11 yr-old's downtime / bedtime

Jet

My son has just turned 12 and has to go up at 8pm and lights out for 8.30pm on a weeknight and bed at 9 ish at the weekend when I'm a lot more relaxed, so it could be 10pm or 11pm if we're out or have visitors or a sleep over. It does all depend on what time your child has to get up in the morning, my son has to be awake and up for 7am and sometimes still falls back to sleep even going to bed at 8.30pm.

I know my son goes to bed earlier than most but he does need that sleep, he would really, really struggle if he didn't go to bed til 10pm or later!

Savvy_Sue

Two answers: "I am not everyone else's mother / father / parents, I am YOUR mother and I say ..."

"Yes, by all means you can stay up until x o'clock, you can do all the jobs I was going to do and I'll head off to bed. There's the laundry to sort out, ironing [not in this house but some of you might], a heap of washing up still to do and you could start preparing tomorrow's tea, if you peeled the potatoes and prepared the other veg I could do a slow cooker meal."

As for the problem with younger children staying awake, I never cracked that, but it generally boiled down to a fear that they might be missing some fun. If they know (or are led to believe) that the older child is doing something REALLY boring, it may help!

llh189

Blimey - I am 35 and most nights I am in bed at 10 ish!

My god daughter is in bed at 8.30 and lights out by 9 at the latest. She needs heaps of sleep or she is proper moody!

Plus her mum and dad also deserve some proper adult time before they go to bed!

retro_bluebell

Feisty_Fairy wrote: »

Well i must be the worst mum ever then lol, my 11 year old goes up to bed between 7 and 7.30 and is allowed to read for between 15 mins and half an hour depending on what tme he went to bed, he does however struggle without this amount of sleep as he suffers from migrains.

We have however noticed he is getting up earlier than his younger brother now so maybe he needs that little bit less sleep?

He does stay up later on thursdays for scouts though, so then its 9.30 sometimes later if they have been out on a trip or something.

I find it a struggle gettin 2 to bed at seperate times as the youngest who is 6 will just stay awake until he hears his brother come to bed altho they are in seperate rooms i think its just a control thing lol, dont wanna hijack the thread but anyone any ideas how to help with that?

So OP in answer to your question, i do think that 10pm is very late, but each child is different!

Im soooo glad you posted this I was reading this thread thinking I was the bad one! I have 2 boys aged 12 and 10 and they are both up the stairs at 7.30 on school nights and 8 oclock for lights out....so no your not the only one lol.

OP Id probably go mental if my 2 were up that late dont you need space an adult time?

isitenough

Both my DS and DD (12 and nearly 10) are up for bed at 8pm with lights out immediately! Times can vary a little earlier if they're really hyper and need to calm down by reading first! If they don't get enough sleep they are little horrors.
At the weeked it's more lax but not later than 9pm on Sat and 8.30pm on Sun. Saying that, even on holiday we tend to stay to the same routine.

Plans_all_plans

Haha, well I'm 24 and when I'm back at my mum's she's on at me from 10pm onwards to get up to bed! When I was in secondary school my sister and I were up in bed for 8pm on the dot, no reading or anything else. We might have dared to speak to each other but my mum has ears like nothing else and she'd bang on the ceiling downstairs if she could hear us nattering!

I remember that all my friends were up til whenever they wanted and all had TVs in their rooms (there was no way my mum wouldve let us have our own TV either, which I was actually fine with!) and they'd all chat about these shows I'd miss at school the next day. At the time I wasn't best pleased, but now I can see why she did it. She and my dad needed time together and anyway, I feel it's character building for children to be the odd one out sometimes!

I remember trying to negotiate a 9pm bedtime at about 15!! She gave in over that one eventually.

In my opinion, your son is up far too late already.

stef240377

I have 3 children aged 15, 14 and 13.

It has only been in the last month or so i have allowed my 15yo daughter to choose her bedtime but by doing so accepts responsibility for not getting up in time to straighten her hair and ply on the make up before school. The only reason i allowed her to do this is because its not that many months now before she will be old enough to leave home and hoping that in giving her some lea way she will see that having a bed time routine will set her in good stead for when she gets into the real world and work is a priority not hair straightening. On the other hand as the two younger ones share a room they share a bed time of 9.30pm on a school night and whatever they like in half terms, even with this leniancy they choose not to go to bed much later than 10pm unless a film has gripped them and they go up soon after it has finished.

On a school day they are all up at 6.45am.

chewits

Thank you all for your replies. Well, I was thinking I was maybe being a little harsh but obviously I'm not!

My son's in Year 7, so it could be right that it's actually older children who are saying they're up later (if indeed anyone is saying it at all...)

I guess where the possible leniency has arisen is that for a good while I was a single parent, and didn't enforce a very strict routine. So my son was used to spending quite a lot of time with me in the evenings - my own doing I know. Now I have a partner we obviously want to spend quality time together, but then I feel guilty towards my son because rules are being enforced more strictly than before. But I guess that's a whole other issue!

He doesn't wake up naturally in the mornings, but isn't difficult to wake up. I think I will try moving bedtime forwards, until he's waking up without intervention.

And I shall look forward to some more quality time with my OH, without feeling too selfish!

Mupette

chewits wrote: »

What do people think is a reasonable time for an 11-yr-old to be in their bedrooms at night, if not actually going to bed? My DS has to be in his room and ready for bed at 10 on school nights. In the school holidays it's 10.30 although he doesn't have to go straight to bed, and at weekends it's about 11.

I mostly feel that's ok, but my son is starting to really complain about it - the trusty faithful trotted out that everyone else his age stays up MUCH later. I feel it's important he has a routine, and I also feel it's important that me and OH have some quality time

Am I being unreasonable?

My DS is 15

School nights and Sunday before school its 10.00pm, although he might have the tv on for about half hour.

holidays and weekends its 11.00 ish

I don't think you are being unreasonable, think of it this way, if his mates stay up longer, where are they and what are they upto, do their parents know or even care.

Please don't forget DS is with you forever, your OH may or may not last, so wanting quality time is one thing... your DS may see it as you pushing him to one side in favour of your new toy, just thinking from a kids perspective.

theladsmum

chewits wrote: »

My son's in Year 7, so it could be right that it's actually older children who are saying they're up later (if indeed anyone is saying it at all...)

And I shall look forward to some more quality time with my OH, without feeling too selfish!

My DS is also Year 7, 12 in a couple of weeks. He goes up between 8.30 and 9, and can read for half an hour or so. I don't think he goes to sleep as soon as lights are out, but at least he is relaxing. As are we downstairs, enjoying a bit of child-free time!!!

Saturday night is more flexible, and holidays even more so!