engaged - other people's reactions

Person_one

shellsuit wrote: »

I didn't realise there was a time limit on when people HAD to do things, such as live together, get engaged, get married and have children etc...???

It's nice to see a couple taking things slowly and not rushing into everything just because others expect them to!

Maybe they want to get married, then move in together, then have children ~ you know, like couples used to, when they had a lot more respect for each other and didn't want everything yesterday!

Congrats on the engagement by the way! x

Woah...

A lot of people think that living together before marriage is a very sensible step to ensure that you are actually compatible day to day when there are bills, chores and dirty pants to deal with, not just the loveliness of dating. I highly recommend it, for at least a year, to anyone thinking of marriage.

I think its a bit of a stretch to say couples 'used to' have a lot more respect for each other. My grandparents didn't live together before marrying but I don't think my grandfather showed his wife much respect by expecting her to feed him, clean up after him and raise his children with no support other than a bit of weekly pocket money.

There was no 'golden age' of perfect marriages, just a lot more stigma around divorce.

Person_one

laura.1984 wrote: »

I cant get over people not making it a big deal. My parents put it in the paper as did h2b in LA. We also had two engagement parties (in the UK and in LA) Everyone made a big deal they also do this when others have an engagement. It is a big deal

I think this is an area where everybody is different, to some people an engagement is HUGE NEWS!!! To lots of others, its 'Oh that's nice' and to some its barely worth remembering.

An engagement doesn't signal an actual change in the relationship, just the fact that you're planning one. People will probably be more bothered about the wedding but don't get your hopes up too much, your relationship and whatever happens with it will always be vastly more important to you then to anyone else.

Do your family and friends get on with your fiance? Do they spend much time together?

Also, engagements are quite common and no guarantee of an actual marriage happening so its easy to be a bit blase. A friend of mine is on her 3rd engagement, no weddings yet!

jcr16

Congratulations. I'm pleased for you.

I found when hubby and i got engaged. We been together 5 months. ( got married 10 months later ) Most of very close family were over the moon. My parents love my hubby and my parents family love me. We were blown away with the amount of cards and pressies we were given everyone was just so pleased.

but there was a few minority of peeps who were really negative. Saying oh it won;'t last, how do u know you love each other in that time , or , You too young ( both 20 got engaged on my birthday). and they felt the need to try and wear us down.

But at end of day i tried to let it go over my head as figured they were prob just jealous. We been together 9 year next month and every day is still as amazing.

Hermia

Person_one wrote: »

An engagement doesn't signal an actual change in the relationship, just the fact that you're planning one.

I think that is the crucial thing. These days people get engaged who have been living together and have a house and kids etc. A lot of couples will have even theoretically talked the future to their friends so the idea that they have decided to get married is not that surprising. It's not like when my mum got engaged when it meant a couple were now going to be planning on living together for the first time (or even planning on getting into each other knickers for the first time!).

If a friend told me she had got engaged I would warmly congratulate her, but I wouldn't go over the top. I would leave that for the wedding. Weddings are now also so expensive (especially with the gift lists & the fact that more people get married away from their home) that I wonder if that is why people don't go in for cards/pressies/parties for the engagements.

Hermia

Person_one wrote: »

An engagement doesn't signal an actual change in the relationship, just the fact that you're planning one.

I think that is the crucial thing. These days people get engaged who have been living together and have a house and kids etc. A lot of couples will have even theoretically talked the future to their friends so the idea that they have decided to get married is not that surprising. It's not like when my mum got engaged when it meant a couple were now going to be planning on living together for the first time (or even planning on getting into each other knickers for the first time!).

If a friend told me she had got engaged I would warmly congratulate her, but I wouldn't go over the top. I would leave that for the wedding. Weddings are now also so expensive (especially with the gift lists & the fact that more people get married away from their home) that I wonder if that is why people don't go in for cards/pressies/parties for the engagements. I am finding that it is getting more and more expensive to attend a wedding now so I cannot afford to buy an engagement present as well.

mistrihelen

So many people get engaged just for the sake of getting engaged (by this I mean with no intention of sorting out wedding plans any time in the next few years or saving up) that I think sometimes it dampens people's enthusiasm for the real deal. Plus closer friends can be shellshocked by anything that changes in their surroundings. I hope everyone comes round though

Congrats!

Raquelle

Thanks again to you all. In reply to your questions, I told my close family face to face and texted many of our friends. And yes it is the first time around for both of us.

After today I really do believe that the shock factor was the main issue for my mum and for my siblings. I am the first to get engaged. They do like my OH and they believe he loves me and respects me and is a good person. However, he is foreign and much as I love my family, they don't make much of an effort with him in terms of chit chat or anything. Maybe they will make a bigger effort now, we will see.

Anyway,what I have found out......
a) In retrospect, and if I could do it again, I would have texted my mum rather than nearly give her a (good news)shock ...I suppose it's a bit like getting a gift or being the "victim" of a surprise party.....not everyone's cup of tea. I understand this.

b) the most instantly interested/excited people are those who are in relationships who would either like to get married/have recently got engaged/married themselves

bugbabe

congratlations:T but i have to agree a engagment is no biggie i lived with my hubby 17 years before we got married 3 years ago no engagment i just wanted to be married before i was 40

Lotus-eater

Raquelle wrote: »

a) In retrospect, and if I could do it again, I would have texted my mum rather than nearly give her a (good news)shock

No no no, that's horrible, don't do that to your Mum (if you get engaged again). Your Mum deserves to be told face to face.

Jeff77

Raquelle wrote: »

Anyway,what I have found out......
a) In retrospect, and if I could do it again, I would have texted my mum rather than nearly give her a (good news)shock ...I suppose it's a bit like getting a gift or being the "victim" of a surprise party.....not everyone's cup of tea. I understand this.

b) the most instantly interested/excited people are those who are in relationships who would either like to get married/have recently got engaged/married themselves

a) If I were your mother, I would still want to hear the news from you even if I'm not prepared to hear it. lol
b) I agree to that. People who share the same experience would definitely relate with you better.
BTW, CONGRATULATIONS! :T