Would you go out with someone with depression?

jamespir

my partner has depression so id say yes

tabskitten

No point worrying and speculating through is there.
And if its a problem for him then you and he were maybe not 'meant to be'.........
everything happens for a reason- trust a bit to fate.

System

sh1305 wrote: »

As someone with depression, I would probably wouldn't go out with them - I wouldn't be able to deal with them and my own problems.

Pretty much this.

If i didn't have my own menetal health problems then i'd peobbaly be able to cope with their's better, but in a way i'm almost too selfish too atm. Thought that's not to say iwouldn't try my damned hardest to help someone if they ended up with it/if it emerged once we were going out

peachyprice

Having been out with someone with depression I would now say no. But at the time I didn't think it was a problem, he was straight about it from the start and I thought it wouldn't make any difference, unfortunately in the end it did.

kat74

Hi Gwen,
I've recently been dating someone who has significant physical injuries. I said right from the start than his physical problems didn't bother me, it was his attitude towards them that I was more interested in.
The reason I ended it was because I felt he was looking for a counseller rather than a girlfriend and he used his disabilities as an excuse.
Example - I once said to him "I find your sarcasm had to deal with", his reply was "you say it's my sarcasm you have a problem with, when really it's my lack of mobility".
In all honesty the word 'depression' may put off the wrong person. Be prepared that this guy might be the wrong person, or it might be the wrong time, but have fun finding out!. Let him get to know who you are, show him what a great person you are, and what a great time you can have together. Focus on the positive things that you can bring to a relationship - your depression is only one aspect of you and it won't bother the right person.
Good luck

fluffymuffy

I teach music and have an adult pupil, a man who when he first started explained that he suffered from depression - by way of warning that sometimes he'd have a bad week and not practice, and sometimes he'd have to cancel. I was OK with that and he was quite a sweet pupil. He did what I told him and accepted when I corrected him. Then he "got well" and as he came off medication his personality changed and his true self (in so much as I see it) is just horrible. I dread him coming. He's bolshy and argues with me - if I try to correct something he says "I did that right".

That's my limited experience of meeting someone who's personality was altered (for the better) by the treatment for depression. I'd be cautious of getting involved with someone romantically for that reason. I don't know how typical this is though.

Although, come to think of it, my own father during his final illness (cancer) became depressed and the pills they gave him turned him into a nice person for a while. He had always been an aggressive and controlling man and the pills made him meek.

southoftheriver

Having had depression I wouldn't make me run away screaming, but their attitude towards it would dictate my actions I guess.

I know when I have been very down that I would wallow and it was very difficult for people around me, I also isolated myself and looking back now, I understand why people distanced themselves from me. I would offer support and a friendly ear, but I would also encourage them to get help, and they would have to want to try and get better.

Pee

before i had been out with someone with depression, I would probably have said it wouldn't bother me at all.

Now I would say that if it was the first thing I knew about someone i.e. if a friend was match making and mentioned the depression, I probably wouldn't be interested but if I met someone, liked them, went out with them again, liked them then by time they mentioned depression I'd see them as a whole and the depression as part of the whole.

You sound a really lovely person.

The only thing I don't like about your comments is you say you are signed off work and haven't told him. I would be really unhappy about someone lying to me, even though I can see it could be difficult to broach. It might be better if you could mention you are not working but that it's a long story.

Indie_Kid

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

Pretty much this.

If i didn't have my own menetal health problems then i'd peobbaly be able to cope with their's better, but in a way i'm almost too selfish too atm. Thought that's not to say iwouldn't try my damned hardest to help someone if they ended up with it/if it emerged once we were going out

Same here.

Person_one

After having been through it once, I couldn't do it again I'm sorry to say. If someone I already loved was diagnosed I would stand by and support them but I wouldn't enter a new relationship with someone going through it.

I wouldn't hide it from him for too long. Its fine not to get into the nitty gritty of your mental health on the first few dates but it does need to come out quite soon. If you keep up an act, he falls for you and then it turns out you've been hiding a huge truth about yourself I think that would be very hurtful and dishonest.