Please help - disgusting poo problem

meritaten

I second Slinky_Malinky - you mention he is a regular churchgoer and someone must surely be concerned about him. he really needs help poor chap and it looks rather as if the gods have decided its going to be you !

smileyt_2

Psykicpup thank you - I am not that young though, I am 40 - but this man is in his 70's and is a bit like a grand-dad.

Bettie, I think what happens to the old man in your shop happens to my friend. He has mentioned before that he has 'tummy trouble' and it sounds like this is what is happening to him. I still don't know how you can do that and not notice it though! I really think he will need incontinence pads. I know it's embarrassing but better that than pooping in your pants in public, and being the smelly old man no-one wants in their house!

And yes, slinky-malinky and meritaten, I suspect I am going to have to be the one who keeps an eye on him - he has no-one else and his wife is in a nursing home as she suffers from Parkinson's disease . He has already listed me as the person who will look after his cat if anything happens to him.

Men always seem to have more toilet problems than women, don't they? I don't know why. It's compounded by the fact that for men of a certain generation they haven't usually been the ones doing the cleaning so they don't notice the dribbles or worse in the bathroom. Sigh.

Right, I'm off to put my chickens to bed and then watch Ashes to Ashes - I've been waiting months for the final series to come on the telly!

EssexGirl

smileyt I think you're a saint for the way you've handled this. He's very lucky to have a friend like you.

I work in a public building and we've had a phantom crapper who left an offering on the stairs once a week. Also the member of public who didn't get what they wanted and threatened to empty his colostomy bag all over the floor if we didn't change our minds.....

meritaten

smileyt - here for you - and i strongly suspect you are going to need mse in the foreseeable future.
I am sorry smiley - I think this gentleman means a lot to you and its upsetting that this is happening.
but well done you - doesnt he have any family at all?

smileyt_2

meritaten wrote: »

smileyt - here for you - and i strongly suspect you are going to need mse in the foreseeable future.
I am sorry smiley - I think this gentleman means a lot to you and its upsetting that this is happening.
but well done you - doesnt he have any family at all?

Hi Meritaten. No, he doesn't have any family. He married in his 40's so he and his wife never had children, and he doesn't have any siblings. His brother-in-law couldn't care less and hasn't even been to see my friend's wife (his sister, obviously) in her nursing home. He's sort-of adopted me as a kind of niece. Sometimes he does my head in because he has no concept of subtlety! but he is a good man at heart. I really don't think he is starting with dementia but I do think he has a bowel problem so I will be hounding him to get it sorted. He is lonely so I have to be quite firm with him sometimes because he has no concept of boundaries, and I need a lot of personal space in order to stay sane! He's quite energetic for a man in his seventies though - I hope I have that much energy when I'm his age!

He is still trying to teach me about football after ten years of friendship lol! He phones me deliberately to tell me the football scores because he knows it drives me nuts, the b*gger!

He'll be OK. If he ends up needing care, I'll stick a cattle prod up Social Services' backside on his behalf!

Oh yes, and the bathroom floor is clean again

Essexgirl - bleurgh! You have my sympathy .... can someone get an ASBO for threatening people with their colostomy bag :eek:

meritaten

smileyt - youve been elected as this guys champion. but I for one am here to help if you need it.
sorry but I dont agree with you that he doesnt have a form of dementia - its not alzhiemers I dont think - but, senile dementia can take many forms. sufferers often dont get diagnosed because people either dont realise that odd behaviour and/or incontinence are symptoms. they just think ' well hes old'.
your old guy - it could be a physical problem, but he would surely smell something wrong and he doesnt.
could you take him to the gp? you would be doing him a great kindness eventhough he would be embarrassed?

bluebag

I would agree with the idea that your friend has some form of dementia, he was totally unaware of his actions, and was indeed mortified when you drew attention to it, would seem to be a problem of this nature. Not uncommon but very distressing. Sadly, if, as is likely it is dementia, it may get worse over time.

It might be beneficial to have a discreet chat with the practice nurse about him as he may not remember to mention it to the doctor.
Such a shame, dementia has no respect for dignity.

WelshWoofer

Just had to add something.....
The first time I realsied my nan had something wrong with her was when she came to stay with me and cleaned the bath after she'd used it (for a bath!) with the toiletbrush.
She was a fastidiously clean person and this was really out of character for her and she didn't think anything was wrong with doing that.
It turned out after months of additional stranger little behaviours that she was having mini strokes (bleeds in the brain) and has vascular dementia.

Every time it happens (and you wouldn't notice, its not like having a stroke) she gets a little bit worse. She now lives quite happily in a care home and my mum visits virtually every day and has her out to stay most weekends. Mum just couldn't cope with her living with her due to lack of room, having my severely disabled sister at home and the constant drain of living with someone with dementia 24/7.

I really hope your friend gets some help as I'm sure he'd be mortified if people started to notice strange things happening and start to avoid him. Good luck!

Penelope_Penguin

smileyt - as you now have your answer I'm going to close this thread. It's started to stray away from Old Style, so if you need further help on how to assist your friend, The Relationships Board is the ideal place

Good luck, Penny. x