'Can't afford kids'

ironman1

I'm on mobile wap so will read and go through the other replies tonight (thanks to everyone) but a quick reply to the person who asked basically if we want a baby for the sake of it...

Maybe I worded my original post wrong but my gf has worked with children for five years and loves them. I also love them and having a baby boy or girl would probably reduce me to tears of joy for about a month. Just thinking about it makes me feel emotional.

But I don't want to bring a baby up with nothing. We took the wrong decision in this country of actually working and buying a place rather than having five kids at 15 like about ten people we know, who haven't worked since and are fine.

One girl I know in her early 30's has had seven different kids with four different dad's and the kids are all at school and she was told to find a job. Guess what? she is now pregnant again by some random bloke. This is not one of them rumours people make up, it's true and it makes me sick. Yeah I am bitter in a way but don't want to turn this into a benefit debate as I said.

Thanks again for the replies, especially those with the income website. That must be of great use and may cheer me up a bit...

robin_banks

Having kids themselves don't cost a lot, the only things we bought new were a pushchair, £200.00, ex-display model, car seat £50.00 end of line, and a cot £75.00. 2 years later when had our second double pushchair (£400, yes it was a Phil & Teds), and a new bed for toddler banks (£80.00)

Tbh the rest of it was freecycle, charity shops, hand me downs.

The thing that really hits you is the loss of earnings, but you cut your cloth accordingly. So much money gets wasted on clothes for example.

BitterAndTwisted

ironman1 wrote: »

One girl I know in her early 30's has had seven different kids with four different dad's and the kids are all at school and she was told to find a job. Guess what? she is now pregnant again by some random bloke. This is not one of them rumours people make up, it's true and it makes me sick. Yeah I am bitter in a way but don't want to turn this into a benefit debate as I said.

I really wouldn't be envious of people who make choices like that. In the short-term they are coping on benefits, but with so many children I can't see how a decent life could be provided for them but in the long-term those sorts of choices look very poor indeed. After a couple of decades on benefits and the children all of school age the mother will be compelled to find work but what kind of work will it be? With poor skills and no work-experience life will be very, very different indeed. A mother like that would be lucky to find work scrubbing floors and it won't be easy trying to raise a large family of teenagers on that.

mumOf2wonderfulkids

the truth is that there is never a time (for us anyway) that we have thought, ''ok now is the time we can afford children''

when dh and i bought our very first house, i lovely little 1 bed, the day after we signed for the keys we found out i was pregnant *insert roll eyes smiley here*
but we managed, we had a mortgage all the bills etc. After my dd was born i went part time, earning just over £400 a month, not a great deal but hubby was just over the earning limit so all we got from tax credits was £10 ish a week. We are really lucky that my in-laws look after our children , it always helps if you have family that are willing to help out, that way your wages don't all go on nursery.
we now have 2 kids, and i still work part time , my son who is 3 next week goes to nursery mondays , after telling tax credits this we do get some money back (still only £30 for 2 children and ds's fee's but better than nowt) we do have a bigger house and bigger mortgage but we cope. but as pink clouds says, it is a comprimise,

but it does annoy me that some people are better off not working. My sister has 3 kids, hasnt worked in over 10 years and gets everything paid for her, she even said to me she was having her 3rd so she could get some extra money !!

but at least everything we have is bought out of our hard earned cash

Spendless

We managed because we'd never got used to 2 wages, prior to this we'd had a house each and we bought before the prices soared, though we did have some debt. A combination of going without the big ticket items eg expensive holidays each year, newer cars and me initially going back to work p-time evenings/w'ends helped us. We had more problems as I had youngest and family members who'd previously helped us out could no longer continue to do so (ill health). So when youngest was rising nursery age I went back to college to update skills and finished last year in the middle of a recession so still job hunting and my kids are 10 and 7 so a 1 income household for a long time. Fortunately my husband's career has taken off since we started a family and his salary risen (until last year when he took a cut!)


Look at what you could reasonable give up, eg if you have 2 cars could you manage with 1? Look into childcare costs and see if you'd get any help via tax credits or childcare vouchers. Does your job have 'set' times/shifts could your gf work when you are at home?

pigpen

At 21 I had a mortgage, my husband worked, the bills were paid and we had 3 children... I don't see what the problem is.. it is about what you expect.. if you still expect 3 holidays a year, the latest car, top of the range everything you are in for a shock.. You get one or the other or win the lottery!

I am now pregnant with number 9.. we still have a mortgage.. the bills are still paid.. and everyone has decent food and decent clothes. They go to the best schools I can get them in to provide them with the best future I can... What else is important?

I do think the worst part is trying to buy maternity clothes and all the baby stuff BEFORE you get extra money for the child coming in (child benefit/tax credits)

dizziblonde

As someone who did things "right", waited till they COULD afford kids - and found life wouldn't let her - go for it if you're sure you want them and stuff waiting for the perfect time. That way if there is anything wrong in terms of infertility, you're not stuck there bonking away desperately praying for a miracle with time slowly running out.

nikki2804

Its all a balancing act. You save up for luxuries such as holidays and gadgets.

I'm 21, OH's 23. Both in good jobs (around 17k each). When I fell pregnant I thought we would struggle to afford even the basics but we did it. I'm now part time (I work at the weekends so no childcare) and I'm now on maybe 12k a year. Still managing and I actually managed to save £400 from our wages last month.

Having a babys not cheap but it doesn't have to be majorly expensive. Tonnes of brand new baby clothes on eBay for pennies. Nothing wrong with hand me downs from big cousins. NCT sales are amazingly good value. Family normally buy things like sterilisers etc. Buy a cot bed, not a cot as it will last longer.

You will also find that you save money as you don't have the time (or energy) to go out as much :rotfl:

ironman1

Again i'll reply when I get home but we don't live a mad life, we enjoy the odd trip out, restaurant, pub with mates and one or two holidays a year and realise we'd have to give most of that up straight away.

To the person who had three kids and only the husband worked, difference is times have obviously changed or he is on 40k plus a year surely? Certainly not possible for someone with an average wage.

I do building work but not a job where I can do private work and the hours have and will always be pay 8-5 monday to friday...

As for cars, as we live in London and both train it to work we gave it up. We don't have one car now let alone two! but with a baby thats another thing, we more or less would need to buy a car. More expense! i'm not complaining, no one forces people to have children, just after advice which I have received gratefully and will read and reply to them more tonight

sarahs999

The big problem is the mortagage and the cost of childcare. If you rent the situation is easier, so you might want to think about that. House prices have risen so disproportionately compared to salaries that they are actually out of reach of the average salary earner. Yes, some banks will lend you lots and lots, but obviously there's fewer of those around than there were and for good reason.

I do feel for you, I'm in my late thirties and we struggle on two reasonable salaries because our mortgage is high. Not unmanageable, but high. We couldn't afford to go down to one salary either so I saved up what I could before I went on maternity leave, to pad out the months when I knew we wuold have less coming in. I took a year off this way. My husband then stayed at home until our son was 20 months and then our son went to nursery. THe bills were crippling, even with two wages. A full time nursery bill round us is not far short of £1,000 pcm. It's effectively private school. What does the governement do to help? Funded places, but only from the age of three. From 0-3 you have to fend for yourself. It's where lots of our debt came from - just using our credit cards to make it from month to month. And we had helpful in-laws too, who did some of the care for free.