question:- I'm mortgage free. should my girlfriend pay me rent ?

Financially_Stable

justwondering25 wrote: »

I guess I'm a real horrible loveless individual !

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

I have lurked for months and this forum post has prompted me to register. I'm in a similar situation, although I didn't work for the money, I lost both my parents in my 40's (within 8 months of each other) and live mortgage/rent free. My BF lives as a lodger - WE DO NOT LIVE AS A COUPLE - he has his room with his stuff in and I have my room and the rest of the house. He pays a lodger's rent which is very reasonable and includes all bills.

Why should he benefit from my inheritance? The reason we don't have a normal relationship is that I don't trust anyone other than myself, I am alone in the world and only have me to look after. I've been in a major relationship before and lost thousands. I am being careful and prudent. He wants to live as cheaply as possible and only works when he has to. He has the potential to earn loads but is too lazy. My reply to him not paying a contribution to non-existent rent is that if he was with anyone else he would have to pay more than he is now. His reply - he's not with anyone else. He is capable of earning so much more than me - my only income is my inheritance through disability.

Reading through this post, I question why I am with him and why is he with me????

BUT, if he wanted to be with me, regardless of the money he would pay what I ask and work an extra couple of weeks a year to pay for it.

debikt

NO absolutely not!
you should not charge your 'beloved' girlfriend rent. You are supposed to be sharing your home with. She is not trying to make a claim on your home. So you still remain the owner and occupier. It would be expected to split the bills e.g. council tax and water rates etc.
If you charge her rent you will legally be her landlord. What happens if you split up? She would have all the rights of a tenant. Do you really want to deal wth all that?

I have to say that if my boyfriend asked me to pay rent on his mortgage-free home, it would end our relationship.

glossyhair

OK, looking at the OP from the girlfriend/partner perspective . . .

If you (OP) are worried about your girlfriend getting her hands on your money when you split up, then have a "pre-nup" agreement drawn up before she moves in. It just needs to say that each partner leaves with no more than they brought with them (in terms of any property or cash).

My ex is in a far better financial situation than I am and his accountants were worried about that (!) so we signed a legal agreement before getting married. I only ever wanted him, never his money, but I think that having a document removed any related stress because it could never become an issue. I think it helped me because the idea came from his advisors rather than him personally; initially he was very against the idea.

As we were, and are, based in 2 different countries, we never lived together in one place full-time (and no, that is not why we are no longer married) and I kept on my own rented flat in London. When he stayed here, I didn't charge him rent and likewise when I stayed with him. We never calculated the costs of a long-distance relationship i.e. flights, taxis and phone bills etc, as we accepted they were necessary "evils" if we wanted to spend time together. If I was short of money and couldn't afford the trip, I'd tell him and he would pay or come here instead. He had the money and I didn't. Simples. There were never any disagreements about who paid for what and when. No attitude of yours and mine, just communication and acceptance.

Believe it or not, I am fiercely independent but I enjoyed being taken care of and accepted that he liked to express his love for me in that way. We are no longer together and apart from a few pieces of personal jewellery, I have no more than when the relationship began. There was no acrimony or resentment and no fights . . . it was all straightforward and we are still close friends.

Being open about money in a relationship is important, particularly if there is an inbalance but appropriate behaviour is key. I think I understand where the OP is coming from but IMHO you are going about it the wrong way and sadly, you are coming across as a troll; applying percentages when there is SO much more to life and love than money and material goods.

Perhaps move your focus away from the money and your hard-earned position and be pleased that you can offer the woman you say you love a more comfortable life. With your pooled resources, you could have an excellent standard of living, with cash spare to spend or save together as you wish. As long as you are looking at such a defined split of "yours/mine" there will always be potential for resentment on both sides and that is the death knell for any relationship.

Personally I would run a mile from a relationship with someone who holds your attitudes but you obviously have reasons to act in that way. Maybe you could set aside your own ideas and approach this with an open-mind . . . and actually ask your girlfriend what she honestly thinks and feels about this? Make sure you really listen to her reply!!!

I truly wish you all the best and hope you can come up with a solution that woks for BOTH of you.

BTW, I have 2 cats as well and use timed-feeders when I am away for a couple of days/nights as they are cheap and effective. Reasonably priced cat sitters are good (get numbers from local vet surgery) for a longer period and are far better for the cats than leaving them in an unfamiliar cattery.

justwondering25

niccatw wrote: »

Hi JustWondering

Like DebtDesperado, I posted back near the beginning. Recognised your thread in this weeks money moral dilemma.

Just wanted to say well done and I'm very impressed you're brave enough to open your thread up to the mass email .

I think you and your gf are being very sensible thinking about this before you make the next move. You both know where the other stands on these issues.

