Stepdad turning nasty after Mum's death.

Oldernotwiser

kindofagilr wrote: »

But didnt he always do that? surely when he got older he didnt just start doing the things you listed?

I amjust curious, as I can imagine not sleeping in the same bed as OH (but like you say innocence of the young lol)

(IM not getting at you btw I am really curious about couples who are happy but dont share beds)

We share a kingsize bed but often book twin beds if going away for a treat. I think as you get older you just like your comfort more, particularly when it comes to seating, shoes and beds!

cheepskate_2

Quinny wrote: »

Now he has 2 children from a brief first marriage, and Mum and the daughter never got on, and all of a sudden, yes you’ve guessed it, she has now started to make contact. [FONT=&quot].[/FONT]

Maybe this is why the daughter did not have contact,

There is no money due to you, if your step father so wishes to give you anything then that is his choice. The way you are going about it , you are heading for nothing but problems.

jamesd

After being married for 40 years, he has worse problems than you do and it's best to allow him more than ample time for grief, meaning six months plus, before even starting to think about how things might be distributed. You're moving way too fast here.

However, even with ample time, there's no obligation to him to share any of his inheritance with you, and it is his given the lack of a will.

Steel_2

Quinny wrote: »

I have read on some sites that as he is the surviving spouse he can do what he wants, yet on others, sister and I are entitled to her possessions and a claim on her estate up to £125k even though he survives her

As of April 2009 it is now £250,000 if you die intestate. If your mother's share of their martial estate is above this, you stepfather gets the first £250K plus a life interest in the remainder. Children of the marriage i.e. your sister get an equal share in the rest. As a step daughter you are not entitled to claim anything. Only children of the marriage, illegitimate and adopted children are allowed, regardless of your mum's wishes.

Quinny wrote: »

Now I know that because of the inheritance cash, he is over the threshold for council tax benefit, but has just renewed his claim and got it, he also claims other benefits that in my opinion he’s claiming fraudulently, so do I bubble him to get my own back, or do I sit pretty and just give him enough rope to hang himself with over a period of time, and use that as justice for Mum’s memory?

No he's not. The threshold is £16k according to DirectGov

"If you have savings of over £16,000 you can't normally get Council Tax Benefit, unless you're aged 60 or over and getting the 'guarantee credit' of Pension Credit."

Quinny wrote: »

He even won’t let us sort through her possessions, but has said we can have her clothes and shoes only. There are things that he is never going to use like a brand new food mixer, yoghurt maker, bread maker etc etc, but he wants to keep them. At 75 is he likely to use them? I think not.

Your father has just lost his partner of 40 years. Suddenly children are lining up, wanting to paw through their marital possessions. I'm not surprised he's turned nasty. Trying to cope with grief and people hanging around trying to get hold of items out of his house would be enough to make anyone angry.

Whether or not your father was abusive, whether or not the marriage was over, your mother didn't take appropriate action to separate herself from him so any money or possessions in the marriage is now your stepfather's regardless of what your mother wanted. It's marital money, not family money, and children have no rights to that.

You are not entitled to a thing out of their house or their marriage so have some respect for what he's feeling. You would want someone to respect your grief for your mother so why are you not respecting his?

Edited to add: Thanks to this thread, I will be adding a letter to my Will explaining that unless I have specifically mentioned them in my Will, all my possessions - my jewellrey, books and other domestic items - belong to my husband on my death and that he is not to be troubled by family members looking for 'keepsakes'. I have already rung my executors to brief them on this and given them my blessing to to slap down anyone in the family who tries to strongarm hubby into giving up my possessions while he's grieving.

seven-day-weekend

Excellent Post Steel and I particularly like the last bit about the letter to go with your will. I think a great many people need to do that.

margaretclare

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

We share a kingsize bed but often book twin beds if going away for a treat. I think as you get older you just like your comfort more, particularly when it comes to seating, shoes and beds!

Maybe so, but we like the comfort of being able to reach out to each other. I've had the experience following widowhood of reaching out and nothing there. If I get scared in the night I like the feel of him beside me, and he likes to be able to hold my hand. So, even if we go away, we prefer a bed together, either king-size, queen-size or double, or even twin beds bolted together, which you get in many hotels.

vaio

Steel wrote: »

As of April 2009 it is now £250,000 if you die intestate. If your mother's share of their martial estate is above this, you stepfather gets the first £250K plus a life interest in the remainder. Children of the marriage i.e. your sister get an equal share in the rest. As a step daughter you are not entitled to claim anything. Only children of the marriage, illegitimate and adopted children are allowed, regardless of your mum's wishes..

I'm pretty sure husband gets the first 250k and a life time interest in half the remainder and both children share the other half. When husband dies both kids get the other half from mums estate.

If husband also dies without a will then only his bio kids will inherit his estate unless he adopted the OP, but this doesn’t affect the OPs right to inherit from her mother.

I got the impression the mums estate wasn’t very much but say it was £500k. When she died, husband gets £250k and life interest in £125k with the two daughters sharing the remaining £125k.

When husband dies the kids share the other £125k from mums estate but unless he adopted her or made a will the OP doesn’t get any of the step dads estate including the £250k he inherited from the mothers estate. His estate inc the 250k gets divided between his three bio kids, step kids get nothing

Steel_2

vaio wrote: »

I'm pretty sure husband gets the first 250k and a life time interest in half the remainder and both children share the other half. When husband dies both kids get the other half from mums estate.

If husband also dies without a will then only his bio kids will inherit his estate unless he adopted the OP, but this doesn’t affect the OPs right to inherit from her mother.

I got the impression the mums estate wasn’t very much but say it was £500k. When she died, husband gets £250k and life interest in £125k with the two daughters sharing the remaining £125k.

When husband dies the kids share the other £125k from mums estate but unless he adopted her or made a will the OP doesn’t get any of the step dads estate including the £250k he inherited from the mothers estate. His estate inc the 250k gets divided between his three bio kids, step kids get nothing

Thanks for clarifying that further vaio.

It's such a ruddy complicated business. If you talk to will drafters or solicitors they all seem to have different ideas. Some of them don't know about the increase from £125k to £250k, which is worrying.