Husband left me

BrokeBrunette

sending you a great big hug. You must be feeling desperately sad right now but you have to think of yourself and the kids.

Get yourself a damn good solicitor - you will need it, particularly as your husband is one himself. He will know exactly what he is doing with regard to finances/loopholes or will have a colleague to help him.

You WILL get through this, even if it doesn't seem like it right now.

Wishing you the best of luck and another hug.

Poppy9

My father always said never use a local solicitor as they are all in the same boys clubs and work together. It might be a pain but travel some distance to find a decent solicitor who doesn't have any connection with your area.

Your OH would be a fool if he leaves you with no money to pay the mortgage as that is undoubtedly your biggest assest and he maybe eyeing a share up of the house in future so it's in his interests to keep it. Else he might be looking for you to keep the house in leiu of a share of his pension, savings etc.

It's a harsh fact that money worries seem to overwhelms all the other emotional issues you are going through at present. Make sure you are open and talk/listen to the children. Don't fall into the trap of putting your OH down as they will feel caught in the middle. They are old enough to reach their own conclusions. Reassure them that their father has not rejected them, even though it often seems this way.

You are strong and have made the first positive steps of coming on her and sharing your despair. It's often easier to talk to strangers and there will be plenty of useful (and not so useful but fun) advice from others who have been in the same situation.

Sending you hugs (((((((()))))))))))

hankc35

Bargain_Annie wrote:

My husband walked out on Saturday after 22 years of marriage - don't know what to do - can anyone help.

I think you should take up a hobby, and remember you still have your health.

Garetha

Poppy9 wrote:

Don't fall into the trap of putting your OH down as they will feel caught in the middle. They are old enough to reach their own conclusions. Reassure them that their father has not rejected them, even though it often seems this way.

Dear Annie
I agree with Poppy9
When my father left us (50 years ago), my mother's hate for him left us all scarred emotionally. She was even angry that we attended his funeral 30 years later! Let your children decide for themselves, and respect their choice.
If he values his relationship with them it will surely help the outcome.

Be strong
God bless

Bossyboots

Poppy9 wrote:

My father always said never use a local solicitor as they are all in the same boys clubs and work together. It might be a pain but travel some distance to find a decent solicitor who doesn't have any connection with your area.

Well your father was wrong in my opinion. That is how battles start and is a very outdated view. When solicitors have to work day in, day out with each they are less likely to be confrontational or trying to be scoring points against each other which seems to be what is advocated through this thread. Knowing each other doesn't mean they won't do their best for their client or be forceful in what they want to achieve. It is all about professionalism. The difficulties arise when you take on a solicitor who likes confrontation and lets things get personal if their opposite number disagrees with them. This is more likely to happen between distant firms than people who are likely to bump into each other in the street. As to that meeting in the street, this can often be the place where a dispute between parties is smoothed over as talking face to face the solicitors can more readily bat things between each other and misunderstandings that can occur from the written word are absent.

It depends where you are and where your husband works as to how you should chose the location of your own solicitor.

Be aware, that changing the locks will be viewed very seriously. If he is part owner, he has the right to be there legally, if not morally. My friend was told to "add" a lock to the door, not change any of the locks. This meant that her ex could not get into the property and she claimed it was for additional security now she was on her own in the house with the children.

Many solicitors are not happy to take on the matrimonial cases of people they know professionally or indeed personally. It may be therefore that the husband will not be able or willing to find a "friend" to handle his divorce.

grade15

Hi Bargain Annie:
I've read through the whole thread...well briefly..
so why exactly is he leaving you after 22 years and 2 children? my guess is another person!..but that woule be too ironic..
I'm sure that he knows all about responsiblities with seperation..or I'll call the CSA..arhhh..well who ever is in charge!!

if it does go ahead..I'm sure that after getting a solicitor..and when you reach the light at the end of the tunnel.. you probably have half of everything..probably down size your home..just to keep up with mortgage!
get child support..and begin your new life..

look forward and not wirth about the past..
if he has suggested splitting..then its on his mind... the relationship will be on the rocks if you do get back together... .

hankc35

Bargain_Annie wrote:

Murtle wrote:

how long does it take for the pain,hurt,shock,humiliation to go away?and on top of that to get your mind straight to deal with broken harted children who say dad wont leave us penniless- well sorry girls he's trying to make your mother responsible for everything

dont know what to do with myself

friend has left now but on mission to find fab divorce lawyer

Hi Bargain Annie,

Why did you feel like an old fool? was there another woman involved and you didnt notice? I'm wondering if looking back there were any obvious clues that you missed, extra business meeting for him to attend? or maybe late appointments? How was your sex life, did sex become less regular? Did he seem disinterested in intercourse? . I hope you have some single friends who can help you through this, but on the positive side there are plenty more fish in the sea and its easy to find a new partner these days what with the internet dating, really, its like buying a new pair of shoes, you just choose one out from the photos and off you go, but watch out some of the men are only after sex. Try not to lean to far on married friends, women often get confused in these circumstances and they might think you are after their men, it does happen! There was a couple on the Jeremy Kyle show the other week who experienced the same. Its very disheartening to see.

Oh well , got to run, wish you well, and remember there is always somebody worse off than you.

HanK

Mirtos

OH honey. Poor you :hug: add a lock for your own safety engage a good solicitor who you trust and who will have your interests at heart - you are intelligent enough to know when this is the case.Beware of your husband - even the loveliest men can become selfish monsters in these circumstances. Maybe break contact for a while except in written form. This gives you breathing space, and means you have a record of anything he trys to get you to do/give him etc...Cuddle your kids, and work out a plan for the future TOGETHER. Don't let them see you being acrimonious towards their father. Whatever happens though, remember that you WILL get through it, and odd's are, you'll be happier in the long run.xxx

lovetoshop_2

Women are tough cookies and when you get over the shock you will start thinking, it will take a while for the thinking process to start and then I promise it will happen. Keep talking your way through it, loads of us girlies out there that have made it and ARE happier. hang in there.

black-saturn

Theres a website here which might be of some help:

http://www.desertionsurvivors.org.uk/dsorguk/jos/index.php

I just want to say that I echo the above advice but I also wanted to add that you should make sure you look after yourself. I know it's hard but you should try to get lots of sleep. Things always seem worse when your really tired, eat properly and treat yourself to a few luxury things if you feel the need to. if you feel like being on your own for a bit don't worry about making excuses and doing so and likewise if you feel like some company phone someone with a sympathetic ear (or come on here).

You could make a visit to the Citizens Advice Bureau and find out where you stand with regards the house, money etc etc and also to the local benefits office to find out if you are entitled to anything.

You could also try http://www.gingerbread.org.uk

and theres also a friendly online forum for lone parents here:

http://www.lone-parents.co.uk/modules.php?name=Forums&file=index where there will be a few people who have been through the same or similar circumstances.