Stepdad turning nasty after Mum's death.

valos_mummy

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

She won't just be seen as petty, she will be petty in the extreme. And vindictive as well. Not very attractive qualities at all. Sometimes it's better to be dignified and withdraw from an unfavourable situation without descending to the morals of the farmyard.

So say my neighbour down the street was claiming incapacity benefit and yesterday I saw them running full pelt down the street to catch a bus? And say last week we'd had an argument over fence boundaries, or maybe they were dragging their heels over paying towards the upkeep of a shared space? Should I let them carry on claiming because otherwise they'll know it was me who reported them and think I'm being vindictive? When you take, or in this case, claim, what doesn't rightfully belong to you, it is theft.

Vindictiveness isn't attractive at all, but I don't think I could keep quiet if someone I knew was on the fiddle. If a poster had come on here just saying "I have good reason to belive my step-dad is falsely claiming benefits, what should I do?" would everyone advise them not to say anything?

seven-day-weekend

valos_mummy wrote: »

So say my neighbour down the street was claiming incapacity benefit and yesterday I saw them running full pelt down the street to catch a bus? And say last week we'd had an argument over fence boundaries, or maybe they were dragging their heels over paying towards the upkeep of a shared space? Should I let them carry on claiming because otherwise they'll know it was me who reported them and think I'm being vindictive? When you take, or in this case, claim, what doesn't rightfully belong to you, it is theft.

Vindictiveness isn't attractive at all, but I don't think I could keep quiet if someone I knew was on the fiddle. If a poster had come on here just saying "I have good reason to belive my step-dad is falsely claiming benefits, what should I do?" would everyone advise them not to say anything?

They might be on IB for Mental Health reasons and therefore quite capable of running for a bus. My husband is on IB and is at this very moment concreting our terrace. Being on IB doesn't necessarily mean that you are not physically fit.

I would say be quite sure of your facts before you report anyone. If, you still feel they are claiming fraudulently after examining all your facts, then report them by all means.

However, in this case, I'm afraid I think the OP only wants to report the man BECAUSE he is her stepfather and she wants vengeance, not justice, and that is not very attractive. OP, please forgive me if this is not the case, but that is how it comes over.

Oldernotwiser

Apart from general vindictiveness, the OP is only trying to report her stepfather because of her ignorance regarding the rules. As I have said twice already, he is perfectly eligible for Council Tax Benefit with savings of 8,000; an amount that was already in existence when her mother was alive (You're not allowed more savings for a couple.)

As SDW has pointed out, people on IB/ESA may be perfectly fit physically and claiming benefits on the grounds of mental illness.

lolababy

Okay he has been a right swine to your mother but even he could be upset at your mothers passing. Forty years is a long time and Im sure they had good times together despite their problems.
Unless he wants to hand over things from the house freely then you cannot expect him too. Your the one who is bullying now and demanding. Go ahead phone the benefits and heap more of your hurt and anger on this man.
Take a step back and consider how your mum would feel if you did this to someone she has loved. Its not for you to make judgements and decisions on her behalf now she has gone. Being vindictive is not going to change the way this man treated your mother.
Give the man time and maybe he will relent. Instead of showing him your anger put out an olive branch. At this moment in time your seen as a threat and someone who wants to grab items from his home.
Communication is the key and patience .

Morglin

As your mum has died, any benefit he gets will have to be reassessed anyway, and he will automatically have his council tax reduced because he's living alone in the house - so, when his claim is resubmitted any savings he has in a bank will probably come to light anyway.

I'd remember your mum with love, and forget the rest.

Lin

BLT_2

The assets in the house never belonged to the OP, the money never belonged to the OP, and moreover the coupled lived together and paid a mortgage together assumedly over the 40 years. Personally if I were the chap involved I would tell the OP to take a hike as well. If its not just the money why all the investigation into how much she can get, and the planning of holidays.

To my mind this is all about greed pure and simple and is one of the most unsavoury aspects of parents passing on. I'm going to burn any money I have when I die to avoid vultures circling my grave

robpw2

valos_mummy wrote: »

OP did mention however, other benefits that he is claiming that she believes he has no right to.

doesn't mean its fact seems op is very upset at having lost mother and not being able to get items from her estate because mum didnt leave a will -40 years seems to be a long time for getting round to it (this is one of the reasons i believe that a new law that states all people over the age off 18 are required to have a will should be made)

vaio

BLT wrote: »

The assets in the house never belonged to the OP, the money never belonged to the OP, and moreover the coupled lived together and paid a mortgage together assumedly over the 40 years. Personally if I were the chap involved I would tell the OP to take a hike as well. If its not just the money why all the investigation into how much she can get, and the planning of holidays.

To my mind this is all about greed pure and simple and is one of the most unsavoury aspects of parents passing on. I'm going to burn any money I have when I die to avoid vultures circling my grave

Burning paper money releases carbon dioxide and adds to the global warming problem. I have a low emissions incinerator fitted with carbon capture equipment which is essentially pollution free.

We also offer a free collection service within the UK

Oldernotwiser

valos_mummy wrote: »

OP did mention however, other benefits that he is claiming that she believes he has no right to.

The capital rules are the same for other means tested benefits and are even more generous for someone claiming Pension Credit, as he is probably doing,

kindofagilr

McKneff wrote: »

If you really believe that "they even slept in different beds for over 10 years, so in effect the marriage was over" then you may be in for a shock in your old age.;)



My OH and i have been happily married for 42 years, i havent slept in the same bed for well over 10 years, we have twin beds. If we had slept in the same bed we would hve been divorced long before now, he tosses and turns, restless legs, fighting over the duvet, he would insist i kept pushing the duvet on to him, now i ask you who ever can push a duvet.:rotfl:
We both sleep much better apart, in the same room of course.
Aaahh the innocence of the young.

But didnt he always do that? surely when he got older he didnt just start doing the things you listed?

I amjust curious, as I can imagine not sleeping in the same bed as OH (but like you say innocence of the young lol)

(IM not getting at you btw I am really curious about couples who are happy but dont share beds)