Hypno's "just for today" diary of rediscovery.

hypno06

well, the !!!!!ness that is my life just continues.....

got to the Adult ed place....my name is on the register as being staff to teach, and is on the computer system as being staff to teach.

So why, then, does someone else turn up and insist that she has been booked in for months and that I have no right to teach this class. No amount of pointing out that it is my name on the system seems to get through, and at this point, students are arriving and it is almost a case of us fighting over the students!

She wasn't for budging and I could see a "sit in" occuring....all a bit ridiculous, but I felt pushed out, and rather crap.

Needless to say, I will have a word with those that arrange these things on Monday, but in the meantime, I now feel rather tearful because once again, when something positive starts to happen, someone goes and reminds me that it is not my turn to have good things happen, I am still firmly in crapland.

rtandon27

oh hun that's just pants

sending a virtual hug your way :grouphug:

xo
RT

Buffythedebtslayer

You are not firmly in crap land you had a quick visit this morning due to some sad cow and an inability to read.

Bloody pain in the !!!! tho. Now what can you do with your day instead? I recommand a PJ's day, with DVd's but that is why I am not making many inroads into the debt!

Have coffee and little sit down, then make a plan?

XXX

slowlyfading

Oh sending some (((HUGS))) your way. Hope you find something lovely to do instead xx

hypno06

Its just another of those things that just reminds me that I sm still fairly "fragile" at the moment, despite all my efforts to be strong and in control. the money would have been fab, I love teaching that course, and yet I find myself in tears because someone else has other ideas.

I have no idea where my life is going, I have no idea what crap is going to be thrown at me next, and it is all quite overwhelming at times.

Buffythedebtslayer

hypno06 wrote: »

Its just another of those things that just reminds me that I sm still fairly "fragile" at the moment, despite all my efforts to be strong and in control. the money would have been fab, I love teaching that course, and yet I find myself in tears because someone else has other ideas.

I have no idea where my life is going, I have no idea what crap is going to be thrown at me next, and it is all quite overwhelming at times.

Of it does, Hypno that is normal, you have been terrribly hurt and your whole world has changed. This next bit sounds mad but bear with me, I think of the people in your life are like tent pegs (you being the tent iyswim I am not in way shape or form saying you look like a tent!) and when they go or change you are literally left blowing in the wind at the mercy of what ever happens next. Lots of mildly crappy and sometimes completely awful devastating things have happened to me over the last 8 years. I know that nearly all my "tent pegs" have changed and its been really hard to work out what the hell I am doing and why.

In between the big tents pegs and to replace them if they go, we put other little tent pegs(like looking forward to stuff), we hope that they will hold us when actually we aren't sure at all. I loathe this phase but it all takes time and is so frustrating and painful. There is a scene in Buffy where Willow just wants to know why she has to go through the pain, why can't she just by pass it - what else is she supposed to cope with now?

And that is the thing, I know I can cope, I know you can cope, the bit I have difficulty with is why do I have to keep coping when do I get a break? and likewise for you.

It is overwhelming but that feeling is temporary I promise. You know it comes in waves.

I am not sure this helps. But do give your self credit for being so brilliant you aren't trying to be strong and in control you ARE strong and in control.

sending hugs

Buffy xxx

beanielou

Blimey thats not good.
How unproffessional
Sorry that its made you feel so crap

hypno06

Thanks buffy, yes it does make sense. I had a little wave of emotion about all this earlier in the week, and thought it had passed - didn't expect the bloody great tidal wave to hit me this morning

Back to DFW reality, and I have put on a qualifying bet.......onwards and upwards.

elantan

oh hypno wish i was there to go kick her head in ... you did the right thing in walking away ... you were professional and you had better believe that wouldve been noted by the people that had your name and the students ... you might find that will work in your favour and in future you will be the one asked to return not her ....

it is going to take some time to recover from what you have been through ... you have recognised this i have no doubt it will still be very raw and strange for every two steps forward you will go half a step back ... but you are getting there your taking control of your life in the way you want it and you will go from strength to strength so please try and be gentle on yourself ... will send you some reiki as soon as i have dealt with the police etc (dont want to send you any of the energy i have just now kinda polluted due to robbery etc)

stay strong dear friend you know you will get there and be stronger for it

elantan

buffy thats a lovely way of putting it ... and it makes total sense as well