Learn to control money but do not allow it to control you

MrsMoo2U

KC, what an insightful post. You are so right. Remember the saying, Give a man a fish/teach a man to fish. That is so true. FW I think that KC has something here. You can still help everybody around you but they do need to take on their won responsibility. I remember watching an Oprah Winfrey show on this very subject. She said that she had spent best part of her adult life "helping" family by giving them money and sorting their problems for them and it was only when somebody else pointed out that she wasn't, in fact, helping them by doing this that she realised that she was hindering them.

thriftyscotslass

Lots of good PD stuff around here and MG is right, it is hard going.

Coming from an alcoholic family background, I have spent many painful years trying to get my head around this stuff - still working at it btw but two terms that spring to mind are:

Enabling - this is when you do something for another person who can or should be doing it for themselves; you are enabling that person to remain dependent on you. (Dh and I work very hard at not enabling ds to remain dependent but try to facilitate him to become independent. Sometimes we get it right, sometimes we get it spectacularly wrong).

Co-dependency - this is your own role in the relationship where you need to look at your own beliefs, needs, actions. Sometimes your own well-intentioned co-dependent actions can be damaging to the other person such as Oprah continually bailing out her family.

redsquirrel80

Fascinating reading about everyone's dreams.. mine are often very vivid. Recurring themes involve travelling though - often rushing around trying to catch a bus/ train somewhere, sometimes get it but then it doesn't stop in the right place, or I miss a connection, etc etc. I also have lots where I discover some sort of 'conspiracy' and have to escape/ hide from some sort of 'bad guys'... those are the most normal (as in frequent and least bizarre)!

Be kind to yourself FW - I think it's a good idea to untangle your own expectations from those of others and work out which are which.

Firewalker

OK, just sent what I have done on a joint paper - it is still very rough draft but is much more than the intention to do it and the worry that it has not been done yet. Have I mentioned before that the quality of output in writing (any kind of writing) depends on the number of time it has been edited. Or this is what the studies of the manuscripts of famous writers show anyway. Hence, the secret is to generate mess, organise it, streamline it and look at it for language and style (this is my addition btw). the text I sent to my co-author is at the 'very mildly organised mess' stage - it will get better.

Last night I got stuck on it - you know when your head is screaming that it cannot take any longer and that you should stop doing it. I stopped and went for a run - how enjoyable this was and how after each mile the pressure was falling off.

My aha for the last several days is:

Choosing to live with intentions only means that you end up with regrets.

A career as a sage may be open to me!

Keep safe, my nfriends
Firewalker

Lara44

Very helpful advice on the writing FW. At the moment I am generating some mess

Glad to hear you had an enjoyable run. Hope you have some fab and fun plans for the weekend after that long slog yesterday.

Triciaxx

FW : Re the editing; I am a wordy writer and work on the principle that I should lose 10% of words on each edit. Even then, I'm going through looking for ways to express myself more succinctly.

You also said "Interestingly, I don't think that anyone is expecting me to do anything - except me, this is." I think we are all our own strictest taskmaster. Of course, we need to be as we would get very upset if anyone else dared to drive us. :cool:

Firewalker

Triciaxx wrote: »

Of course, we need to be as we would get very upset if anyone else dared to drive us. :cool:

Quite right! How dare they? :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Someone said that 'perfection is when there is nothing left to take out' of a text. I agree!

On the funny side, there is a Russian critical realism novel where the main character plays the chelo in an orchestra but supports a movement called 'silantism' - the only way out of it is to pretend to play. I wonder what a totally minimalist writing will look like?

Firewalker

Triciaxx

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Like that?

Memory_Girl

Triciaxx wrote: »

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Like that?

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Firewalker

Words fail me. Now it is time for my customary daily post.
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FW;)