engaged - other people's reactions

Raquelle

Well, I'm engaged after five years of going out with my boyfriend....I'm thrilled. I know he's a good person, the love of my lfe and brings out the best in me. I also know he loves me completely and I feel the same.In short, he's the one.
However, I announced my engagement last week and I feel like my closest friend and some of my family members are subdued/shocked/unimpressed/jealous........
Now I am a super-sensitive person and I feel like getting engaged is a very emotional thing so I might be highly strung and getting all fragile about this.
I also understand that I'm the first one in my family to get engaged (I am 33 though!) and that change is also hard to accept.
I think that in the case of my family they think my OH is "perfectly nice" but they just don't want me to leave them!
In the case of my best friend I think (she is single) she is just struggling with the idea that her partner in crime is now settling down.....
I guess I could have it out with them but I don't want to start anything. Also I feel like I am doing what I want with my life so I should just get on with it and give them the time to accept my news and deal with it! and be happy for me.....
One part of me hates fuss anyway. The other part feels like this is my moment and I would really like everyone's suppport and them to share my happiness.
I guess what I'm hoping for is that someone on here will have some words of wisdom that can help me out with dealing with these feelings. The "uninvolved" me (ie. if I was listening to a friend going on like this) would see clearly that the only thing that matters is how my fiance and I feel about things, and our future. But I'm obviously not involved here. I'm at the centre of the affair for once!
Anyone go through something similar?
By the way, the majority of my friends are thrilled for me and their responses have been really touching. It' just the inner circle who seem shaken up and not in a good way! Do I need to be gushing about how happy I am to have found the man of my dreams? I know that for some of the inner circle, their lives are not panning out the way they want and their lives are tinged with sadness.....But it's not in my nature to just say Screw them, I want my day in the sun. I guess I want everyone to be as happy as me.
Anyone here have experience of breaking news and not getting the reaction you expect?
Thanks in advance for your help.I promise I'm not just a bridezilla in the making!

smartpicture

I know this is a huge deal for you, but to be honest, for other people it's really, really not. Maybe you just need to adjust your expectations of how excited the people around you should be? Especially if you haven't actually set a date, in which case nothing has really changed, has it? Not trying to be horrible, just saying that not everyone will see it as you do.

meritaten

I cant help thinking - you have been together for five years and only now you are getting engaged? perhaps your nearest and dearest were hoping or expecting something a little more dramatic? like, we are getting married, or we are expecting a baby?
it sounds awful but I have to say it - engagements are not the BIG event they once were. I remember that even twenty years ago most couples threw a big party and announced their engagement. sadly, these days many couples just buy a ring tell family and friends and start planning the big event.
perhaps your expectations were a little optimistic? if you want people to see it as a major milestone you should have done it the old-fashioned way? by throwing a big party and getting formally engaged in front of everyone and not wearing the ring until then?
ells bells - I am so sorry i almost forgot to say CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! if youre happy then i am happy for you!!!

VfM4meplse

If your inner circle are less than enthusiastic about your news I would suggest they see somthing that you don't. It's very easy to be critical of other's choices in love, however when you're in a loved-up zone it's easy to miss the obvious. I would start by cross-examining the one you trust most and take it from there.

tanith

Congrats from me too but I have to agree with the others , its no biggy to those that know you , to be honest if you have been together 5yrs then its almost taken for granted that you are to all intents and purposes already a couple and engagement doesn't really mean much sorry if thats harsh its not meant to be.. just enjoy your moment and get on with planning your wedding..

sukysue

I am sorry to be so negative but it really isn't that big a deal to most ppl. My neice got engaged and ppl barely acknowledged the fact ! Hardly anyone gave them a card or a pressie.We did but then I spose we are old fashioned.My neice was flabbergasted when we sent vouchers and a card! Sad sign of the times I spose.Oh yes and congratulations to you too!

LilacPixie

I think its just engagments are no big deal really. Like Meritaten said. We did the announcment then saved the celebrating until the wedding. Do you live together BTW?? We did so really it was just an announcment and nothing had changed

Congratulations xxx

littlemissmoney

VfM4meplse wrote: »

If your inner circle are less than enthusiastic about your news I would suggest they see somthing that you don't. It's very easy to be critical of other's choices in love, however when you're in a loved-up zone it's easy to miss the obvious. I would start by cross-examining the one you trust most and take it from there.

Agreed. The only friends I haven't been overjoyed for when they have got engaged are ones that I have thought are making a mistake

Raquelle

No, we don't live together yet, and I know my nearest and dearest weren't hoping for a baby or anything (they would want me to be married first ideally)....I don't want gifts or cards or fuss....I understand what you all mean when you say it's no big deal to others...it just felt like people who knew me less well were quick to text, phone etc. and that made my closer family and friends' reactions seem a bit cold, but I do think it was the shock as I have never really spoken to anyone (other than my OH) about marriage, so I think they may have assumed I wasn't the marrying type! My mum looked like she wanted to cry, but then kind of ran off and hasn't really mentioned it much.....
thanks for your congratulations and advice, everyone, and for taking the time to post

meritaten

but your closer family and friends probably already think of you as a couple! so you saying you were engaged threw them a bit!
as for your mum - if she is anything like me then the thought of organising a wedding - made her want to run and hide!!! I couldnt do it - my daughter organised her own very formal wedding - I'm more the hippy type and couldnt organise formal to save my life! perhaps she thought oh oh - formal engagement formal wedding??? or it was just she was overcome? ask her.
you have been seeing your boyfriend for five years, you have got engaged, when is the wedding if i may ask?

Raquelle

2012 and we're looking into getting married abroad so no wedding stress for my mum....well, she always said she thinks weddings have got ridiculously over the top and she'd be happier for us children to eventually go away and come back and say "We're married"!! We're both up for doing it that way too. I just think "eventually" came around quicker than she thought (despite my age and lenght of time with OH;)) Anyway, she's just rung and been really lovely about it all and said that she just got a shock but that it's great news. My dad, the love of her life, died a while back and she has told me before that bad as it sounds, she struggles with other couples and wishes she still had her husband etc. I guess that's her being really honest and that's true grief for you. As for my siblings, well the older ones are looking for love and I suppose they would like to be in my shoes. And the best friend has just come out of a long-term relationship that ended very badly indeed. Thanks for all your replies x