Child Contact??

rpc

From what you write here, a sole residency order in your name sounds like the best option for the child. I'd probably also seek an order for supervised contact only with mum initially. Between the police, social services and your son's own wishes you must have a strong case.

To be honest, my first thought reading this thread is why send your son home on a Sunday night? If things really are that bad and there is no court order in place it is an option, as undesireable as it is.

simon4amiee

I thank you all for your comments, and the SS have asked him that exact question, and his reply, he didn't want to move, he just wanted him mum to stop hurting him. So thats kind of where it is, I have done my utmost to keep this all above board, by not speaking to her (swingaloo will agree, i would get past the swearing on the phone), I just keep all text messages.

She pressured my son into him giving her my address (the reason we moved). She has told him he will be in for it if he mentions anything to me what goes on at hers. He tells me everything, as we have and always will be open with each other. He does exagerate which I have difficullty with knowing if something is as bad as it seems.

My parents and myself just feel that approaching ten, he will soon be coming to an age where he will want his freedom, and will in turn resent what mum has done, the only thing I can continue to do is as promised to him try the legal way to ensure I see him every week.

No I dont condone the things he goes through at home, but I have been brought up to beleive that children are better off if the have both parents in their life, and he also has 3 siblings at mums (none are mine). Yes he has his own room at mine, and can do as he pleases, while at mums he shares with 2 brothers (the step dads). I think it can be just as damaging to take him from that environment, so I go down the other route of hoping to get weekly contact (Fr-Sun) every week as has been his routine for 7 years until lately.

If he comes to me at any moment in time and mentions anything serious again, I contact SS, and eventually the case builds and builds. Its stupid I dont want him not to have a mum, I want him to be happy at both homes and have promised him I will not stop until that happens. And I have not broken a promise to him yet so he knows this.

There are also 2 sides to every coin, I dont know exactly what happens at mums, and only have his words to go on. I too have not been the model dad, there is so much I could have done over the years that I haven't. I had been up until recently an evening drinker, and had done without a missed night for 18 years. After a routine blood test I was told if I continued I would be in serious trouble within 6-12 months. I referred myself to Occy Health as I work for the NHS. And now 8 moths later I have done a full detox programme and its changed my life.

I feel so much better, more focused, more determined, not the person who felt groggy in the morning and said no the my lad when he wanted to play football with me. Now we are doing so much more together, and I just wished I did it years ago.

I want to see him married and have kids, and he has been the biggest driving force in my life, he and my very supportive wife are everything, and I'm sure this will have a happy ending for my son. I will contunie to kepp people posted.

Zoetoes

I'm afraid I'm probably going to be the only one to disagree with the whole thing!

It's coming across to me that OP is the one who is playing games.

The 10 year old is saying that he's the only one that doesn't get to use the tele, wii etc as much as the other kids, that's what 10 year olds say!

My 10 year old always says things like that to his dad, 'oh mum let's *** have more than me'. Dad doesn't jump on the phone to Social Services. He also pays the child support and doesn't deliberately withhold it and move house and tell our son he's not allowed to tell his mum where his dad lives.

I also ask my son questions when he's been at dads, who was there, what did you do, did dad make sure you had something to eat etc.

And I'm not surprised the little lad is the one who speaks to you on the phone, his mum probably doesn't want to speak to you.

What's the 'physical punishment'? We talking about a quick flick across the bum? Grabbing his arm and telling him to get upstairs to his room when he's naughty?

It sounds to me like you are playing a very dangerous game and it is at the expense of that little boy that you are confusing.

simon4amiee

Zoetoes wrote: »

I'm afraid I'm probably going to be the only one to disagree with the whole thing!

It's coming across to me that OP is the one who is playing games.

The 10 year old is saying that he's the only one that doesn't get to use the tele, wii etc as much as the other kids, that's what 10 year olds say!

My 10 year old always says things like that to his dad, 'oh mum let's *** have more than me'. Dad doesn't jump on the phone to Social Services. He also pays the child support and doesn't deliberately withhold it and move house and tell our son he's not allowed to tell his mum where his dad lives.

I also ask my son questions when he's been at dads, who was there, what did you do, did dad make sure you had something to eat etc.

And I'm not surprised the little lad is the one who speaks to you on the phone, his mum probably doesn't want to speak to you.

What's the 'physical punishment'? We talking about a quick flick across the bum? Grabbing his arm and telling him to get upstairs to his room when he's naughty?

It sounds to me like you are playing a very dangerous game and it is at the expense of that little boy that you are confusing.

I don't really need to defend any actions I've made, Swingaloo has seen what the mother puts on facebook, which her kids can see, and have access to, she she got the picture of what this woman is is like and capable of.

I moved towns to get away from her and her husbands threats.

SS when speaking to him noticed he got so scared when they said they would see mum, SS told mum this was unacceptable and she not has 15 counts she has to adhere to written in a letter of expectation.

