Child Contact??

simon4amiee

Well its almost a year now and things have changed, I did stand my ground on not pay her in hand, and when I contacted the CSA apparently I had arrears from 8 years ago, not much around £800, but that got paid off by Xmas last year. I sought legal advice, and it has been such a long time getting things moving. I have reported to her to social services on more than one occasion for things my son has told of, to a point he didnt want to go home. She then phoned me and said I could have regular contact of I do not contact SS again. Soemthing defo up here. Mediation happened also last year, she stomred out after an hour, and said see me in court, only to ring the Mediator a few hours later and say I could see him 3 weeks a month. I then got a letter in October saying she wished to continue mediation, but not intil Jan 11. I again reported her to SS for more problems with my son. I received a letter from her solicitor saying she no longer wished to attend any more mediation. She also received a letter of expectation from the SS that stated a number of issues to her which have been breahed many times such as:

Contact between Me and my son is to take place on agreed times made in advance (not happened)
My son not to experience any form of physical punishment (not happened)
Mother to be aware at all time where her son is (not happened)
Contact arrangement to be made via mother and father not the schild (not happened she wont speak to me and gets him to ring me)
My son will not be questioned by monther on return home from dads (not happened)

The list is 3 pages long but you get the picture. Regarding the mediation it was something I had to go down to be eligible for legal aid, but does this mean as she broke down the mediation she will not be entitled. The final letter came from her solicotor stating both parties have manged to resolve contact of 2 weekends a month (this has already been broken). I am having an appointment with my solicitor today, to see where we go from here.

It saddens me when he doesn't want to go home, he was used to seeing me each weekend, now its as and when it suits. The killer was when he was in tears when my dad picked him up to go home over xmas, he said I love you dad, please dont let me go home!

I know there are certain things I wont get from the courts, but all I wanted was to see me son each weekend as I had for 7 years, so applying for shared residence (weekend) parental responsibility, contact etc, and I want my name adding to the birth certificate. I promised him I would never stop until he was happy (at both homes).

RAS

What I really cannot understand is why you have not even consider a full residency order? You may find:

1. That she give in.
2. That she concedes joint residency. At least one OP here has done this, without a solictor, successfully.

There were all sorts of antics which prevented the son seeing his dad and the child was constantly used as a bargaining tool. The child now stays with his dad half the week.

Plans_all_plans

I know nothing about this system at all, but can you not apply to have him all the time and he just has visits to his mums? Rather than than current carry on?

RAS

Read lepetit's thread here https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/2964100 and maybe contact her?

Gigglepig

Sorry to hear about this situation, I feel sorry for your son. It sounds like you have very poor communication with his mother, if you report her to social services rather than speaking directly to her.

It is great that you have cleared your arrears. On a side note, I think it is shocking that the child support payment would just be 38 pounds a month, it sounds very little if the mother is buying him most of his clothes, paying for after school activities etc.

Why do you want to see your son each weekend, rather than for example have shared custody where he lives every second week with you? Has his mother told you what arrangement she would prefer?

Zoetoes

simon4amiee wrote: »

Contact between Me and my son is to take place on agreed times made in advance (not happened)
My son not to experience any form of physical punishment (not happened)
Mother to be aware at all time where her son is (not happened)
Contact arrangement to be made via mother and father not the schild (not happened she wont speak to me and gets him to ring me)
My son will not be questioned by monther on return home from dads (not happened)

QUOTE]

God, I'm probably guilty of all of the above, I hope the ex doesn't ring SS and my son end up on the at risk register and being questioned by Social Workers (cos surely that would be worse than mum asking anything?)

ajaney

Simon, Keep fighting & keep this thread updated as it may help other NRP's in a similar situation.

If at all possible, I think you should explore going for a full residency order or at least shared custody.

Good Luck

sjc3

No advice really OP but just wanted to say good luck with it all. You sound like a great dad who just wants the best for his child. I hope it all works out and you see him regularly.

lloydlf

I really don't know why you have allowed it to drag on this long. Why have you not gone for sole custody?? Your son is suffering emotional and physical abuse by the sound of it and you are still packing him off back to his mother to fend for himself! He is 10 years old definitely old enough to make his wishes known about who he wants to live with and to have them heard social services are already involved and would take your son's wishes seriously. He needs stabilty, security and permanence and he needs it now!

swingaloo

Been here before Simon havnt we? You know she is an absolute b----h. Her whole lifestyle, language and morals are disgusting and she is an unfit mother. Dont understand why you are still letting it happen. Get your son away from her, he deserves better.