Would you go out with someone with depression?

gwen80

Quick question...after trying to manage too much 'stuff' on my own for too long, I've crumbled slightly and been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I'm now being treated for it and am determined that I will sort this out. However, slightly bad timing as I've also met somebody I quite like. I haven't told him about it and don't intend to for a little while, but would it put you off being with somebody? I know in an ideal world, it shouldn't do, but I wanted to see what people actually thought?

Thanks

Gwen

Loulou2010

gwen80 wrote: »

Quick question...after trying to manage too much 'stuff' on my own for too long, I've crumbled slightly and been diagnosed with anxiety and depression. I'm now being treated for it and am determined that I will sort this out. However, slightly bad timing as I've also met somebody I quite like. I haven't told him about it and don't intend to for a little while, but would it put you off being with somebody? I know in an ideal world, it shouldn't do, but I wanted to see what people actually thought?

Thanks

Gwen

would put me off...if he likes u he will like u regardless of depression...

edit - meant wouldnt

lostinrates

Honestly? It would depend ''where they are'' with it right now when I met them/early stages of relatonship. They main reason I say that is my understanding is that depression can sometimes require some changes in people own life, perhaps also being a good time to address things in life hat aren't working well for them. new relationships have their own heady highs and stresses, and hormones get all whacky...both of which can be a little distoring in themselves. but if the person was moving through it well and had reached a proactive state of mind it wouldn't put me off overly: we all risk having depression...and I wouldn't leave my husband if he became depressed, so I'd consider it like that. i think.

Good luck.

Errata

I expect a great many people have gone out with someone with depression, without realising it. Why not enjoy the relationship for what it is, nobody has to tell anybody everything about themselves.

Indie_Kid

As someone with depression, I would probably wouldn't go out with them - I wouldn't be able to deal with them and my own problems.

Counting_Pennies_2

It should all be about how much they love you, and if they love you then they take the whole package.

I agree I don't think you should out all your life's troubles in the first date, but I do think you should slowly allow the worts and all to show.

If you put on a show and hide it all, you aren't letting the real person show through.

You don't need to label depression, that is such a scary world for many people, but having a hard time, a difficult run lately, is maybe more friendly terminology.

Now I think is your turn to allow yourself some fun, you have met someone new, who knows what the result will be, so off you go, throw caution to the wind and enjoy yourself with him and see what comes of it!

gwen80

Thanks for the replies. I've started taking medication, although it's early days with that and I'm arranging counselling etc. Deep, deep down there's a sliver of determination to get better and sorted out, but overall I feel rather overwhelmed with everything and 'delicate' at the moment. The sliver of determination is normally significantly larger. I think I'm quite a positive, determined person usually, but things have become too much over quite a long period of time. I won't be telling him too soon, but just wanted to see what people thought.

He has said that he thinks depression is down to people hankering after a lifestyle they feel they're entitled to. I guess wanting houses, cars, holidays, clothes...a certain type of lifestyle. I disagreed with him (obviously!) and we had a bit of a talk about it (without mentioning me). He seems like quite an open-minded guy generally, so I'm thinking this opinion is based on him having no experience of it, either himself or close hand.

Thanks

Gwen

tabskitten

Gwen - think about this.
He likes you now- with your depression and all!
Your personality will not change in the 10 seconds that you 'tell' him you have depression will it?
If he likes you now- he will like you in 10 seconds time- right?

Errata

gwen80 wrote: »

He has said that he thinks depression is down to people hankering after a lifestyle they feel they're entitled to. I guess wanting houses, cars, holidays, clothes...a certain type of lifestyle. I disagreed with him (obviously!) and we had a bit of a talk about it (without mentioning me). He seems like quite an open-minded guy generally, so I'm thinking this opinion is based on him having no experience of it, either himself or close hand.

Thanks

Gwen

Be open minded and don't take his POV personally. It's quite possible that some people do become depressed because they can't have the life they want - houses, cars etc.

Counting_Pennies_2

I remember my husband making a dreadful gaff about people popping pills to my parents when he first met them.

My mum had been 'popping pills' for decades!

People's opinions are formed through lack of knowledge, I still don't think you should blurt it out.

In all honesty though, I do think there is a bit of truth in what he has said. Before you fire me down, I have suffered from depression on and off for 15 years and more especially the last 3.

We can weigh ourselves down with expectation and desires and feel utter failures when we can't meet our expectations, or indeed cope with the hand we have been dealt with.

gwen80

The thing is I think I've hidden it from him very well. I could possibly win 'Best Actress' at next year's Oscars. It's easier though because he's very funny, makes me laugh and I enjoy his company. I just feel bad lying to him. I'm signed off work at the moment and he doesn't know, so I am really lying to him and I feel bad about that.

I didn't take his opinions personally, after all, he barely knows me, but it did concern me slightly if I'm honest.

Gwen