Would you go out with someone with depression?

bugsaboo

I think some posters on this thread are overreacting. There is a lot of difference between having one episode of depression, once, and being a manic depressive or a chronic depressive or having a serious psychological disorder such as schizophrenia.
OP, you've done very well getting treatment and it's probably because you're depressed this seems like a big deal, but IMHO it's not such a big thing. Personally I'd tell him but you could phrase it in a way that you've been through a really hard time recently which has resulted in you needing some time off work and medication to recover. So many people have depression and you might find he's even had it himself. he'll certainly know other people who've suffered. If he can't take it he's probably not suitable for a relationship anyway!
I don't think this is such a big deal (and I do speak as someone with lots of experience of this, before I get flamed!)

DanBrown

Hi Gwen,

Thanks for the post on my diary. Thought I would jump in here with my 'two cents' as someone who knows about depression.

I sometimes think that my depression will stop me being in a relationship - I constantly envisage a future as a crazy cat lady. Don't know if you've ever had this feeling, but sometimes I feel a bit like a 'Raggy Doll' in a world full of good toys. If you never watched 'Raggy Dolls' , then you won't get the analogy.

Anyhow. I think you should think about telling this person - it might help you both to have realistic expectations. A lot of my relationships have run into problems where they met me in a 'manic' highly capable state and then resented the fact that I wasn't the person they fell in love with anymore when I fell into depression. If you tell this person who you really are from the beginning, I think that there's less chance you'll get hurt further along the line when you've forged a greater emotional attachment.

Kandipandi

DanBrown wrote: »

Hi Gwen,

Thanks for the post on my diary. Thought I would jump in here with my 'two cents' as someone who knows about depression.

I sometimes think that my depression will stop me being in a relationship - I constantly envisage a future as a crazy cat lady. Don't know if you've ever had this feeling, but sometimes I feel a bit like a 'Raggy Doll' in a world full of good toys. If you never watched 'Raggy Dolls' , then you won't get the analogy.

Anyhow. I think you should think about telling this person - it might help you both to have realistic expectations. A lot of my relationships have run into problems where they met me in a 'manic' highly capable state and then resented the fact that I wasn't the person they fell in love with anymore when I fell into depression. If you tell this person who you really are from the beginning, I think that there's less chance you'll get hurt further along the line when you've forged a greater emotional attachment.

Totally agree with this.

I also have experience of depression from the other side, I fell in love with a man who experienced severe depression, the full whazoo, pills, many serious suicide attempts, sectioned in hospital for months etc. but he did recover.
Depression is an illness like any illness and for some it is with them forever and for some they recover.
I saw past the illness and saw the amazing man underneath it and thought he was worth fighting for (and it was a fight) and we are blissfully happy and have been married for 6 years now.
Just wanted to say there is light at the end of the tunnel, for some of us, don't let it get in the way of making relationships just try to be forthright with the people you get close to

RosaBernicia

I don't think I can answer that question as a yes/ no. I think how someone deals with the depression is more important than whether or not they have it, if that makes any sense. We all have challenges and screw-ups, and I don't think a label 'depression' would make any more difference to me than a label 'diabetic'. The important point would be whether they were dealing with it in a way I could understand and respect. If not, then it's unlikely I would be interested in them anyway. I think knowing the person would be the key to whether I was prepared to live with their black dog as well.

Sorry if that's rather scrambled, it's late!

Rosa xx

minjara

Hey Gwen if you ever need to chat I'm here. I've been with my fiance for almost 4 years and we have been through a lot. Hes had depression before I met him and tried to almost kill himself before. Now since July he has been back in a downward spiral being diagnosed as severely depressed with psychotic episodes. I went out with him knowing these underlying issues but I love him for him. We've been through a lot and this last 7 or 8 months has been very hard as I worry a lot about him and if he will do something, but he says he loves me and I keep him going. I care about him deeply and how he is, I suppose it grows more for him. But it shouldn't stop anyone trying with someone. Go for it, enjoy it.

Morglin

If it was a one off, because of a recent trauma, then yes, I'd probably give it a go.

If it was an ongoing saga, then no, I haven't got the patience or the energy to deal with my own physical stuff and someone else's melancholy, unless I had to.

Lin

lemontart

yes and no is the answer - my ex hubby was diagnosed with manic depression now call bi polar during our marriage and it was a very stressful time to say the least and I would be lying to say that some of his behavior especially when manic was not a contributory factor to me deciding to end the marriage and yes I would run a mile from someone with the same condition, as I simply could not go through that again,

As for depression that is another ball game I have been hospilised due to it twice and it is something that lurks to this day so I am not in a position to judge another on that but do know that it can make a relationship with someone difficult if not impossible if they do not understand depression - by depression I do not mean having a bad day or feeling low - I mean the sort that can make it difficult to function and at worse leads into a black place from which the person feels there is no escape other than the release of death.

Many of people I count as friends have been there so understand it, my daughter is still fighting her demons but her fiance has also been there in the past so understands it and they are helping each other move forward where as her previous b/f had no understanding of the condition at all and it became a destructive elemenet pushing her down.

In summary both my daugther and fiance knew of their conditions when they met so knew what they were taking on and it works for them, but could I do it perhaps yes perhaps no but as I have given up on relationships anyway it is something I will never know for sure,

determined_new_ms

I think its not a problem, but of course that depends on the severity of the depression. I suffered with depression on and off for 10 years following the birth of my daughter. I'm over it now, but can have very low periods when life's stresses feel too much for me. That can be hard for me and my partner, but because of the nature of the illness maybe its harder for me (lol self absorbtion nature of the beast!) because part of the illness is the shame and fear that others are judging us harshly, the truth is its our own harsh judgement. My oh takes me as I am, through the good and bad times, although tries to get me to see its about outlook and if I'm constantly saying I can't cope and things are awful that is what they will be.

We met just over 2 years ago and I was going through an awful time with my dd (nightmare teenage years that we still haven't come out of). Literally just before I met him was a very frightening time for me as I felt so hopeless with the situation that I had suicidal ideation. I used being with him as an escape that was fun, made me feel good and I could be someone else - at the time I didn't think it would turn out to be serious but it was a raft I grabbed hold of. A couple of months down the line when I realised I was falling in love -actually when I admitted it :-) - I sat him down and told him the whole story and gave him a chance to choose whether he wanted my life warts and all. He decided he did and I haven't looked back.

You have been depressed for a while, the diagnosis is just the acknoweldgement of the illness, and he & you are having fun together. Enjoy what you can from life x