partner issues, don't know what to do.

inmypocketnottheirs

Didn't want to read and run. I don't have anything further to add to what has already been suggested, but you don't deserve to have to continue living like this.

gravybones

thanks so much again all, I've read and reread everything and it is all helpful, every bit. Having tried to talk to him earlier he did the usual of justifying his own behaviour and explaining why mine was unreasonable, I suggested he speak to his GP again tomorrow, to be told 'what's the point' I have read up on the use of the morphine and everything says it is not for longterm use, I think he's been using it for a year or so now, I believe his GP suggested a referal to a pain clinic but we've heard nothing so far. I think I will at least try to speak to his GP as a first step, I feel I can't continue like this.

joyfull

Have no advice to give, just want to say your cry for help will change the situation. Nothing lasts forever. I'm sending you my support & very good wishes. I know what it's like to be in seemingly unbearable life situations. Above all take very good care of yourself - you've already started to do that, well done.

XXX

JoJoB

And if you do decide you can't take anymore yet feel you have nowhere to go due to finances - the fact you are in an abusive, controlling relationship means you could certainly get a place in a refuge while you sort out other accomodation. Contact your local CAB for refges in your area.
While in a refuge you could then put in a homeless application with your local council. Depending on where you live you might get housed fairly quickly. Ask CAB to explain local housing policy to you.

belfastgirl23

gravybones wrote: »

thanks so much again all, I've read and reread everything and it is all helpful, every bit. Having tried to talk to him earlier he did the usual of justifying his own behaviour and explaining why mine was unreasonable, I suggested he speak to his GP again tomorrow, to be told 'what's the point' I have read up on the use of the morphine and everything says it is not for longterm use, I think he's been using it for a year or so now, I believe his GP suggested a referal to a pain clinic but we've heard nothing so far. I think I will at least try to speak to his GP as a first step, I feel I can't continue like this.

I think you've exhausted the talking options by now, particularly if he isn't hearing you. By all means talk to the GP but it sounds to me like he doesn't WANT to change anything and that if you need things to change (which you absolutely do!!) you will have to do it...

Lots of luck

27col

Even if you don't feel that you can afford to get out. At the very least you should stop waiting on him hand and foot.

clairehi

gravybones wrote: »

he takes liquid morphine as and when needed. I understand that it is not really recommended for conditions such as his and is not for long-term use but he will rant and rave at the doctor on the phone if they suggest they are not happy to prescribe any more and they appear to cave in and issue a repeat prescription. It appears however not to be controlling the pain, I am convinced laying in bed permanently is making things worse if anything, and I think there is a possible addiction issue with the liquid morpine..

Morphine is very closely related to heroin.

You are absolutely right - he is addicted. Would you be happy to live with him if he was acting like this and buying heroin from the street? Probably not? The "back problem" may or may not still be real but his behaviour is totally consistent with that of a junkie.

Spirit_2

You poor love.

Your concern, hardwork and care are going unacknowledged by him. That you feel you cannot go on with this is entirely understandable.

Whether he is an addict or not - the point is he appears to be manipulating you like a puppet. In turn you are enabling him. If you are renting the property and if he will not help find a solution to improve his and your wellbeing you need advice on moving him out.

You need to talk to your GP if you are unable to talk to your OH's.

That his mobility improves when he wants something - food - is just one sign of where his interests lie.

Keep posting - lots of support, and virtual shoulders to cry on.

julliff

graveybones

I cried when I read your posts.

I have just ended a relationship of 20 years, in which my partner had been a completely manipulating bully. I recognised nearly all of the behaviours you listed - guilt tripping, justufying, anger etc,etc

Please read this link:

http://www.rickross.com/reference/brainwashing/brainwashing11.html

I bought this book, and it showed me that I was not going mad, and that I was not the unreasonable one.

Ultimately, only you know if your relationship is over, but please, please do not be guilt tripped into staying, and wasting years which you will never get back. It seems that your husband is making you miserable, and he does not care, as long as he is getting what he wants.

You matter too, and it does not mak you a bad person to recognise this (I am still training myseld on this one!).

With best wishes to you...

mouseymousey99

Hello, I've just been ref'd to a pain management course (just had the first 'interview'). Like your OH I knew everything! Except, I didn't, of course.

I don't know what you will decide to do in the end. Could I just say I have had so much help from this course? Even just having it acknowleged as chronic pain has helped.
It helps you take control of things again - and maybe realise the only peron who can help you is yourself

My oh and me and have been up and down things that no one would beleive - we are still together. I had 7 years of an unhappy marriage before we met, I wish I had left much earlier. Whatever you decide to do, I hope you find yourself in a happier place.
Mxx