problem which is why ive had w@@@@rs in my life for so many years, i give give give and get nothing back,
When he is sober which dont get me wrong until this week has been approx 5 months of our relationship its just so perfect and i mean perfect he is not a big talker so its hard for him to open up to me a lot of the time he says he is sorry and will sort things but then like this week its just been pure hell.

i feel so empty i should be happy the holiday coming up, money in the bank, dd doing well and happy and yet i feel so alone xx

OrangeFairy

BIG BIG BIG HUGS Hamster!! :(:(:(:(:(:(

Sorry to hear you are having such a tough time. I don't really have too much advise regarding the drinking as i have never been around anyone with a drinking problem. Though i would say i am sure really that an alcoholic can never realistically become a social drinker again. I think the only way for alcoholics to go is to become tea total. Especially wih you being so supportive of him and being a non drinker yourself he shouldnt find this too hard.

I really feel for you and hope you get this sorted. I think just a mature talk with eachother will help a lot. Could you go out somewhere just the two of you and have a heart to heart. I know it is hard when you have a partner who isn't a talker and doesnt open up. My OH is very like that but luckily it hasn't hurt our relationship at all. I do sometimes think it would be nicer if he told me things he was worried about etc but he just isnt that kind of person!

I think if a person has an unhealthy relationship with alcohol then they need to just stay away from it. I think he needs to do this if you and he have a chance of a successful relationship!!

Good luck. You can always come on here and vent and people will be here to listen.

Big hugs again hun xx

OrangeFairy

Just to add a big well done to you for being so supportive of him up until now...he should be very greatful for that and i hope you get back the perfect relationship you deserve

Herewego

I agree with Littlekel, its important he stops its just like smoking its either all or nothing.
We will be here for you whatever but you must put yourself and dd first. Does BF not work?
You must sit down and talk this over sooner rather than later just tell him it as you have to us, its him who has to make the choices.

HamsterWheel_3

Morning all,

First off,, THANK YOU ladies, you truly did help me feel not totally alone over the weekend.

I wont say quick run down as its never quick with me but im ok, He went to bed friday night i sat and wrote him a long email hoping that reading something may click in. Anyway i got up sat morning got my jobs done he got up asked me to hold him was very sorry chatted a bit read the email kept saying sorry etc etc.

Sat we visited his family which was nice, then went to take DD to a party which she informed us was 6.30-8.30 and when i got there i said " see u in a bit" and the mum said " oh isnt she staying??":mad: The girls had forgotten this bit, anyway she was offered some jim jams and stayed out the night which gave me and BF some time together, we went for a meal and he had one drink which i frowned at but then we came home, We watched some tele and cuddled up on the sofa which was first time in a while so that was nice..

Anyway sunday i did my vw in the morning dd and bf watched the f1 then we went shopping for some meat and some garden bits as sun was shining and i was in the mood to get some stuff done. Dinner @ 6 and an evening chatting and sorting holiday stuff out so im ok, im not saying its perfect it never will be but things are ok on the drinking front

Anyway ive spent soddin loads lately but not on pish i may add...
Last night i had to book hotel for the Paul weller concert which ended up getting a bargain, staying in london in a comfort inn, £59 for the two of us including breakfast and free parking!:T It will take us 30 mins to tube in for the concert but thought that was ok

Then i had to sort holiday insurance out, after hours of searching i got us all insured for .... wait for it.... £9.00 :T i thought it was a bit too cheap but read and read thru the policy and its the same they just had a sale on etc.

The one thing thats left to sort is the airport parking which we thinking of going the day before and staying in a hotel, just a bit worried as its 2 weeks away tomorrow we go and all these airport delays could affect us as we going from Gatwick.

Went to a charity shop and spent £7 on 9 books for holiday so i was pleased i had bought them at the cancer research shop done my bit for charity and got some bargains!

Have had a random £81 go in my bank account. god knows where this has come from only showing as a " bank credit" right now so have to wait till later, its not my ctc as thats gone in too.
Its bf birthday tomorrow i have spoilt him. i want him to feel loved which i know he does really but thats me i would rather give than receive.

Edit, just added up my pads since 14th April and its £280.86 These are all extra payments on top of my minimum monthly payments so im chuffed with that

My vw is sparce this week so im hoping to get out on the garden what with this talk of warm weather, we did laugh last night tho, got excited at it maybe reaching 24 this week and in egypt its nearly 40!!! lol

Anyway thanks again girls you really are troopers xxx

Herewego

Hi HW, glad you sorted things with BF, hows the packing going ?
Have you spoken to BF about drinking on holiday it's best to lay down the rules before you get there.Wish i was going
Well done on your pads they really add up and make such a difference

Choc-addict

Hey,

Sorry to read about you probs with BF drinking, but glad that things are on the mend. I think perhapsthe best solution all round is really to have a 'no drink' rule -basically prob best he doesn't touch it at all. I agree with HWG - prob best to set some rules before hols that way he may not touch it or think one or two might not be so bad. I have a friend who is a recovering alchoholic and she's still going to therapy and session now to ensure she 'never' touches it again and makes sure she doesn't put herself in situs that'll encourage or entice her to drink. It's a hard thing to kick, as you know with your mum.

Hope BF had a lovely birthday and enjoyed his presents - he's a lucky guy

Any more news on jobs front? Frustrating to try and find things that fit round hours able to work etc. Fingers crossed you get something soon!

xx