'Can't afford kids'

Jo_R_2

You would not believe the amount of people I have spoken to who have kids who have said that if they'd have waited until they thought they could afford kids, they'd still be waiting...! Me included.

I've been through a number of different circumstances since having DD1 (who is now 6, and in addition I now have DD2 aged 3, and DS age 1, plus another on the way.) I've worked and not worked lots of permutations, whilst renting, and at times with or without a car, both when with ex, on my own, and with lovely OH:D

Childcare has been both paid for by ourselves and helped with Tax Credits. Childcare has been creatively worked around both our hours when we both worked/ex studied and involved parents helping out - do you have this option?

At the mo I am a stay-at-home mum and OH works long days full-time. Logistically this is easier due to school and nursery runs, and we do get tax credits which help, although this isn't my long-term plan - I do hope to return to study then into work once the babies (both the one that is here and the one due to be here in a few months!) are on their way to school age.

I wouldn't get too tied up in what other people do; there are bonuses for you guys in what you are thinking about, the main one that springs to mind being that you both have jobs (careers?) that presumably you can work your way up in - being in work means you have prospects and future pay rises, doors that will open, so in that sense it's a good thing.

Also you don't have to lose every semblance of being 'you' as well as mummy and daddy - me and OH go on holiday just us and still have nights out, albeit very budgeted for but just means we know we can afford it.

The car thing - not a necessity at all, personally my family lives a little way away and I like to see them regularly and the public transport is not great, but this does mean our surplus money each month is more limited, but it is manageable.

JodyBPM

hurricanewyn wrote: »

OP has already said that he has about 600 a month spare after bills and mortgage and that doesn't include the money spent overpaying on the mortgage. I don't think anyone was 'judging', just offering opinions really - just reassuring him that it'll probably be the luxuries that need to go, not the necessities.

But £600 won't pay for full time child care in London - we're outside of London in suburbia, and round here nursery childcare costs around £25 per half day (£250 a WEEK) and childminders charge around £5 an hour (£225 for 9 hours per day a WEEK)

Depending on what their salaries are they MAY get help from tax credits towards childcare costs. And giving up of one salary is likely to "cost" more than £600.

It's going to be VERY tight for them, not a case of stopping the exotic holidays and takeaways!

Best advice to them would be for you to do a comprehensive budget planner as if you had a baby/child now (and children are MUCH more expensive than babies!) and work out what you would need to give up in order to have a child, and whether you are prepared to do this. It's more likely that you will need to give up things like home ownership (or extend your mortgage over many years/go interest only:eek:/relocate to a cheaper area) than the odd takeaway. Children are an expensive business, but they are worth it!
(and the tax credits system is VERY biased to people with lower salaries and lower costs, threshold limits and childcare allowances etc do not take into account the expense of living in London or the South East)

lovefreebie

Jody you are so right abot the tax credits being biased and not taking into account the expense of living in London.

Was made redundant after my return from maternity leave, and unfortunately as I found out , despite a drop of 25K, being on 1 salary would not entitle us to more tax credits :eek:

Anyway, we have a little one, 18 months, and to be honest we were quite lucky as were given loads of stuff by friends of a friend : moses basket, baby bath...
If any of your friends had a child, check to see if they can give / lend you some stuff :especially for clothes they outgrow them so quickly.

Anyone is entitled to child benefit then there are tax credits + working child credits. You can also get chilcare vouchers (meaning a saving of £70 per person per month if I recall correctly) through your employer.

For clothes you can try also boot sales or NCT sales, or Ebay...I always buy clothes during sales for DD, so I never pay full price.

Would love as others suggested to be able to give up holidays but depending on circumstances it is not always a luxury : we are both from a different European country so for us it is a necessity.

We did not have a car either, however since bought a second hand one : much easier with baby and living on the outskirt of London gives me a better chance to apply for other jobs which I could not otherwise.

winnie81

I don't work (due to failing health probably never will) and haven't since our first daughter came along 8years ago as we both wanted me to look after the children we only just got by but we managed and now have 4 children and the bills etc are paid We are young me 27 him 32 and he is not in the 40k bracket for wages (I wish! lol) and we receive no benefits other than child benefit/Tax credits like yourself would. Children really do cost as much as you want them too they don't need designer clothes nor do they need every baby gadget going.