My brother and his OH were together 5 years before getting married, their marriage lasted 10 months as money became a massive issue as soon as the married. Had they been able to work it our beforehand, they and their three children would not have had to go through the pain they are going through at the moment (they still love each other they just can't seem to find a way that works for them together) and it might never have come to that.

Again, good luck for the future.

Thank you , i'm sorry to read about your brother and the unfortnate situation he and his family and now in , its reading real life storeys that make it sound all the more important , money is always going to be a touchy subject and is best dealt with asap if possible.

I hope things turn out well for your loved ones.

dcholmwood

To quote you,

'What if my girlfriend had equal savings to the value of my house in her bank account , should i be entitled to half the interest she earns from the money each year ?????fair point..


--- I am new to this so dont know how to quote like you have.

You comment about savings makes no sense. Why should she have saving equal to your house value?

she has no right to your home or any increase in value... So why would you need her to have savings to that level? you would have no claim on it either.

Just to clarify... this is your parnter... as in girlfriend? and not as someone your gaining as a business partner?

justwondering25

dcholmwood wrote: »

To quote you,

'What if my girlfriend had equal savings to the value of my house in her bank account , should i be entitled to half the interest she earns from the money each year ?????fair point..


--- I am new to this so dont know how to quote like you have.

You comment about savings makes no sense. Why should she have saving equal to your house value?

she has no right to your home or any increase in value... So why would you need her to have savings to that level? you would have no claim on it either.

Just to clarify... this is your parnter... as in girlfriend? and not as someone your gaining as a business partner?

Well I.M.H.O life is a business as my sig says , but some people have stated "NO WAY" should she pay rent , but on the other hand someone pointed out , "well what if his g.f had a level of savings in her bank account equal to the value of his property ", in other words if she lived at my place rent free based on my past hard work to become mortgage free , should i in the same respect be entitled to half the interest on her imgainery savings !

Which is a fair point in balance.

LucyTheDwarf

I only saw this thread on the weekly email today, but I liked your solution. I can't believe some of the harsh comments you've had on this thread, I think it's only reasonable that she shouldn't live for free on your hard work.

I reckon I'll be in a similar situation in a year or so, and that's certainly a solution I'll be putting to my BF. I wouldn't want to live rent free, it wouldn't feel fair.

Swinstie73

Not read all your thread yet justwondering 25, but think all decisions regarding finances are a minefield. I have my own house (mortgaged) and OH is currently staying at his elderly parents, we are looking into buying a house together but we're taking our time as there is loads to agree on i.e. he will get his parent's house eventually (only son) but this might not be for years yet. I will make a profit on mines when I sell but we really need to put the same investment in hence the waiting for a while. I'm guessing solicitors will be involved as I've heard horror stories of someone moving in, then they split and get taken to the cleaners!

Good luck!

Insanity

I used to live in a flat paying a notional rent as it belonged to my employers. I therefore paid for it by getting less wages. When my girlfriend moved in, she didn't want to contribute for the same reasons so what we did was set up a property fund - an account that we would use to build up a deposit for our own place and she would pay a reasonable "rent" into that account every month.

If you don't want to use the money for the same reason, you could have a holiday fund or wedding fund.

TypeR

Ok,

Tricky situation and whilst I'm not advocating the 'tar everyone with the same brush' There are alot of people who always want something for nothing out of life - usually those who want something for nothing out of life, also have trouble running their lives within their financial means.

I once had a girlfriend who wanted us to get a joint bank account - I earned TWICE what she did every month and she had a nack of being unable to spend within her means. Obviously the thought of having access to more cash was an appealing thought to her, but not me - I refused.

In this scenario I would say the right and proper way is that she lives with you rent free and you halve the bills, BUT as many others on here have said, she signs a pre-nup based agreement that says if the relationship ends she has no claim on your property.

When you marry the same clause stays in force, but you agree to leave her the house as a minimum if you die and to be honest, lets say you had kids and then it went pair shapped, the courts will find in her favour because of the kids and even if you were mean and heartless the law would not allow you to kick them out until the children turned 18 - it'd be you looking for somewhere to live!

She needs to feel secure, but not to the degree where if she meets someone else she can rinse you out before she goes (sorry for being brutal).

Alternatively, you rent your house and buy a new house together - the rent on your house pays your share of the new mortgage (ideally) and she has to come up with the rest to keep the equity 50/50. I reckon that would generate resentment though as the pressure is on her to keep up the mortgage payment, as you sit back comfortable knowing each month the rent rolls in, your share is paid!

I would say option 1 is by far the more attractive, nobody in their right minds takes on debt unless it's absolutely necessary.