question:- I'm mortgage free. should my girlfriend pay me rent ?

kat74

I've been following this post and have to agree with Cabbagewhite, post 496 (sorry - I don't know how to quote!).
The comments (throughout the thread) abut the GF being paid for sex are unnecessary and insulting to both the OP and the GF. The OP has done well to maintain his dignity in the face of them.

glossyhair

silvery wrote: »

Just a point to all the pre-nuptial recommenders - this is only legal if the couple remain unmarried. Once married and then splitting, the divorce courts will decide who gets what..

As I said in my post, we had a pre-nup and it "worked" when we split up. Simples. There was no need for expensive courts etc as it was already clearly laid out and agreed to by both parties.

misscousinitt

Split Bills 50/50 - YES
Chores 50/50 - YES - you will find that over time this will be more 95/5 - with your GF doing most of the chores - not being sexist this is usually the way it goes (know it does in my house)
Rent - I don't think its fair to charge rent when you are not paying mortgage or rent yourself...only my opinion.

Bloomberg

justwondering25 wrote: »

Okay , so should my girlfriend pay rent ?

we've had a debate about this tonight, she seems to think that I'm profiting from the situation ! , basically to put some figures into this, similar property to rent 600-650 , propery value 140k , I said I would not expect half of what the property would rent for , but I said how about let's prentend half the value was in the bank in a high interest account at say 4% , work out the interest and divide by 12 = 250 a month ( plus half of bills) , she still seems to think I'm profiting ! to me it seems fair , she does except that she should pay something , but has yet to come up with the figure she has in mind.

considering I had to work hard to pay off the mortgage , what should I do ?

she also posed the question , what if we where married with 2 children would you I still expect her to pay , after a short thought I said Yes !

well am I been a right old meanie or am I using plain old common sense !

like they say love don't pay the rent , not even on a paid for house etc ! I.M.H.O

_____________________________________________

Insert by Martin

Thanks to justwondering for allowing us to use this as a Money Moral Dilemma - not an easy one - both sides have a lot to go for it. I'm glad to see a question like this - too many move in without considering the financial implications of a relationship and often its one of the biggest causes of it going wrong - plaudits to just wondering for thinking of it.

One note, unlike the theoretical MMDs this is about a real couple, so please be sensitive to that in your answers.

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update for those that may not have time to read the whole thread i posted this on page 13:-

Hi , I'm the original poster , just to make clear a few things for those that have not yet read the whole post.

I live in leeds , i'm self sufficiant , i have ./ soon to of had my own business for 15 profitable years , basically going to adapt my business to be soley internet based , so i'm going to start up a new business and leave the old retail business with my current business partner , the business has no dedt.

I got a ten year mortgage in my early twentys and paid it all off v.quickly , my girlfriend whom i love dealry lives in the west midlands , she does not want to move to leeds (dont blame her lol) because she wants to be close to her family , i visit her every weekend , each way the trip is around 25.00 in diesel etc , no complaints , worth mentioning to show i'm not tight fisted , i owe nobody nothing , no loans , dedts of any kind and i have good savings , one of the many reason i visit her every weekend and not her to me , is that she has 2 lovely cats , that dont take too kindly to travelling 2 hours 15 mins each way , dont blame them.

My girlfriend is currently renting.

I posted this on page 9 :-

Sorry for not logging in for a while ,Ive read through all the comments , ideas and sugguestions and ive put thought into the ideas offered and picked out the best bits for the solution, thank you all , i'm glad to let you all know that me and my girlfriend have pretty much come to a happy and what appears to the two of us to be a amicable agreement in principle.

Basically :-

i would buy a cheaper investment property down in the west midlands (rent my place in leeds also), with a good sized deposit , she would not pay me rent , but based on the market value of the property to rent in its area for e.g 500 , she would put away in a joint account 250.00 each month , this would after say a 2-3 year period give us a deposit for another place , i would then rent out my investment property and we would use the rent/us fund deposit for a joint mortgage , if we did split in the period before we bought a place , then the money would be divided equally among us , which is kinda fair , my girlfriend would not leave with nothing and i would perhaps not feel aggrieved at how the not paying rent idea worked out.

Bills would be 50/50 and my girlfriend would (hope not if things went wrong) have a claim on my property etc. , which she clearly has stated to me she would not want to take anything of mine anyway.

The joint fund can also be used for emergency repairs etc , but with the investment property been mine , i would not expect any of are joint rent/saving funds to go into the doing up of the place.

if when we choose to buy are first joint property , the potential theoretical joint sum after 3 years would be a quiet healthy £9000 (plus interest) we could then if we choose to add equal extra amounts to the £9000 to up are deposit to suit are needs .

We feel this is win win situation for us both , my girlfriend is not stuck in a rent trap and i feel the money is going towards are future for the greater good of us.

