Would you go out with someone with depression?

Brallaqueen

Bluntly, I would hesitate to date someone who could not pull their weight in the relationship- financially, emotionally or physically.

Kay_Peel

It depends on how debilitating and life-changing your episodes of depression are.

At one end of the scale we have those who need to be hospitalised, or need 24 hour care and suicide watches. At the other end, we have people who take medication, hold down jobs and bring up families with minimum intervention by mental health professionals.

I have known relationships to fail when the non-depressive reluctantly admits that they can't cope with being a carer any longer. I know of more relationships where the couples have stayed together for half a lifetime, through many cycles of depression and even hospitalisation. Who can tell?

None of us is perfect and none of us can claim to be 100% physically, emotionally and mentally fit. Some of our greatest thinkers, politicians, statesmen and women, business leaders, sporting and cultural icons have suffered depression and been extraordinary human beings. Most have kept their secret hidden, fearing the stigma, but the world would have been a poorer place without them.

Good luck to you!

pug_in_a_bed

difficult one. on the one hand, a new relationship could be really positive, for helping you build up confidence and enjoying life again.

You're not just someone who is depressed, don't let it define your life - you're a wonderful person who has this as an aside, yes it can be difficult but no reason not to have a go!

I would just see how things go
I suffer with depression and just let my oh know the situ as we went along, he's great with it and very understanding.

don't fret, just see how you go

Fluffi

gwen80 wrote: »

The thing is I think I've hidden it from him very well. I could possibly win 'Best Actress' at next year's Oscars. It's easier though because he's very funny, makes me laugh and I enjoy his company. I just feel bad lying to him. I'm signed off work at the moment and he doesn't know, so I am really lying to him and I feel bad about that.

I didn't take his opinions personally, after all, he barely knows me, but it did concern me slightly if I'm honest.

Gwen

I probably wouldn't go out with someone with depression - especially if they were so depressed that they couldn't go to work. That said if I found out someone I was dating was hiding the fact they were off sick with depression it would be a massive breach of trust and I'd probably dump them instantly ... especially if they'd pretending to be going to work!

ChrisCobra

Barge pole comes to mind , not being cruel but , people have their own problems these days!

Try to get more active and not dwell on stuff , business is the key!

pug_in_a_bed

If you really like him you should tell him the truth, if he really likes you he'll understand and if he doesn't then he is not worth bothering with.

ukjoel

Depends how big their boobs are

Seriously though everyone has pros and cons.
Would you ask someone about their genetic history and family history of stroke or mental illness on a first date. Probably not.

Its a package for richer for poorer for better or worse boobs and all...

gwen80

Wow, lots of replies... I didn't really intend this thread to be about me specifically as such, but just to clarify. I'm recently diagnosed, begun medication and starting counselling etc in the next week. I've never had depression before despite having quite a stressful time of things over the last few years (including caring for a relative), but this time things have become a little too much and if I'm honest, with so many other drains on my time, I haven't looked after myself very well. I've only been signed off for two weeks and I have every intention of going back to my job as quickly as I am able to. I've only met him once (but we have been emailing/chatting etc) and didn't really want to bring it up the first time I met him. We've both agreed to take things slowly at first anyway and get to know each other as friends. Of course, I want to tell him, but didn't really want to share my medical situation with someone who is essentially a stranger, but I also feel bad for not being completely honest with him.

Thanks for the replies though. It's certainly been an eye-opener.

Gwen

cautious_bob

Many opinions expressed - Gwen, you of course must decide what to do and I am not going to add to the debate.
But- if your given to reading I'd recommend looking at
'Depression:the way out of your prison' by Dorothy Rowe
A very accessible and user friendly book - for those with depression, their family and friends and for mental health caregivers.
It can be read through or dipped into (but you will want to read more)
Available from the counselling section in a good bookshop- currently about a tenner - or thru the library.
(All her stuff is good- but this is on the money for your issue)

Best Wishes
Bob

Katejayne1

I'd agree with the advice of, just take it slowly and see how it goes.
I've suffered on and off, but managed to complete a degree and hold down a job.
My previous partner, depsite not being diagnosed with anything and claiming to be understanding, seemed to mirror my mood swings and it got the point of being quite toxic and unhealthy, both making each other miserable for no good reason.
I had a year to myself, stayed single, then met my current boyfriend at the end of a bad spell. I didn't reveal the extent of my problems immediately, but it became apparently he had lots of crazy friends and was used to coco loco people like me So my depression is out in the open but just being with someone who is so understanding seems to instantly improve my mood anyway... it's great, and definately helping me feel healthy and happy.
So.... again, just take it slowly and see how it goes. If it's making you feel worse, don't go there. If you find yourself feeling more positive and upbeat, cool beans for you! Good luck xx