Husband left me

Prudent

If he is going to be highly selfish, i would advise you get in touch with the csa asap. I gave my ex (a head teacher) eight months believeing he would make a reasoanble arrangement to provide for my daughter. He fought parting with every penny. Eventually - because I was in your situation- the solicitor told me to go through the csa. This doesn't preclude you from sorting out a seperate settlement for yourself. With two children you will be entitled to 20% of his take home pay. The court may award you personally more.

It is a very painful place to be and it will be an emotional rollercoaster for many months. When you live with someone doing a high powered job you are used to letting them take the lead. Not only will you now have to fight your own battles, you will have to fight the person you love. Once you get angry (and you will!) it becomes easier. You may still love him - and be very bitter towards him.

In time you will find your own strength and do all kinds of things you never imagined you could. Keep posting, this is a very supportive forum.

Murtle

Bargain_Annie wrote:

how long does it take for the pain,hurt,shock,humiliation to go away?and on top of that to get your mind straight to deal with broken harted children who say dad wont leave us penniless- well sorry girls he's trying to make your mother responsible for everything

dont know what to do with myself

friend has left now but on mission to find fab divorce lawyer

Hello honey, hope things are feeling a little calmer today. How long does it take, in all honesty it will take a while. But thankfully, we don't feel the same crappy level everyday, somedays will be sunny and some will rain. When it's raining it feel's like the sun won't come back, but it does. The best way to deal with the children is to be open with them, let them talk to you, but don't slate off their Dad, I'm sure they'll be able to do that when they have their head together!! Don't feel humiliated, my Mum was very embarrased when my parents split, so much so that she'd never volunteer the info, even to people she'd known for years. Little by little she realised that loads of these people she'd known for years all beat her to it and were divorced already!! They weren't embarresed about it, and so she became less so. Hold your head up high, you've done nothing wrong.

Hang in their, you're holding up, you are strong and you will get through this.

(hugs)

Murtle

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rose07

hi bargain annie
just been reading through your post

sounds like your having a horrible time of it.

hope you have friends you can rely on but you can always get support here to.

time is a great healer and even though you may feel awful right now you need to find the strength to move on, you sound like a strong person and you have support there and here if you need it.

i think the main thing here is to make sure you and your children are ok, remember you have them no matter whatever your ex throws at you your thier mother and have rights to. be there for them and they will be there for you

things will get better hang on in there

and i hope your mate finds someone great.

all the best and take care , big hugs xxx

Sarah1971

I'm so sorry that you are going through this horrible time. This happened to me almost 2 years ago. My 2nd born was 10 days old!

Yes, you need to sleep and eat well so you have the energy to deal with things and talk to lots of people, come on here and get things off your chest too - it all helps. You'll eventually come out the other side a happier and stronger person and your children will love and respect you for this.

The hardest part is the financial side of things, but looks like you've had lots of excellent advice already on here.

Good luck
Sarah
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bluenose1

Hi,
I feel so sorry for you.
my husband left me in similar circs 7 years ago. At the time I thought my world had ended. My friends all pointed out that he would end up the loser, but I couldn't see it. I absolutely idolised him.
I look at him now and wonder what I ever saw in him.
You will be entitled to maintenance based on his earnings, there is a website that calculates it -http://www.dsdni.gov.uk/index/csa/parents/new_scheme/csa_maintenance_calculator.htm?r=2

My husband had left me for another woman though it took me ages to find out. I thought he was just stressed.
Just try and take one day at a time and although you won't see it yet life does get better.
I lost a lot of weight - "the divorce diet" and gained a lot more confidence.
When I met someone else he started begging to come back.

I am now re-married and feel my ex is a stranger.

Best of luck to you, it is so tough in the beginning.
Anne

yummy-mummy_12

I am so sorry. Although I have not been through your exact situation, I found out my husband was having an affair whilst I was 4 months pregnant with our 3rd child. we tried to make it work but he refused to stop seeing her 'as a friend' and I continued to get upset. After a year he was so angry with me he left. Well that was over a year ago and like your husband he wanted his name off everything. I accepted most things apart from the mortgage -which he is still paying albeit reluctantly, whilst we try to come to a financial settlement. My first piece of advice would be to take things at your pace- only do what you can emotionally deal with on a day to day basis. It is worth paying to see a good solicitor for an initial hours interview just so you know what you are entitled to. When you feel ready get the best solicitor you can afford. I am assuming that he has met someone else as I have never met a man yet who would leave a home with no-one to go to(- this may mean he will agree to settle for less in order to get a speedy outcome?)
You will feel very low for a while but things do get better and you will be suprised at what you are capable of achieving. I know it is hard and my heart goes out to you but there is life after separation and you are a woman and therefore you are strong!
PS I too lost a lot of weight on the divorce diet!

jazzyjustlaw

Hows things? Dont worry about him being a solicitor.

Not sure what I can add but dont be bullied. seem to me when you posted you were more concerned about losing him than anything else. Just take it one day at a time and just reward yourself for getting through each day.

It took me ages when my husband left me - years ago now but I lost lots of weight and now I think what did I ever see in him.

I wish you well x

janb5

Hi. When it happened to me I was leftwith three boys and a temporary job! My advice to you would be to access these sites ( already given) and CAB and find out exactly what you can do and what you cannot do. For example you may not be able to change the locks but you can stipulate that he cannot ` visit` the property when you are not there to avoid items being ` borrowed`without your consent.

I was given very good advice to open a new bank account for Child Benefit etc andI returned all credit card bills to the company with his new address inserted!

Like others do NOT be pressurised to rush into financial changes without legal advice. Hope this helps.It does get better although it doesnt feel so right now!

Jan
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