If hubby and I waited till we both felt we could afford kids it never would've happened! We take holidays each year with short breaks too, no fancy a car 03 Grand Voyager, we go out 1/2 a mth and a family outing 1 a mth. Tesco deals pay for our trips out as we couldn't afford to go out otherwise and we picnic rather than cafe eat There is always a way to have kids you adapt and readjust to lower wagesand make the best of everything you can.

Babys only need a warm home and lots of love and encourage the materialistic stuff can be bought second hand if needed

Good Luck to you both x

xmaslolly76

In answer to the question about a car i have three children and a fourth on the way and i have no car it takes a bit more planning but yes you can survive with kids without a car. Infact it has done me the world of good as i had one until recently and it made me lazy now i walk when possible and bus when i cant so i'm getting a hell of a lot fitter for it :-)

squashy

You need to do a quick calculation. Is it worth your girlfriend returning to work if you are low-ish earners? Add up the cost of nursery fees and commuting costs and see how that compares to her take home pay at the moment. It might give you a better quality of life with your baby and work out cheaper for her (or you!) to be a stay at home parent. You may also get tax credits to make up the difference.

continualdiamond

As someone who doesn't have kids i can see your way of thinking because myself and OH do the same. Im 28 and he's 27 and we've been together for 10 years this Oct.

We only live in a flat, are on a part repayment part interest only mortgage and are in a DMP. We sold my engagment ring 3 years ago due to OH loosing his job, haven't been able to afford another one or save up for a wedding.

So to us where not stable enough to bring a child into the world, we struggle enough money wise as it is, let alone having to feed a 3rd person. We go months without clothes and then get them second hand off ebay anyway, i couldn't bring myself to be a horrible mum with not being able to afford everything a baby needs.

Might never have kids at this rate, but i guess thats life.

lauren_1

When DD was born i was 18 and 24 when ds arrived, on a fairly ok wage a few £ more than the average, I have always been the 'weekly' and 'night' carer but i worked evenings and weekends in a bar, i was shattered!, after ds arrived i took advantage of the situation , OH was earning ok around £15k i earned £5k if i was lucky, this entitled myself to go back to college with childcare for a heavily discounted rate, i paid nothing towards my fee's and got 90% knocked off the nursery.

Now ds is off to school in september, i have still been working but its towards getting a even better career and keeping my mind occupied.

Maybe if you cant afford for you OH to return to work but can just about afford for her not to work maybe she could try college in the gap between birth and when the NEG kicks in?

M_A_R_I_E

Great post Winnie - absolutely agree.

Good luck OP. I don't think there is ever 'a right time'. You just have to go for it. Everyone could say 'lets have one more holiday etc' but you'll never regret having children.

Marcheline

Hi Ironman, we are lucky in that we have a big deposit of 40k to put down on a 100k house, so we will have quite a low mortgage (we are currently looking to buy a house). My fiance earns 15.5k a year and I am a stay at home mum to our daughter. We are 24 and 26. I do not like the idea of childcare, so we have made sacrifices in order for me to be able to stay at home. Even with the big deposit, we cannot afford a car, but we are not in the fortunate position of living in London with its excellent public transport system. Trust me, you won't NEED a car, even though I'll admit it makes life easier (especially in the rain!) We have estimated on our budget that once our mortgage and other essential outgoings (food etc) come out, we will have £200 spare a month for holidays, haircuts, frittering away. You are in a fortunate position have £600 spare at the mo. START SAVING NOW!

With regard to holidays, we don't have them! We hope to have another child once we are married and I am looking to return to work part time once the children are old enough to go to school.

This website is very helpful http://www.direct.gov.uk/en/MoneyTaxAndBenefits/BenefitsTaxCreditsAndOtherSupport/Expectingorbringingupchildren/index.htm