Is there a limit to what you can take?

LeeSouthEast

Is there a point that every human brain 'snaps' when it has been over-emotioned?

I'm 26, and I am in a job that has had me see and deal with some considerably gruesome, distressing and awfully emotional things since I was 18, and continue to do so on a daily basis. When I was 22 I got married to someone I loved, and then she turned and I suffered a financially and emotionally abusive relationship until we finally split when I was 25. The divorce is still an emotional turmoil struggle but I hope it is coming to a close soon.

I'm in a new relationship, but can't help but feel terribly insecure over it. Being 60 miles apart doesn't help in the slightest. I eat myself away inside every single day that we are apart. When I don't get a reply to a text message I instantly assume the worst (for her, or for our relationship).

I feel I can't carry on like this. Is there a limit to what the mind can take and deal with? There's no one I can discuss this with so I turn to the relative comfort of my MSE friends.

I'm near tears as I type this and I think I need help.

PinkLipgloss

Lee,

Of course there are limits - everyone has them. You sound very unhappy - remember that everyone goes through tough stages in their lives and it won't always be this way.

Going through a difficult divorce will naturally have caused a lot of emotional upset. However, it sounds like that will be over with soon and I'm sure you will feel a lot better once it's over.

You mentioned your job - do you enjoy it? Perhaps its seems more of strain than it is because of the divorce? Maybe you've always felt that it's not for you. Life is too short - if you don't enjoy it then take steps to find something new - update your CV and start looking for other positions.

With regards to your partner - you need to switch your emphasis from her to yourself. If you are not happy with yourself you will not be happy in any relationship. Stressing at the lack of a quick text message response signals that you feel totally insecure. You need to examine that and identify your self worth. You sound like a really nice guy - you need to realise that!

Best wishes,

Lipgloss

tankgirl1

Didn't want to read and run!
I have no advice sorry - I tend to think the worst when I get no reply to a phone call too - if nursery doesnt answer !!!!!! is going on? if my elderly parents dont answer i go round to check on them etc! A born pessamist unfortunatley
I hope someone comes along with some constructive advice!

patchwork_cat

Is there any reason that this relationship makes you feel insecure? I am an insecure person and have given up on friends that are 'bad' for me.

Do you think that you are ready for a relationship, or would it be better to get yourself in a better place mentally and heal yourself before starting dating again. Is this just an insecure moment that after a meal and a sleep you will feel better? If teh answer is no then I think you need to ask yourself do I need to see the doctor and get some counselling or CBT.

verysillyguy06

This all sounds very distressing and disheartening


Yes, there is a time when the 'brain' may just shut down and you may even start to do really stupid things....you need to stop and have aat first a good cry.....:o


It does help and will get rid of the tension.

You need to look at ways reducing all the stresses you have or you may end up in a breakdown, emotionally or physically.

Can you look at another job? Take a week off hols to clear your head?

Many people will feel in their lives in a similar situation.....positive vibes to you


:j:o :j:o:)

Nice_Username

Peace and love, Lee. I've been there mate.

Have you tried meditation, yoga, relaxation CDs?

Lara44

Hi Lee

Firstly, a big hug! Secondly, it seems to me from your post that you are being very hard on yourself. Dealing with the fallout from the ending of this hugely important relationship is going to take time. It's perfectly normal for you still to be feeling upset and insecure. Give yourself time to adjust to the things that have been happening - a year is not so long since your divorce and it does take time to work through all these big feelings.

It's very natural to reflect on something when it has ended, especially when it didn't turn out to be how you had hoped. Questioning yourself is natural - but it's important you try to keep a sensible hold on these kinds of feelings. It's important to try to move on at the same time as you negotiate your break from your previous relationship. Sometimes when we go through something difficult, the turmoil leads in the end to more definite values, new ways forward, new resolutions to change, and a better future.

