Is there a limit to what you can take?

NorthernLas

On line version see

http://www_dot_scribd_dot_com/doc/7575389/Paulo-Coelho-The-Alchemist

replace _dot_ with .

DVardysShadow

NorthernLas wrote: »

On line version see

http://www_dot_scribd_dot_com/doc/7575389/Paulo-Coelho-The-Alchemist

replace _dot_ with .

Just done a quick check. It is the book - but it is either the early edition or it is abridged.

Fire_Fox

LeeSouthEast wrote: »

Is there a point that every human brain 'snaps' when it has been over-emotioned?

I'm 26, and I am in a job that has had me see and deal with some considerably gruesome, distressing and awfully emotional things since I was 18, and continue to do so on a daily basis. When I was 22 I got married to someone I loved, and then she turned and I suffered a financially and emotionally abusive relationship until we finally split when I was 25. The divorce is still an emotional turmoil struggle but I hope it is coming to a close soon.

I'm in a new relationship, but can't help but feel terribly insecure over it. Being 60 miles apart doesn't help in the slightest. I eat myself away inside every single day that we are apart. When I don't get a reply to a text message I instantly assume the worst (for her, or for our relationship).

I feel I can't carry on like this. Is there a limit to what the mind can take and deal with? There's no one I can discuss this with so I turn to the relative comfort of my MSE friends.

I'm near tears as I type this and I think I need help.

Very sorry to read that Lee, I often appreciate reading your helpful and supportive posts. It sounds very much to me like you are struggling with your mental health: stress/ anxiety/ depression/ post traumatic disorder I don't know. What I do know is that almost all mental health issues - from minor to very severe - respond well to a combination of 'natural' therapies, perhaps counselling or cognitive behavioural therapy, healthy eating, but most of all EXERCISE. :j

I know it might sound implausible but I have read the research studies, I have experienced it myself and seen the positive effect on many of my (fitness) clients. I was unable to work for two years due to mental health issues, following a series of harrowing situations in my personal life (and fuelled by some major 'self mediating'). The first six months I trained half-heartedly and infrequently, until one day after I'd stayed in bed for two days straight. I travelled to an aerobics class on a bus desperately trying (failing) not to cry in public, yet ONE hour later I felt almost human and it was an epiphany.

If all the techniques you have been given on this thread are not enough then get prescribed some medication, there is no reason to continue to experience destructive and (I suspect) cyclical thought processes. The human brain is ruled by an incredibly complex set of chemicals and hormones, interacting in ways we do not yet understand with our life experiences. Given the complexity it is not surprising that sometimes the system goes haywire.

ailuro2

I'm a great believer in 'You need to learn to love yourself before you can love someone else'. It doesn't sound like you can really be doing that at the moment. Ask to talk to someone at work who can go through past events with you, they will have people who are not in the force who will let you talk through all your thoughts and can help you to deal with them. It's something you need to do now, not later, it will only mount up. I'm sure everyone who has a heart and does your job will be adversely affected by the things they see on a daily basis, most of them won't talk about it because they don't want to be seen as 'weak' or even 'girly' which of course is ridiculous. Even the biggest,toughest soldiers get PTSD.

Go get some help, never mind what it does to your promotion chances, you'll be going nowhere fast if you continue the way you're going now...and lay off the constant working too, being tired all the time can contribute to feeling down. Use your days off to go exercise, to do something you enjoy that doesn't involve staying home with your parents.

When you're feeling up for it, you can contemplate going back to where the accident happened and laying some flowers? Sometimes going back and confronting places where things happened can help to let feelings out and let them go...

gratefulforhelp_2

God Bless, Lee. Good advice here, just wanted to say you don't need to go off sick from work to get help with what sounds like post traumatic stress disorder, which must surely be common in your line of work and not a taboo subject?

Hugs and God's richest blessings on you.

patchwork_cat

Have just read your report of the 2005 accident and not read anyone else's replies, but my lay man's diagnosis for wht it is worth is post traumatic stress. Please see your GP, you are not weak for this getting to you - you are a caring individual.

I am very surprised that you have not been offered conselling following this incident, I was under the impression that the emergency services were asked if they needed help after incidents like this.

GET SOME SUPPORT, you have had an extremely traumatic time.

ailuro2

I think people's awareness of post traumatic stress disorder has come a long way in the last 5 years. Maybe OP felt fine at the time or managed to put it to the back of his mind. We might be wrong here , which is why professional assistance is needed.

For those not aware of PTSD, have a read below, remember we have to be careful here as we are not allowed to offer medical advice, but I think I might be allowed to copy and paste this, from http://www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mentalhealthinfo/problems/ptsd/posttraumaticstressdisorder.aspx

1. Flashbacks & nightmares
You find yourself re-living the event, again and again. This can happen both as a 'flashback' in the day and as nightmares when you are asleep. These can be so realistic that it feels as though you are living through the experience all over again.You see it in your mind, but may also feel the emotions and physical sensations of what happened - fear, sweating, smells, sounds, pain.
Ordinary things can trigger off flashbacks. For instance, if you had a car crash in the rain, a rainy day might start a flashback.