I love my Girlfriend , But i feel it is best to sort out the business side of any relationship, business or private life , not thinking through and discussing the idea of paying some form of rent is perhaps to some a elephant in the room , i dont like the smell of elephant dung ! and i dont want it living with us , If any of you feel this is a perhaps a tad cold to have to broach such a subject then that is your choice. But We felt after talking the situation through for the 2nd time the idea will pay dividends and add strenght to are relationship in the long run and will add a firmer base for us.

In conclusion i cant help but feel ,Life is a buisness , Money is the building bricks , Love is the mortar. IMHO

I would most certainly expect a contribution. Maybe because you labelled it as rent she was offended. Tell her to give you six hundred pounds per month and you will take care of all the food and bills. That is very cheap living in anyone's language. If she is working full time and not happy with this idea then alarm bells should ring loudly - she may well be after a free lunch.

harryhound

There is something built into the DNA of the sexes and enforced by traditional social structures:

The male owned the money & wealth, he could flash it about a bit and attract female attention. (Just read a Jane Austin novel and you will see what I mean).

The female's objective was to become mistress of the male's household, fashion it as a "nest" and provide an heir - sexual favours - provide good cooked food.

Obviously there were marriages where the couple managed to find their "soul mates" but they were probably the exception rather than the rule.

In Victorian times this model was reinforced by at least two laws:

Married women were only allowed "pin money" any serious money they had earned (unlikely in a young female) or inherited, became the property of the husband on marriage.

If a single woman, owning more than 50 pounds, died and left money to her illegitimate child, the state fined the child 9% for being illegitimate.

Over a period of less than 100 years female emancipation, and fool proof contraception, has made males and females equal; there are some males where the former wife is denying access to the children, who would claim that the female is now more than equal.

However legal equality has not always created financial equality and, as can be seen from the postings, there are some females who want the pre emancipation rules ("the male must provide") to apply when the old rules suit them.

From the male point of view, this creates the "trophy wife", syndrome. Has this female married this male for his "soul mate" attributes or his money?

If you are a footballer (massive income) or a farmer (massive wealth) you have a serious problem. You cannot disguise you money, you will attract "gold diggers", and if you choose a trophy wife, should she leave, she will take a high percentage of your wealth with her. You will never know if the attraction was you or your money.

For the rest of us (male & female) I would recommend disguising your financial situation (by going halves on everything) at least until you can evaluate the "soul mate" properties of a new relationship. Remember the longest lasting attributes and the major centre of sex drive is a woman's brain.

The new flat in the west Midlands, should be presented as an investment opportunity into which both partners are contributing equally (and saving rent to a third party).

If this invokes a "what is yours is ours and what is mine is my own" response, that is an insight into what is going on in a person's brain and character.

.

justwondering25

Harry thank you for your analysis of this thread , i agree the outrage that comes across from users in general did come from females , the term "rent" did indeed cause outrage , women tend to prefere a softer , more round edged version of the term "rent" , "contribution" tends to be more acceptable , but whats the difference ! other than keeping the peace , which in any relationship is very high up on the priority list of needs and wants .

tabskitten

tupacino wrote: »

Women should be seen and not heard, let alone have the stones to talk back!!

Tell her straight YOU are in charge and she should stay in the kitchen at all costs.

Why have woman got smaller feet than men? SO THEY CAN STAND CLOSER TO THE OVEN!!!!!

Get her to pay you EVERY PENNY of the rent AND charge INTEREST!!!!!!

you still here?!?

jtr2803

OP,

I havent read the whole thread but going from your very first question, yes I think you are well within your rights to charge her rent! Afterall, you have worked hard to pay that mortgage off and if you bought a property together she would surely expect you to ask her for her share?

Many of us have lived at home and paid rent when our parents don't have mortgages so why should this be any different? Whilst I wouldn't suggest her paying half of the market rent value of the property I don't see any reason why she should expect to live for free. No offense intended to your other half but I think being able to live for free is expecting a little too much.

I am glad to hear you have come to an agreement

satchmo1

It always annoys me when people say "I have worked hard to have this object" as if working hard naturally means earning more, it doesn't! I work just as hard as my Director but she earns way more than me because she has way more responsibility than me. Anyways, I came on the say that my experience has been (in paying my OH my share of the bills) that as soon as we had a row he'd tell me to get out of his house. He even says to the dog "you don't even pay any rent". The dog (and me) give unconditional love.

wigglebeena

satchmo1 wrote: »

It always annoys me when people say "I have worked hard to have this object" as if working hard naturally means earning more, it doesn't! I work just as hard as my Director but she earns way more than me because she has way more responsibility than me. Anyways, I came on the say that my experience has been (in paying my OH my share of the bills) that as soon as we had a row he'd tell me to get out of his house. He even says to the dog "you don't even pay any rent". The dog (and me) give unconditional love.

Why are you still with such an excretory waste product?

Re: OP, whenever I feel the need to really appreciate and feel gratitude for my (solid gold) OH, I remember he has not one characteristic in common with such an (insert preferred expletive).