If you read the entire thread you would understand, I want him to be happy at both homes, and while many think I should seeks full custody, I have said I beleive for a childs unbringing they are better with mum and siblings although I dont like it, I want him so have routine, and stability, not to be used as a bargaining chip when it suits her.

Broken_hearted

Sounds like both parents are playing games with the child stuck in the middle. Child wants to please both parents so tells dad that mam is horrible then tells mam that dad is horrible.
Would be interesting to hear the mothers side, read texts sent to her and such.

Zoetoes

simon4amiee wrote: »

I don't really need to defend any actions I've made, Swingaloo has seen what the mother puts on facebook, which her kids can see, and have access to, she she got the picture of what this woman is is like and capable of.

I moved towns to get away from her and her husbands threats.

SS when speaking to him noticed he got so scared when they said they would see mum, SS told mum this was unacceptable and she not has 15 counts she has to adhere to written in a letter of expectation.

If you read the entire thread you would understand, I want him to be happy at both homes, and while many think I should seeks full custody, I have said I beleive for a childs unbringing they are better with mum and siblings although I dont like it, I want him so have routine, and stability, not to be used as a bargaining chip when it suits her.

But you contacted Social Services for what?

And just because another poster on here will back you up doesn't mean it's all true.

Sounds to me like you deliberately withheld the Child Support which caused friction and then moved to a 'secret location' to add to that.

Also not allowing your son to tell his mum where you live and then telling SS she is questioning him? I would say you created that situation for the poor kid.

As for the little lad speaking to you on the phone, what's wrong with that? My little lad rings his dad and asks if he can go round etc, it's called a relationship. I don't have to speak to him.

You're making out your little boy that you love so much is living is such a terrible situation yet you are leaving him in it? Sounds to me like you are using that poor little boy as a pawn, simply to get at his mother.

YOU are the one causing him to be questioned by Social Services unnecessarily. That is probably disturbing him more than him not getting as much time as he wants on the wii.

swingaloo

Stepping in here in defence of Simon. First let me say that I dont know Simon personally, or his ex. However I did correspond with him some months ago when he needed some specific advice.

I have had access to his childs mothers Facebook page. (I detest Facebook really) Ive seen the photos and read her postings. Ive seen posting she has written threatening what she will do if Simon dosnt get money round to her quickly. She and her partner have threatened, bullied and made life hell for Simon and his partner. As for moving away, I really dont think he had a choice, he has a partner to protect. The threats etc are all on there, as are the things she calls her children. She is a disgusting human being.

I disagree with Simon that his son is better off with the mother, I think Simon has in the past (and is still) been far too accomodating with her considering the way she is treating his son - not to mention her other children.

I have advised Simon that I think he should forget trying to make it better at mums for his son and just go for full custody but that has to be his decision and he knows far more about the situation than any of us on here. But I cant stand back and read the posters who are saying he is the one making the child suffer. I dont think this woman should be allowed to care for any children at all.

Zoetoes

swingaloo wrote: »

Stepping in here in defence of Simon. First let me say that I dont know Simon personally, or his ex. However I did correspond with him some months ago when he needed some specific advice.

I have had access to his childs mothers Facebook page. (I detest Facebook really) Ive seen the photos and read her postings. Ive seen posting she has written threatening what she will do if Simon dosnt get money round to her quickly. She and her partner have threatened, bullied and made life hell for Simon and his partner. As for moving away, I really dont think he had a choice, he has a partner to protect. The threats etc are all on there, as are the things she calls her children. She is a disgusting human being.

I disagree with Simon that his son is better off with the mother, I think Simon has in the past (and is still) been far too accomodating with her considering the way she is treating his son - not to mention her other children.

I have advised Simon that I think he should forget trying to make it better at mums for his son and just go for full custody but that has to be his decision and he knows far more about the situation than any of us on here. But I cant stand back and read the posters who are saying he is the one making the child suffer. I dont think this woman should be allowed to care for any children at all.

It just comes across to me that it all kicked off over him not paying the child support and she's got angry. What was the reason for not paying it?

Have you seen his facebook page?

swingaloo

Yes I have seen his Facebook page. Ive also seen a lot of photographs.

This is a mother who cancelled the Csa herself and had Simon paying almost 4 times what the CSA calculated or she would not let him see his son. Not only was she demanding this money but she was asking for it in cash, in her hand, not the bank and wanted it delivered to her house. There is so much more to this story.

Zoetoes

swingaloo wrote: »

Yes I have seen his Facebook page. Ive also seen a lot of photographs.

This is a mother who cancelled the Csa herself and had Simon paying almost 4 times what the CSA calculated or she would not let him see his son. Not only was she demanding this money but she was asking for it in cash, in her hand, not the bank and wanted it delivered to her house. There is so much more to this story.

Ok, and how do you know this?