engaged - other people's reactions

puffinmuffin

Don't worry about your friend, i am sure she will come round. You say she is recently single so it probably makes her feel worse about her own situation. I am always extremely envious when one of my friends gets engaged as it's something i want so much (as with another poster, OH needs to sort himself financially), but i am always genuinely happy for them too!

bugbabe1970

Had a very mixed reaction to my engagement as i had only known my OH 3 months, everyone was still in shock 3 months later when we got married. 16 years later we are still as in love as ever! What a shock!! Lol.

Congratulations on your engagement. Hope you are both very happy together x

Bufger

Raquelle wrote: »

Well, I'm engaged after five years of going out with my boyfriend....I'm thrilled. I know he's a good person, the love of my lfe and brings out the best in me. I also know he loves me completely and I feel the same.In short, he's the one.
However, I announced my engagement last week and I feel like my closest friend and some of my family members are subdued/shocked/unimpressed/jealous........
Now I am a super-sensitive person and I feel like getting engaged is a very emotional thing so I might be highly strung and getting all fragile about this.
I also understand that I'm the first one in my family to get engaged (I am 33 though!) and that change is also hard to accept.
I think that in the case of my family they think my OH is "perfectly nice" but they just don't want me to leave them!
In the case of my best friend I think (she is single) she is just struggling with the idea that her partner in crime is now settling down.....
I guess I could have it out with them but I don't want to start anything. Also I feel like I am doing what I want with my life so I should just get on with it and give them the time to accept my news and deal with it! and be happy for me.....
One part of me hates fuss anyway. The other part feels like this is my moment and I would really like everyone's suppport and them to share my happiness.
I guess what I'm hoping for is that someone on here will have some words of wisdom that can help me out with dealing with these feelings. The "uninvolved" me (ie. if I was listening to a friend going on like this) would see clearly that the only thing that matters is how my fiance and I feel about things, and our future. But I'm obviously not involved here. I'm at the centre of the affair for once!
Anyone go through something similar?
By the way, the majority of my friends are thrilled for me and their responses have been really touching. It' just the inner circle who seem shaken up and not in a good way! Do I need to be gushing about how happy I am to have found the man of my dreams? I know that for some of the inner circle, their lives are not panning out the way they want and their lives are tinged with sadness.....But it's not in my nature to just say Screw them, I want my day in the sun. I guess I want everyone to be as happy as me.
Anyone here have experience of breaking news and not getting the reaction you expect?
Thanks in advance for your help.I promise I'm not just a bridezilla in the making!

It sounds to me like everyone you know live very sheltered lives! Please dont worry, im 25 but in a similar position (sort of). Ive been engaged for 2 years and we get married next year which nobody has a problem with. I wouldnt say people were jumping for joy which i strangely expected but they seemed happy or at least OK with it. Now my OH is pregnant we announced this to both sets of parents and the reaction shocked us! we got the old 'are you sure this is what you both want?'!! We have our own house, good jobs and a stable household based on a long stable relationship - where is the negative aspect of that?

Anyway, who gives a monkies what other people think. Both our parents had 2 children by the time they were my age. Your parents were probably married by your age. Its just an example of other people trying to live your life for you.

Oh and your friend is probably starting to think she may end up old and lonely as her friends are settling down. A reassuring night out will probably help her realise contact will not just stop dead as soon as you're married! hah

Mrs_Imp

Gosh. I'm beginning to think I'm weird now.

DH and I were together almost 5 years before he proposed (he picked the ring himself and gave it to me). When he did propose it was with the intention of getting married, so we set a date straight away. I moved in to his flat once we were maried, we didn't live together before that. It caused mayhem at the bank "What! You want to change your name AND your address at the same time?!? Oh! We normally ask for proof of old and new address in your name, or old and new name at your address."

Most of our friends and family were very excited for us, and I even did some girlie excited squealing with one friend.