Do you have access to counselling through your job? It would be a wonderful thing to go and explore these feelings in such a positive framework with someone to guide you. It's just an open space in which to reflect on what's been happening and to start to decide how you want to go forward. I think it would be very valuable. Don't worry too much about this new relationship, just see how things develop and let them move forward really slowly. Strong relationships can handle a slower pace, or some ups and downs. If the person is right for you they will help you through.

NEH

There is a limit...

I think you have to break things down one little bit at a time...

It sounds to me as though you have some unresolved issues with regards to your previous marriage and you need to tackle these. Getting divorced is also like going through the grief process as you have lost something. Even when someone is bad to you you still miss the idea of it. it's so hard to switch off when things have gone so horribly wrong.

So to me you need to takcle each issue and perhaps get some help to deal with these issues. It may be once you resolve osme isuses with what has happened in the past things may get a little clearer and then you can tackle the situation with you job. Perhaps it is time to start afresh and doing something that is less traumitising for you....

http://www.bacp.co.uk/

This is the association of counselling, you should be able to find a therapist on there who can talk about everything you might want to say out loud but haven't been able to, sometimes that is the biggest relief of all...and sometimes having a complete stranger listen to you and talk to you can give you a whole new perspective on things.

Best of luck, life is poo sometimes and sometimes you'll think things will never ease never mind get better but hang on in there don't give up hope....

One little step at a time just remember that and be honest with the person you are now with. You don't have to go into details just say you are having a real tough time right now, just letting them know helps....

Morganarla

No advice, I'd be the worst person to take it from, just a big hug (((LeeSouthEast)))

LeeSouthEast

Hi guys and gals, and thanks so much for your responses. I'll try and address the points you've all brought up. I apologise if I miss any.

First of all, do I enjoy my job? For the most part yes I do. I love helping people, and I do this every single day to the best of my ability. Sure there are politics, but what job doesn't have those? Oh and let's not forget the paperwork. Of late though, one particularly horrible incident I was involved in back in 2005 has been randomly haunting me. I spontaneously burst into tears just thinking back to it and writing about it. All that said though, it's all I've really known, and it's about as secure in the current climate as you can get, and well paid. I'm not keen to leave.

My divorce. Yes I do hope it to be finally over soon, and that, I hope, will bring some sense of freedom. It has been a cloud hanging over me since December 2008 and it hasn't been a quick or easy road to travel. I won't try and kid myself that it has no bearing on how I feel though. I'm sure it isn't helping, and neither is the anticipation of the final bill.

My insecurity. Yes, I realise I am insecure. I worry that this will be the end of a beautiful thing I have with the new love of my life, although I don't think she realises quite how much not being with her or not hearing from her for a few days kills me inside. I don't mention it because I know it wouldn't be healthy for us, or any relationship for that matter. I know she loves me and I love her, but I cannot shake the insecurity because of my previous serious relationship experience. I hate the way I feel for that, which turns into hating myself and it seems I am only ever truly happy inside when I am with her. The moment I leave, I find myself coming back down again. It isn't the relationship that makes me feel insecure, it's me. It's the whole possibility of "getting close and getting hurt again".

Doctor I have considered. I'm not sure I want to admit to myself things really are that bad inside my head, although I know you're probably right. Being off with stress/depression in my job is akin to promotion suicide, and having it on my medical records would also do the same thing. I really don't want to go this route if I can help it.

I need a good cry, if only for myself and for no real reason, but living back home with my parents while I sort my life out following my split with my ex (at least I've paid off my debt mountain that she left me with) makes even that simple task difficult. It'd generate difficult questions that I really just don't feel up to discussing with people I 'know' and live with for now.

I'm trapped, physically and emotionally and I'm not sure I can take it much longer. I know I'm my own worst enemy in all this.

Bennifred

It may be that just going to the doctor and getting some of this off your chest could help.
Many people have the kind of fears with regard to career/depression as you have. A short course of antidepressants, if needed, could help and you don't necessarily need to take time off work, or tell them about it.