Money Moral Dilemma: Should Janet pay John’s tip?

Former_MSE_Penelope Posts: 536 Forumite
edited 15 March 2010 at 12:14PM in MoneySaving polls
Here's this week's hypothetical situation for you to cogitate on:
Should Janet pay John’s tip?

John’s asked Janet on a first date, they go to a nice restaurant and have wonderful service, the waiter being especially helpful. At the end, following the typical dance, Janet offers to split the bill, John refuses and pays. Yet Janet notices service wasn’t included and John hasn’t tipped, and thinks the waiter deserves a tip but is worried it’ll look like she's criticising John.
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  • Lurleene
    Lurleene Posts: 1,108 Forumite
    A simple ' as you've been so kind getting the bill at least let me cover the tip' should do the trick!
  • Freegan
    Freegan Posts: 45 Forumite
    Whose respect does Janet wish to curry, John's or the waiter's?

    Perhaps the waiter has offended John, unbeknown to Janet and John has pointedly omitted the tip or perhaps John objects to tipping, on principle.

    Don't rock the boat, Janet and enjoy your night out.
    John has demonstrated that he's no tight-wad - although, perhaps, a closet chauvinist.

    Unless, of course, Janet wishes to test the fragility of John's masculine ego.
  • scoobydoobydoo
    scoobydoobydoo Posts: 111 Forumite
    edited 24 March 2010 at 1:42AM
    Yes and then refuse his offer of a second date for being cheap!

    I am a waitress so I may be biased but before I did this job I always tipped for the service if it meritted it. The food may have been awful but if the server was obviously working hard and going out of their way to do everything they could then they would get a tip and the chef would get a complaint!

    *I am a waitress so I may be biased* Who am I kidding?! I AM biased :-D
  • jonnythurston
    Luleene is spot on. Offer to cover the tip, as he has kindly paid for the meal. Shouldn't be an issue really unless he feels cheap by not tipping; which is his problem anyway!

    A good little tester early on for Janet and John, good luck to them.
    Proudly cashing in since 2006. . .
  • scoobydoobydoo
    to add to above, I always checked that the tip was kept by the person it was given to.
  • airheadgreg
    It could simply be a mistake on John's part, I've forgotten more important things at restaurants because I've been having such a good time and chatting. So I agree with Luleene, if John then makes a comment after that it could justify not leaving a tip, or maybe it was a mistake, alternatively he may not tip on principle.
    I don't tip at certain chains because I know that the person I've tipped then has to put that into a jar for all the staff to benefit and that means picking up on the people who don't do a good job..
  • PoorPennilessMe
    PoorPennilessMe Posts: 81 Forumite
    First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    edited 24 March 2010 at 2:28AM
    Lurleene wrote: »
    A simple ' as you've been so kind getting the bill at least let me cover the tip' should do the trick!

    As a gentleman (I use the word carefully!) who has been in this situation, I would be offended when paying for a meal if my companion did this.

    It is the responsibility of the person paying. Leave it there!!!

    And to all the ultra-feminists who want to pay (not that I have EVER met any...) then you pay next time and tip - or not - at your discretion.


    Just to add - I have met and dated plenty of 'feminists' who are perfectly happy for the man to always pick up the bill.... How does that work out? And I've only ever been bought flowers once... I love flowers!!! Equal rights for men I say!!!
  • jenniewb
    jenniewb Posts: 12,836 Forumite
    Photogenic First Post First Anniversary Combo Breaker
    its all in the wording- careful to say "let me do this" rather then "you forgot to tip".

    And if theres a problem from the person paying the bill feeling less of a man/women, then maybe you wanna question if its the righ person for you- a disagreement over something minor like a tip to me is an alarm bell ringing- there are bigger things to worry about, this should not disrupt a relationship at worse would lead to a "discussion".
  • mr-tom_2
    mr-tom_2 Posts: 131 Forumite
    If she wants to, then she should. A quick smile and "Can I leave a tip, then?" would do.

    If John is pathetic enough that this would be a problem, then she probably won't want a second date any way...

    She should also ensure that she always tips cash rather than card - there's far more chance of the waiter actually receiving it that way.
  • Taffybiker
    Taffybiker Posts: 927 Forumite
    [QUOTE=mr-tom;31156851 ...then she probably won't want a second date any way...

    I don't know what you mean. Janet & John have already been together for decades, though if Mr. Wogan's stories are accurate then maybe they should separate :D

    I think Janet should speak up, offering to leave the tip. Most likely John will then point out that his intention is to pay by card, but tip in cash.

    I've noticed that tips can be added to the total and also paid by card - but I'm never sure about where it goes then.
    Try saying "I have under-a-pound in my wallet" and listen to people react!
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