11 yr-old's downtime / bedtime

chewits

What do people think is a reasonable time for an 11-yr-old to be in their bedrooms at night, if not actually going to bed? My DS has to be in his room and ready for bed at 10 on school nights. In the school holidays it's 10.30 although he doesn't have to go straight to bed, and at weekends it's about 11.

I mostly feel that's ok, but my son is starting to really complain about it - the trusty faithful trotted out that everyone else his age stays up MUCH later. I feel it's important he has a routine, and I also feel it's important that me and OH have some quality time

Am I being unreasonable?

Surfbabe

Yes you should have some quality time but IMO your 11yr old should be going to bed earlier than 10pm in school time and 11 at weekends except if it is a special occasion.

You are not being unreasonable at all

littleredhen

my dd is out several nights a week at swimming and guides etc until 9.30 so therefore bed is 10pm - on nights she is not out to these activities she has to be in her room by 8.30 to read/chill/listen to story cd etc - i don't think you are being unreasonable but then don't they all say that 'everyone else' thing!


i was just going to add that because of these activities she is late to bed but although i agree to her doing them i think it is too late to be in bed on a school night that's why i make her go to her room early on 3 of the other nights and these include a Saturday!

kingfisherblue

My son is ten and is not a good sleeper - he wanders around for ages, given half a chance. He has to be upstairs by 8.30 and in bed by 9pm, although I have to admit I struggle to keep him there!

OP, you could always ask who 'everyone else' is and offer to contact their parents to discuss it. That will probably put a stop to his complaints

bumpybecky

dd1 is 11 (12 next month) and her bedtime depends on her behaviour. School nights she is meant to go up at about 8.30, lights out at 9ish, apart from guides night when she doens't get back until about 9.15, so bedtime is later. In the holidays we're trying 9 to go up 9.30 bedtime. This might seem early, but she is horrible if she doesn't get enough sleep.

As for 'everyone else goes to bed later', we've had that too. We've agreed she can tell her friends she goes to bed much later and that I won't tell them the truth!

DVardysShadow

kingfisherblue wrote: »

... OP, you could always ask who 'everyone else' is and offer to contact their parents to discuss it. That will probably put a stop to his complaints

It sounded like a good idea ...

bumpybecky wrote: »

.... As for 'everyone else goes to bed later', we've had that too. We've agreed she can tell her friends she goes to bed much later and that I won't tell them the truth!

But you would become a hostage to fortune.

pigpen

Mine was 11 last month. He goes up to bed about 7:30pm and lays in bed reading/chatting QUIETLY to his brother until they drop off which is usually about half 8/9ish

My 14 and 13 year olds go up at the same time and are expected to be quiet so the younger ones can go to sleep. They usually do homework or read during this time.

I wouldn't dream of allowing my older children to be up past 9 on a school night so you being MORE than generous letting him stay up while 10!! I think many of the parents on here go to bed before 10 themselves!

During holidays the same rules apply but they go to their bedrooms 8-8:30pm.

minimoneysaver

OP, that is very late for a school night. What time does your son have to get up for school?
Maybe your son could go to his room for 9pm to read and settle down and then you could have lights out by 9.30? It has been proven that children who get less sleep struggle to concentrate in school.... we see the results of that everyday!

kennyboy66_2

chewits wrote: »

Am I being unreasonable?

It depends on the the child. My son (11) in bed for 9pm and always asleep by 9:30pm on school nights. Wouldn't get him out of bed in the morning if he was awake any later.

Someone once told me that people are generally Larks (better in the morning) or Owls (better in the evenings).

11 year olds should have between 10 and 12 hours sleep per night.

kr15snw

That is late!

My nieces are 10 and 11 and have to be in bed at 8:30pm but don't have to go to sleep then. They can read / watch a dvd / play a game together.

But youngest neice is normally shattered so goes straight to bed and older niece reads till about 9:30 - 10:00 ish. Quite often found fast asleep with book in hand.

Weekends are different and normally its 10ish but if they are out they can stay up later (over nannys or something).

flutterbyuk25

Gosh I'm a grown up (apparently!) of 28 and I'm normally in bed at 10pm on a weekday night! It does seem late for an 11 year old but I don't have kids so not best placed to advise you.

x