2. Avoidance & numbing
It can be just too upsetting to re-live your experience over and over again. So you distract yourself. You keep your mind busy by losing yourself in a hobby, working very hard, or spending your time absorbed in crosswords or jigsaw puzzles. You avoid places and people that remind you of the trauma, and try not to talk about it.
You may deal with the pain of your feelings by trying to feel nothing at all – by becoming emotionally numb. You communicate less with other people who then find it hard to live or work with you.

3.Being 'on guard'
You find that you stay alert all the time, as if you are looking out for danger. You can’t relax. This is called 'hypervigilance'. You feel anxious and find it hard to sleep. Other people will notice that you are jumpy and irritable.

Other symptoms
Emotional reactions to stress are often accompanied by:
muscle aches and pains
diarrhoea
irregular heartbeats
headaches
feelings of panic and fear
depression
drinking too much alcohol
using drugs (including painkillers).

NEH

LeeSouthEast wrote: »

I had been married the same year, and was already starting to suffer the abuse. I'm not sure why I'm remembering the incident now though, unless it's just the way my brain works. Think of one destructive force (my relationship insecurity) and just throw more at me to try and get me to crack. I don't know. I wish I did.



You could be on to something with that angle. I just had another little cry as I read that paragraph again. And yes, the feeling does resonate in my current relationship in as much as I'm feeling I'm on the same powerless slide to "make it work" (when in fact the only issue with it may just be in my head to begin with). When I last saw her we had a fantastic 4-day weekend together. It's the lack of contact that lets my brain wander over a million possibilities or outcomes. The only solution to that is going to be to get over my insecurity (I don't know how) or move in together (I'm trying.. god knows I'm working as hard as I can to get the money saved to make it happen).



I know your words make sense. But I've never felt anything like I do for this girl. Even the woman I married didn't make me feel like she does. If ever I could turn around and say she is "the one", she would be it. When you fear (however irrationally) that it might not be working, how do you just accept that? What's worse is it's in my damn head. If she turned round and said "it's over" it gives me a definitive to work with and get over. But when it's just your own head trying to turn you against yourself, what hope have you got???

And I thought some of the people I dealt with were screwed up. Jesus.

I have been through a lot in my life and I used to to wonder about "normal" people and their lives and why everything bad happened to me and then my mother turned round to me and said what's "normal" and it's so true there is very little normality in life...

I think one of the things that has come across is I mentioned grief earlier but as a I said to a friend who has just lost a relative and feels nothing I said Greif can come out anytime, be it one day, one month, one year or 10 years or more or later...Sometimes we just throw oursleves into things and then one day something will give way and the grief will come through adn it's not something you can stop or control. We all want control in our lives but sometimes when so much has happened we have to learn not necessarily to let go of everything but to let go of the control.

I think most people when a relationship ends badly swears they don't want to get involved again or trust people again but the thing is you must, you musnt let one person destroy you or have a hold over you by ruining your chances of happiness and that's why we trust again, we risk being hurt again so that we can move on...

DVardysShadow is right the last few years in a way has been about helplessness and not having any control over you're relationship or the accident. So take some time on your own for a few days it will also help you to understand you again and wierdly enough someitmes being on gives you confidence because you realie how mcuh you can manage on your own. I imagine being with your parents again it's easy to forget this. I had to move back to my mum's after i was ill and a relationship ended and it was little things i did on my own like go away for a weekend to meet with friends or spending a day out on my own gave me a lot of confidence.

RAS

Lee

Just read this quickly and I think you are experiencing PTSD. It can affect someone immediately after an incident or it can take decades to surface. I tends to happen when we are not able to repond appropriately to a situation (like having to deal with it when really we want to run away or to do something we are not allowed to do).

The good thing is that it responds well to a number of "therapies". You could ring that number at work or you could find someone very skilled in something like Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP). NLP is sometimes sold as a miracle cure; on the basis of my personal experience what it does is take away the recurring recycling of the memory and allow us to process it properly.

The good thing is that the actual process is quite quick and you should be able to find a good practitioner outside the force if you want to.

Take care and hugs.

squibbs25

With regards to the accident you mentioned in 2005, do you feel in some way responsible for the outcome?
(do you also feel responsible for the demise of your marriage? Were you the one to call it a day?)
You can't blame yourself for the actions of others, nor can you be responsible for what others do.
Things happen everyday, some good, some bad, it's how we 'deal' with them that make us human, and not everyone 'deals' with things the same way, if we did then we would be like robots!
I think sometimes we can all be guilty of over analysing things. I wonder if turning the thoughts from negative to positive will help.
If a friend came to you and told you everything you've said here, what would your advice to that person be?

Not sure i've added anything constructive, but dont be too hard on yourself.
Wishing you all the best.