If I know anyone and they get engaged and there's a clear wedding in the offing, then I'm always very excited for them and try to get them a card. If there's an engagement that looks as though it'll drag on for years and years and years and years then I'm less excited for them. Personally, I just don't get being engaged with no intention of getting married.

ps, as I've replied to your post, I feel I know you well enough to say YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY. Congratulations. :j
Enjoy planning the start of the rest of your lives. My one piece of advice is: make sure you enjoy your day, and ignore anything that goes wrong! Do what makes you happy.

Magicboo

First things first-Congratulations!! :T wonderful news, I'm very happy for you-but then as others have said, those in a similar position may be more excited than others who aren't-and I got engaged in February!
I am really glad you wrote your post though, Raquelle, and that lots of people have replied, because I was shocked and upset by some reactions to our announcment, namely my older sister, who has been with her man for 5 years and has mentioned weddings, but so far, no ring. When we told her, she talked about cleaning the house for 20 minutes, until we made our excuses and left! She has since told me that it was due to shock. Ok, to be fair to her, we have only known each other since September last year, so it might have been a surprise, but I still don't quite get how she couldn't manage a "congratulations"...since then, I have taken her wedding dress shopping with my Ma & a pal and she couldn't even bring herself to look at me in a dress! I have come to the conclusion that it is good old fashioned jealousy, she has told me and friends of ours-on more than one occasion-that if I got married before her, she would never forgive me! This is because I am the younger sister and therefore should let her do it first! I have decided that as I am the one who has the happiness of a marriage to look forward to, I will let my sister deal with things in her own way and come round in her own time, rather than trying to force her to be happy for us. it has been difficult, because my future hubby is really cross about about it, especially as it has upset me, but she is still my sister, and I do feel bad for her, because I know she wants to be married and have children, more than anything else in the world!
However, everyone else has been lovely and we had a steady stream of cards arriving for about a month .
My advice would be to just enjoy the fun of being engaged and looking at ideas for the wedding and let everyone else sort themselves out in time.

clearing_out_my_pockets

Lotus-eater wrote: »

No no no, that's horrible, don't do that to your Mum (if you get engaged again). Your Mum deserves to be told face to face.

I told my mum by text... We also announced it via facebook

To put things into perspective, we were on holiday in Naples and I sent a photo of the ring to my mum (who knew he was proposing anyway) and was then advised (by OH) to log in to my facebook at the hotel's computer. I logged in to find a 'confirm engagement' request from OH.

*Louise*

Sorry, have to agree that getting engaged isn't really all that big a thing. Also it can take a while for things to sink in when you tell people.

We got engaged in 1998...but didn't get married until 2009 :rotfl:Over the years we were going to elope, go to a registry office etc but my mum said if we did that she would never speak to me again *rolls eyes* so I just didn't bother.


I don't believe in buying presents for an engagement, so many don't even lead to marriage, it all just seems like an excuse for an extra party and fuss tbh

borokat

It is a big deal, I think the people that have seemed not to get excited for you have their own reasons for that and you should try not to take it personally, or let the shine come off it. Treat yourself to some weddingy things, go to a fair, get some magazines, it will help you to feel like a bride and get pampered and made a fuss of! It's a once in a lifetime thing and bah humbug to anyone who says you shouldn't enjoy it or you're being selfish. Indulge yourself for once, you deserve it.

Pee

If I am really honest if you were my friend and after five years you got engaged, particularly out of the blue, I'd be thinking were you having problems and trying to think back over any little moans you'd had and wonder were these a bigger deal than I'd assumed at the time - stuff like him not doing the hoovering. At that point, I might relax and think, hey, it's good news and ask you what the wedding and especially the honeymoon plans were, how he proposed etc. If you were someone I vaguely knew and didn't care about, it would be straight out with the congratulations and those questions. If I really liked you, a couple of days later I'd be highlighting the financial advantages and disadvantages of marriage to you. Not because I didn't like your OH but because I'd want you to be in the best financial position that you could be, because you are my friend.

Hope that helps.

ClareEmily

I was with BF for 7 years when he proposed, everyone was over the moon for us.

We had an engagement meal with a large group of friends, and set the date fairly quickly for 2 years time.

Now an old married woman of nearly 3 years and am expecting my first baby, also first gran child on both sides, and I tell you people are VERY excited about this news.